To frown on an untidy house

[allinadaystwerk]

My house is not a haven of organised domestic bliss by any means, I have messy corners and cupboards and all that stuff. And some days are much better than others. But I visited someone I've known a while for the 1st time
and was shocked at the state of the house. It was not dirty or smelly. Washing up was done and toilet was clean. But there was clothes everywhere! And clutter and paperwork, letters leaflets and general stuff just not put away, shoes were left in the living room and piles upon piles of laundry. Everywhere I looked there was stuff and an untidy mess. Clearlyvot had been this way for some time. I felt quite sad but also kind of disgruntled. I wanted them to do better but had to have a word with myself and find my way to not being a judgy cow. Thing is, if im honest, a bit of me still feels a bit disgruntled and frustrated.. I'll most likely be asked to the home again as we get on very well and of course a messy home is no reason to ruin a friendship. Question is am I being unreasonable to feel like this? .

Or then create a strange conversation with friend that never happened and show the friend that she posted about her on mumsnet. I call 💩

I honestly don't know how my husband and kids stood it before

If they’d had an issue with it they could have cleaned it themselves.

Anyway I have just finished speaking to my friend. The conversation went like this

Yeah, that happened. Sure it did.

Not dirty or smelly? That would do for me!

I read the full thread, which may put me in a minority, but it means that I saw all of the critical and often unpleasant posts aimed at the OP.

Very few of them focused on whether the OP should broach the subject of tidiness with her friend. The vast majority attached her for ‘judging’ and ‘being judgmental’. Thoughtcrime, in other words. The admonishments for ‘judging’ were delivered with a side serving of spite. One poster decided that the OP must be sexually unfulfilled!

A poster last week got a savaging for doing daydreams wrong, so it’s not as if the OP is an isolated case!

ATTACKED, not attached!

I like my own house to be clean and tidy, I feel agitated when my house is really messy - i think it's a sensory overload thing as I also have the feeling when there is lots of different noise happening at the same time. But honestly I couldn't care less how other people keep their houses, I can happily sit in others houses that are messy as I am there for their company not their organisation skills.

The vast majority attached her for ‘judging’ and ‘being judgmental’. Thoughtcrime, in other words. The admonishments for ‘judging’ were delivered with a side serving of spite.

Par for the course on here. If anyone posts to moan about a friend’s trivial foible, a chorus starts up of disapproving comments about how the friend deserves better, the op sounds like an awful human being and the poster would much rather spend their time with the friend than stuck-up/two-faced/‘judgey’ op. Whereas back in the real world it’s perfectly human to get irritated with our otherwise lovely friends’ annoying habits, and as long as any nonconstructive negativity stays in your own head (or you have a moan about them to your mum, which is my favoured approach) no harm is done.

It wouldn’t matter, but it piles on the pressure on women to be all sweetness and light and we get enough of that already.

I agree with this. My house is generally tidy because I find it stressful otherwise. It's not for anyone else's approval though. What a weird attitude.

It sounds like it was clean, just cluttered. That wouldn't bother me at all.