To frown on an untidy house

[allinadaystwerk]

My house is not a haven of organised domestic bliss by any means, I have messy corners and cupboards and all that stuff. And some days are much better than others. But I visited someone I've known a while for the 1st time
and was shocked at the state of the house. It was not dirty or smelly. Washing up was done and toilet was clean. But there was clothes everywhere! And clutter and paperwork, letters leaflets and general stuff just not put away, shoes were left in the living room and piles upon piles of laundry. Everywhere I looked there was stuff and an untidy mess. Clearlyvot had been this way for some time. I felt quite sad but also kind of disgruntled. I wanted them to do better but had to have a word with myself and find my way to not being a judgy cow. Thing is, if im honest, a bit of me still feels a bit disgruntled and frustrated.. I'll most likely be asked to the home again as we get on very well and of course a messy home is no reason to ruin a friendship. Question is am I being unreasonable to feel like this? .

. I felt quite sad but also kind of disgruntled. I wanted them to do better but had to have a word with myself and find my way to not being a judgy cow.

This reminds me a bit of the Nicole Kidman 'Stepford Wives' film, but the bit where she tells them to bugger off because she 'can do better' than their shite.

And your friend can do better with friends than you!

Are you irritated that it looks like your friend hasn't made for of an effort for your visit?

You learn to ignore the chaos of someone else's house. Just don't look at it.

@HarlanPepper poss ex SIL 🤣

I have a set of twins who's just turned 1 and a 2 year old and a DH who works away. You've just described my house 90% of the time.
If I was your friend and found out you'd spoken about my house like that, I'd be really hurt. (And would think you were an absolute cunt)

”But there was clothes everywhere!”

Don”t you mean, “But there were clothes everywhere!”? I feel kind of sad and disgruntled, because I wanted you to do better at English grammar.

LOL 😂

You are NOT being unreasonable. If I had someone coming to visit me in my home, I would certainly make an effort to make sure it looked its best.

Washing up was done and toilet was clean.
That's perfect.
I draw the line at a dirty toilet.
I couldn't be friends with someone like you, the type that eyeballs every corner of the room.

fit I would tidy up if someone was visiting but that's me, I don't care if I'm visiting someone who lives in chaos and mess. I want to see them as friends and I don't care past that aspect, certainly don't judge how others live. It's not my business or place to comment.
OP yabu, entitled to your thoughts but not a good idea to announce them on a public forum where they will remain online forever even if deleted.

RIGHT. Who is grassing me up on the internet?

I have a 21 month old toddler and a 12 week old baby.

My house looks like a bomb exploded 98 % of the time.

I'm ashamed about this, but find it very hard to improve things.

I am sure your friend is already aware of her shortcomings and doesn't need your judgment!

Well that's the last time I invite you round 😒

Charming!! Never before has the expression "with friends like you who needs enemies" felt more appropriate! YABU.

I've had covid for 5 weeks. Apols if my house isn't up to your exacting standards 🙄
Perhaps your friend has something going on and needs your support not your derision?

I have also got a kitchen floor (courtesy of the former owners) that have those frankly bonkers "aged white" looking kitchen tiles so they look dirty even if you have just cleaned them. My best friend - (who can get away with it as we've known and loved each other since we were 7 years old and at primary school) said on first coming round "oh, I thought you just hadn't had a chance to clean it this week 😆)

You are judgey and you can't master basic grammar. I'm thinking we probably wouldn't be pals...

As long as you keep it to yourself, judge away. I personally wouldn't judge mess and clutter but would judge filth.

Worried don't be ashamed you've got more important things to think about with your young dc. Enjoy the great stuff with them, the housework can wait another day.🙂

And people wonder why some of us prefer not to have anyone in our homes. This is why. You are being a judgmental cow. "Wanted her to do better". Please catch yourself on.

Do her a favour and stay away from her home.

YABVVU

I am neurodivergent and find it almost impossible to keep my house tidy. Judgement like yours just makes me feel worse about it.

Spelling and grammar is terrible so I vote journalist.

YABVVVVU!!!

How judgy! Your friend should find some new friends and ditch you.

🤣🤣

You’re describing my house OP. When did you come round?

Pigging hell don't come to my house then you'd have a fit! My bedside table is an array of books, vape liquids, my normal e cig my disposable e cigs. My phone, my clock alarm plus various other bits of shit that I've shoved on there plus my LFT's pens and ID badge for work. My wardrobe is so disorganised. So disorganised in fact I've got a bag full of clean washing to go back inside it The corner unit in the kitchen has cups carrier bags bills and all sorts of other stuff on it there's always pots on the drainer, sometimes in the sink and if I'm feeling mega lazy they might be on top of the cooker waiting to be washed. I do one proper clean up a week might make me sound lazy but I'm out from 6:45am and don't walk in my door until 22:20 the last thing I can be arsed doing then is cleaning up. Then in between a bit here and there

I can be very judgemental. In fact, I don't even try to change, tbh! Plenty of things deserve judgement, imo. An untidy house isn't one of them.

And yes, watch out for that poor grammar. People will judge you for it, and you take it everywhere you go. Can't just hide it behind the closed doors of your house! 😬

I have had to apologise to a very old friend of mine on a couple of occassions. She has always said that she has come to see me and not my house.