To frown on an untidy house

[allinadaystwerk]

My house is not a haven of organised domestic bliss by any means, I have messy corners and cupboards and all that stuff. And some days are much better than others. But I visited someone I've known a while for the 1st time
and was shocked at the state of the house. It was not dirty or smelly. Washing up was done and toilet was clean. But there was clothes everywhere! And clutter and paperwork, letters leaflets and general stuff just not put away, shoes were left in the living room and piles upon piles of laundry. Everywhere I looked there was stuff and an untidy mess. Clearlyvot had been this way for some time. I felt quite sad but also kind of disgruntled. I wanted them to do better but had to have a word with myself and find my way to not being a judgy cow. Thing is, if im honest, a bit of me still feels a bit disgruntled and frustrated.. I'll most likely be asked to the home again as we get on very well and of course a messy home is no reason to ruin a friendship. Question is am I being unreasonable to feel like this? .

Memo to self: do not invite OP to my home as she might need medical help afterwards!

I hope said friend doesn't have anything to do with you again. You are a judgmental piece of work that's for sure.

@blueshoes - clean bathroom, toilets, kitchen.

Just piles of clean washing to put away and stacks of paperwork to file, and junk mail to recycle.

Very doable to be clean (not OCD clean but perfectly hygienic) and yet still have a home that wouldn't grace the pages of Country Living imo...

Why are you bitching about your friends house on here what do you want Mn to do about it?

I am team OP. There is no excuse, short of some kind of mental health or disability, to have such an untidy house as OP describes. I grew up in an untidy house that was not regularly cleaned with a mother that had borderline hoarder tendencies. Not a pleasant experience growing up at home and I was embarassed to invite my friends home.

I would worry that person is not coping.

Yes YABU. Our house is minimal and so easy to keep clean. Of all my close friends few as are as tidy, but all are clean. This house was clean. That's enough.

I want to come and see your house now so I can judge my socks off. My standards of housekeeping make Kim and Aggie look sloppy but when I visit friends I'm only hoping for a clean cup, a clean toilet and good company. How other people choose to live is nothing to do with me.

I have a friend whose house was really messy but I never said anything as it would be very rude. When she came over to my house for the first time her son said something like ‘wow you can see your floors’. She moved house and her house is fine now, just normal
messy so I put it down to trying to juggle work and children and the kids are much older now.

I would never say anything because I know it's very unkind to be so judgmental, but I do agree with you OP. I have friends who have dirty and untidy houses and visiting them there makes me feel uncomfortable, I lived in a dirty and untidy house myself for 2-3 years and maybe its triggering for me, who knows.

There is no friendship to ruin. You are not this person's friend at all.

oh, dear.

Are they nice people? That’s all that matters.

I hope your friend sees this and recognises you. At least then they can decide if they want to remain friends.

OK, I'll bite.

But, would you go on a hugely popular international message forum that has 100s of 1000s of hits a day, from 1000s of posters, and post a thread about someone you know, who has a very untidy house and how utterly disgusted you are by it? Where it could probably be picked up by the press, and where the person in question will very likely see it?

Do me a bloody favour!

yabu

I enjoy living in a cluttered environment having been raised by a neat freak.

I enjoy living in a clean and tidy environment having been brought up by a parent who kept an untidy and dirty house.

I loathe clutter. It makes me feel claustrophobic.

I just wish someone could teach me to be orderly

Something I read on MN was to never leave a room empty handed. So, when we leave the dining table to go into the kitchen, for example, we take some plates through. I think, in most cases, most people just have too much stuff and not enough storage. The old saying "a place for everything and everything in its place" makes so much sense.

I judge your poor grammar and incorrect use of "was", so feel free to be as judgey as you like about my house.

OP's description sounds like my place. I have paperwork everywhere because I have two jobs from home. I regularly have piles of clothes out (not all the time) waiting to be ironed or put away and I'm short of storage space.

People might look at that and think I'm not coping yet I cope very well and no longer give a flying fig what judgemental busybody martyr types think of the way I choose to live my life.

Life is for living and caring about and loving those closest to us. What a shame to waste time cleaning hour upon hour.

You could try using the “it only takes a minute” method, it only takes a minute to put something in the bin/drawers/hang up a coat etc etc essentially you end up doing lots of little tasks that usually go ignored and it can help de clutter/organise your house.

How is OP's post in any way identifiable? Lots of posters already said they are equally messy. Maybe it is them?

I don't think you quite get the point of a discussion board. What you said just cancelled almost everything on mumsnet, which is a place to share thoughts and get other opinions.

Oh look the non judgey, saintly crowd is here to tell OP what to think. You’ve done your good deed of the day by telling OP how horrible she is. Here’s a star point for being so kind.

Feel free to frown on your own house, but if you frown on mine you can fuck off.
Nicely, off course, but fuck off all the same.

I would judge too. It wouldn't affect my feelings about the friendship and I wouldn't dream of saying anything to my friend. Live and let live. But I would privately be wondering how people live like that, and it would definitely be a topic of conversation with DP in the car on the way home.

[Caveat: I work part/time and do spend a lot of time on my days off getting the house ship-shape. I have plenty of friends who work full time and don't have that luxury, so I do understand - but it wouldn't stop me gawping at the mess].

I would judge too. It wouldn't affect my feelings about the friendship and I wouldn't dream of saying anything to my friend. Live and let live. But I would privately be wondering how people live like that, and it would definitely be a topic of conversation with DP in the car on the way home.

[Caveat: I work part/time and do spend a lot of time on my days off getting the house ship-shape. I have plenty of friends who work full time and don't have that luxury, so I do understand - but it wouldn't stop me gawping at the mess - and itching to crack on with decluttering!].

Unreasonable, judgemental, smug, a bad friend, take your pick really 🤷🏻‍♀️

I am finding that untidy folks can be quite touchy. Surely they know they will be judged at some point. Big deal. People probably judge me too on many other things. Hey ho.