To frown on an untidy house

[allinadaystwerk]

My house is not a haven of organised domestic bliss by any means, I have messy corners and cupboards and all that stuff. And some days are much better than others. But I visited someone I've known a while for the 1st time
and was shocked at the state of the house. It was not dirty or smelly. Washing up was done and toilet was clean. But there was clothes everywhere! And clutter and paperwork, letters leaflets and general stuff just not put away, shoes were left in the living room and piles upon piles of laundry. Everywhere I looked there was stuff and an untidy mess. Clearlyvot had been this way for some time. I felt quite sad but also kind of disgruntled. I wanted them to do better but had to have a word with myself and find my way to not being a judgy cow. Thing is, if im honest, a bit of me still feels a bit disgruntled and frustrated.. I'll most likely be asked to the home again as we get on very well and of course a messy home is no reason to ruin a friendship. Question is am I being unreasonable to feel like this? .

The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow
But children grow up as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.

If you can identify anything from the OP, you have special powers. Hope you are making good use them.

I always have a clean and tidy house….I can’t bear mess or dirt in my own home…I really don’t care what other peoples homes are like…I’m a guest, I’m welcome and happy to be there

As others have already said, many frown upon an untidy post (repetition) and untidy SPAG.

But we are all children of the planet.

That ol' cliche.

Too busy being an awesome parent, or too busy having a fun life, to clean.

Sigh, the two are not mutually exclusive. And lack of cleaning and scrubbing can affect children negatively.

Well, @allinadaystwerk , you've certainly set the cat amongst the pigeons😆

I wanted them to do better

Did you really say this out loud? 😱

For starters I'm not talking about any of YOUR actual houses nor am I wanting to be YOUR friend.. so calm down!
I did not say I was going to end the friendship. The person is amazing. I also never said my house is tidy.. its not!

My grammar... well sorry, to the pedants but sometimes I get it wrong, actually quite often tbh. I'm quite good with their, there and they're though so 🤷

😆 😆 at troll, clearly my ability to word correctly has impacted and triggered some people. Sorry if thats the case.
Perhaps the words uncomfortable and a bit shocked might better explain my feelings. I have neurological issues that effect my brain function and cognitive reasoning myself so I certainly am not looking to trigger anyone.
I just didn't expect such a mess. It was close to hoarding, some areas were floor to ceiling. Also, I said I wanted them to do better... actually, I wanted better for them.

Some of the things being said here are outrageous and you have the audacity to say I'm nasty?!

Thank you to those who offered balanced responses.

Its healthy to question your own judgement and admit when you are wrong. Thats how you change for the better.

In my post, if you can get past the 'bad grammar' 😆

I am trying to examine myself. I realise that my response is not ok but I'm honest enough to admit my discomfort. I also say its not something to break a friendship over. I'll speak to my friend about it this evening.
That's how confident I am that I'm not the spawn of Satan as some of more 'sensitive' of you suggest.

And as for going away and not coming back on here.. its a good job I'm not suicidal anymore! Check your own volition. Why are you so scathing and aggressive?

So anyway thanks to all for the advice, responses and even the visceral attacks. oh and quick reminder, bullying and intimidation is 'frowned upon' as a violation on mumsnet last time I checked!

Perhaps I will return and let you know how the conversation with my friend goes. Its all good learning after all.

And people wonder why others hate it when they call unannounced.

My house is often a mess - on Friday I worked my normal Monday - Friday day job. Rushed home and my self and dc changed then dropped them off and did a further 10 hour shift. On Saturday after 4 hours sleep I got up to take them to their Saturday activity which took us in to mid afternoon then came home and changed, grabbed something to eat then went out and did another 10 hour shift. Dc have something on every night after school and I try to cook decent meals that takes time. Lazinesses is far from the reason my house is untidy

Please don't judge someone's house against your own standards.
It's very snobbish and makes you seem superficial.

Some parents have tricky children or two or three ( or more) children who are close in age.
Some parents don't have the time to make their home look pristine when you visit.
Some parents are totally immersed in family life and feel that putting towels in to the airing cupboard is pointless.
Some people use their homes to live in , not to marvel at.

Beware of sweeping judgements.
Is your house pristine at the expense of playing with your children?
Is your house pristine because you have underlying mental health issues?
Is your house pristine because you need to post on Instagram?

Leave your friend alone to live her own life as she sees fit.
If her lifestyle bothers you then leave her be.

How do you think she would feel if she recognised you and herself on here?

I think it makes people uncomfortable to think that someone who they consider a friend would come into their home and judge it.

OP how would you feel if someone much tidier than you was judging you? It just isn't a nice feeling.

Bit of a drip feed. You didn't mention hoarding in your original post, just ordinary mess.

Surely in this case you recognise that as your issue and keep your own house accordingly? Do you judge others on theirs if it's not to your standards yourself, or do you accept people have different priorities? Would you post about another's home?

For starters I'm not talking about any of YOUR actual houses nor am I wanting to be YOUR friend.. so calm down!

How do you know?

I think you're right to recognise that the issue is your problem, not theirs. You'd hate my house - but everyone is fed, the place is cleaned regularly and we know where everything is. And my attitude is always that if you don't like my house, the front door is that way.

It was close to hoarding, some areas were floor to ceiling.

I don't believe this considering you only used the word 'untidy' initially.

People have different tolerance levels and different priorities. I can put up with so much mess and then .... Noooooooo. I have been to some friends houses and the level of mess, untidiness and general chaos would do my head in frankly.

For eg I really don't see why people don't tell their kids to take off shoes in the hall to stop them treading mud throughout the rest of the house - I think it's a bit manky. But not my house so ultimately don't care too much

Get a life, and find something better to do than housework! You're a long time dead

Don't come to my house then!!! Hahaha people have different standards and care about different things. I wouldn't judge what you describe.

I like to keep my own home tidy. What others like to do with theirs neither bothers nor interests me.

I dont see what its got to do with anything. You dont have to live there. Its not even dirty. It doesnt make her a bad person.

There's a lot of paper floating around my house because I edit academic journals for a living, and editing is best done on hard copy. I also review books and get many sent to me for free. I try to confine it to one room, but it escapes!

Perhaps unexpected visitors think I need to do better, but that's their unresolved childhood trauma to deal with, not mine.

yab very very very very U

Please don't talk to your friend about it! It's none of your business!!!

you will speak to your friend? Oh I'd love to be a fly on the wall at that convo!