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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Which part of this is enjoyable then, folks?

261 replies

Whichpart · 14/05/2022 07:21

Hey

which part of this is enjoyable? I am sick of hearing ‘enjoy every second’ ‘ they’re only young once’ ‘ don’t wish it away’ etc…

So which part of this am I meant to be enjoying?

the scramming?
the screaming?
the crying/whining?
the constant illnesses from nursery?
the shit?
the piss on the floor 20 seconds after they run away with no nappy?
the going to sleep at ten and waking every hour until they’re back up for the day at 5?
the 4am poo explosion?
the hair pulling?
the fighting with each other over toys?
the battles at bedtime?
the struggle to get them changed as they wriggle around and try to escape?
the fingers up my nose?
the grabbing my nipple as they try and climb me?

whoch part of this is everyone enjoying and looking back wishing they still had it?

AIBU to say that people either didn’t experience this absolute shit show OR their brain has forgotten it so that the species can continue pro creating??

OP posts:
stuntbubbles · 14/05/2022 07:24

How old are they?

I recognise some of your post, but not all. I think the enjoyability factor entirely depends on: what kind of children you get and what support you have, and it changes depending on ages.

It all gets more enjoyable after the hourly wake-up era ends.

Hugasauras · 14/05/2022 07:28

stuntbubbles · 14/05/2022 07:24

How old are they?

I recognise some of your post, but not all. I think the enjoyability factor entirely depends on: what kind of children you get and what support you have, and it changes depending on ages.

It all gets more enjoyable after the hourly wake-up era ends.

This. Not everything is enjoyable but DD has always made me laugh multiple times a day and I enjoy watching her learn about the world, how excited she gets about things, going places with her, the pride I have when she learns a new skill, the cuddles.

It sounds like you're in the trenches and having a rough time of it right now though.

DonAlfonso · 14/05/2022 07:28

I think there is a tendency to remember the good more than the bad, definitely. You sound like you’re really in the thick of it with young dc. It does get easier. Once you are getting a more sensible amount of sleep, everything is more dealable with.

Singleandproud · 14/05/2022 07:28

I think it the latter, you forget about the bad bits. You are stuck in the depths of it by the sounds of it, you have all the 'firsts' to enjoy, the infectious laughter of a small child, the three year old whossjust developing their own personality etc.

I only had one and after two years old everything got easier (apart from sleeping in her own bed all night, didn't crack that until she was 10!!!! And decided sleeping with mum just wasn't cool anymore).

If you've got more than one you've got all the bickering to contend with which I don't envy anyone.

DD is at secondary school now, it's highly unlikely that I'll have anymore and I'm sad my child rearing days are almost done. She's a great companion now but that infectious giggly laugh was years ago.

cptartapp · 14/05/2022 07:30

No I didn't enjoy that bit either. I outsourced as much as possible to paid childcare from four months each time and went back to work.
From three years on it was downhill all the way. Now older teens, and nowhere near as trying as those early years.

Louise0701 · 14/05/2022 07:30

YABU because this is not everyone’s experiences. I have 3 children and I’ve never felt the way you do. I mean, they cry when they’re upset and they use the toilet (and nappies when they were younger) but no to the rest of it.

Louise0701 · 14/05/2022 07:30

Oh and my youngest 2 have just turned 5 & 3 so not grown up either.

Photosymphysis · 14/05/2022 07:32

I started to enjoy bits of it after they turned 4.

They're a few years older now and it's a whole different ball game.

Babies & toddlers are hard work. I don't believe everyone enjoys it like they say.

However, even though I know how much I struggled, and how desperately awful most of those years were. The photos and videos I have (because the sleep deprivation wiped my memory clean of it all) are quite cute and endearing. And I think that's what people remember. Rather thank the strung out horror of it all. (My eldest had reflux and gets travel sick, so there was also vomit everywhere in those years before he was old enough to be medicated).

Keep going OP, it really does get easier.

QueenofLouisiana · 14/05/2022 07:32

You do kind of forget- now DS is nearly 17 it all feels a very long time ago. I remember the chubby legs paddling in the sea, not with shit running down them!

Overthebow · 14/05/2022 07:36

It does get easier op. What age are they? I have a toddler and she became so much easier and enjoyable at 18 months, and all my friends found that too, because at that age they can walk and talk so can get things for themselves and also tell you what’s wrong. Around then they also start being able to sit and entertain themselves for a bit longer, enough so you can sit and have a cup of tea and it really is a nice age to be able to take them out and about as they are so interested and excited about everything. Hang in there!

DropYourSword · 14/05/2022 07:37

I fucking HATED people saying enjoy every second. Made me feel like such a failure because I was definitely not able to enjoy every second of what I found was utter hell!

What I think is a much better saying is "enjoy the little/special moments". You can be having an utterly shit day but there's probably always at least one moment in every awful day that's still lovely, even just for a moment.

Carpy88999 · 14/05/2022 07:39

My son is 2.5 and annoys me every single day but also has me in fits of laughter and I wouldn't change it for the world. Being a parent has made me a better person.

picklemewalnuts · 14/05/2022 07:39

Some of it you get better at engineering out. There's a reason child minders and nannies are good with children- they've learned mad skills!

Things like changing them in the bathroom with the door shut, so they can't run off mid change.

The exhausting bit is the constant attention you need to pay. There's a line in an Arnie film about kids being like the ocean, never turn your back on them. You have to be mind reading every second to see what they are about to do and divert them.

If you think they are about to climb you, spin them round and face them the other way, or grab them and tickle them, or bounce them on your knee.

Basically you have no choice but to meet their needs or it just scales up into ever louder demands! So get in there early and head them off at the pass.

It doesn't go on for ever. They'll lock themselves in their room, only coming out to turn their nose up at your cooking soon enough!

beeswaxbonnie · 14/05/2022 07:41

So glad to see this thread, I could have written it myself. So many people constantly telling me "this is a dream and a blessing". Don't get me wrong I do love it at times but it's SUCH hard work. My neighbour even said to me the other day "there's nothing better than the sound of a baby crying!" ermmm ???

Sunnysideup999 · 14/05/2022 07:47

i remember the brutality of everything you wrote.
mine are older now but I often watch videos of them at this age playing in the sandpit or running around or laughing or generally being cute and my heart years to be back there for a bit.
It’s unrealistic to say enjoy every second . In fact it’s a ridiculous thing to say! But enjoy the good bits . Definitely !

ICanSmellSummerComing · 14/05/2022 07:47

It's gruelling op just a break can help then you come back fresh.
Looking back I wish I had had just a few Hours once a week etx

MissChanandlerBong80 · 14/05/2022 07:48

I think having kids (a toddler by the sounds of it?) that go sleep at 10pm, wake hourly and get up for the day at 5am sounds absolutely brutal and that is the root of your problem - how can you enjoy anything if you’re only getting a few hours’ broken sleep at night and no time for yourself whatsoever?

I suspect most people who tell you to enjoy every second probably didn’t have sleep issues like that.

ICanSmellSummerComing · 14/05/2022 07:48
  • my yiunger DC pee however never bothered me? More like water.
YoyosToe · 14/05/2022 07:52

It is relentless OP.

There are parts though that I do think I'll miss. Not all of it like in your OP! But definitely snippets. Like when he runs over to sit on my knee when there's a film on and lets me play with his hair (not for long but I love it for the 2 minutes he allows it!), or when he'll come for a quick cuddle and then run off again etc..

There are certainly little things dotted in the drudge that make my heart skip.

TheMoth · 14/05/2022 07:53

I'm always drawn to these threads😁
I felt the same a lot of the time. It was hard going from being independent and free to being at the beck and call of a tiny tyrant. Then 2 tiny tyrants. It was exhausting and often boring and I constantly ached from all the lifting/ bending etc. And I was pretty fit cos I did the gym before and throughout. It was also relentless. Especially when I went back to work and had to come home to it, then spent weekends doing it.

On the other hand, I'm not suffering from a feeling of being unnecessary now they're older and have their own lives. I. Love. It. I should have been really rich and had an army of nannies for the early bits.

isthismylifenow · 14/05/2022 07:58

You do forget the rougher days. You may keep a memory of, yeah it was quite tough then. But as you go into the next stage you do tend to forget the issues you are having now, and then focus on the current ones.

The issues don't stay the same, but there is always something going on. Well that is what I found.

And now here I am now with the most crushing empty nest syndrome ever. I feel like no one needs me now, after all the years of everyone needing me... All the time.

So I think parenting is made up of phases. It won't be like this forever. But you will just move onto to the next phase and look back one day and think, phew, we got through that time...

It's OK to not enjoy every single bit. But there are the parts in between that you im sure you do love. Those are the parts you will remember more.

girlmom21 · 14/05/2022 08:01

How old are they OP? Are they non-verbal? Because if they're not and they're old enough to be fighting at bedtime I bet you've had some lovely conversations, games etc and right now you're just too clouded by exhaustion to see it. Do you have support IRL?

JuneOsborne · 14/05/2022 08:02

It's the seeing the wonder of the world through babies and children's eyes.

When you give them something new to eat and they have that first taste. The way they screw up their face, not at all sure if they like it. But then, they realise it's delicious and have another bit and another bit and they can't get enough of it.

When they figure out that the round peg goes in the round hole and they've mastered it.

When they realise that it's an aeroplane in the sky.

When they want to pick all of the daisies in the park to give you a bouquet.

When they are tired and they climb on your lap and get in that comfy position on you and you feel them relax.

When they start to recognise letters and words and then read out the road signs.

When they start school and they're looking for you to tell their teacher o can see my mommy and they run over to you like their life depends on it.

When you're swimming with them and they no longer grip you for dear life, they swim a bit on their own and they are as proud of punch as themselves.

When they crack the first egg in the baking bowl and it all goes in. The smile!

And so it goes on. My first is a bit older now. It when he sends me screenshots from insta of the next pretentious coffee place he's found and suggests we go together on Friday. Or, when he comes downstairs and sees.me drying up and takes the tea towel off me and says I'll do this mum.

Or when my 9yo says, let's snuggle up together and read mommy, it's my favourite place to be you know.

And so much more. You must have moments like this?

Bromeliadh · 14/05/2022 08:07

People feel differently depending on what their kids are like and what they would rather be doing with their time. Some people love looking after kids and can think of nothing better. Others find it a drudgery that prevents them doing the stuff they really want to do. My youngest starts school soon, everyone expects me to be sad but I’m clapping my hands about getting my life back.

Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 14/05/2022 08:10

There are moments like this. My kids are 6 (oh my goodness the attitude at the moment) and nearly 3 (potty training disaster, still doesn’t sleep well and tantrum city) and there are moments when I feel like this. Normally on the back of a tricky week, of illnesses or something happening and lack of me time. But at the same time there are so many lovely thing things to enjoy. The things which are just fun, the proud moments when they achieve something and random I love yous and all the cuddles.

OP if its all feeling bad then you need to think about talking to your HV or GP and looking at what can be changed.

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