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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Which part of this is enjoyable then, folks?

261 replies

Whichpart · 14/05/2022 07:21

Hey

which part of this is enjoyable? I am sick of hearing ‘enjoy every second’ ‘ they’re only young once’ ‘ don’t wish it away’ etc…

So which part of this am I meant to be enjoying?

the scramming?
the screaming?
the crying/whining?
the constant illnesses from nursery?
the shit?
the piss on the floor 20 seconds after they run away with no nappy?
the going to sleep at ten and waking every hour until they’re back up for the day at 5?
the 4am poo explosion?
the hair pulling?
the fighting with each other over toys?
the battles at bedtime?
the struggle to get them changed as they wriggle around and try to escape?
the fingers up my nose?
the grabbing my nipple as they try and climb me?

whoch part of this is everyone enjoying and looking back wishing they still had it?

AIBU to say that people either didn’t experience this absolute shit show OR their brain has forgotten it so that the species can continue pro creating??

OP posts:
Louise0701 · 14/05/2022 08:36

@girlmom21 I bet they’re over the moon with it! I certainly would be if she were my mother!
boarding school or a mother who can’t stand us for more than 2 hours a week. Clear winner here! Some people just shouldn’t have children.

Bumpsadaisie · 14/05/2022 08:36

Ages 8-12 are lovely!

Hang in there OP

Mymoneydontjigglejiggle · 14/05/2022 08:39

I have 3 DC: 5yo, 2yo and 6mo so I'm still in the thick of it. I enjoy the cuddles, watching their little characters develop, the fact I'm their favourite person EVER (I am very conscious this will very soon not be the case!), how sweet and innocent they are, sharing their new experiences from trying new foods to visiting different places, building our own little family traditions. I agree with you on broken sleep and the illnesses. However on a day to day basis I do enjoy it - mine can go through phases of crying / fussing more but usually they aren't too bad.

IvorCutler · 14/05/2022 08:40

I found the baby stage incredibly hard with both of mine (post natal depression) but they are joy now they’re both in primary school. It does get easier. DC1 did actually sleep but DC2 didn’t until they turned 2 and I stopped breast feeding.

Xtraincome · 14/05/2022 08:41

Enjoy every second- the single most irritating phrase. I think it came from the boomer generation as you had to constantly demonstrate how wonderful and MC you were with perfect kids etc. It has spilled over a lot into our generation where we aren't striving for the same level of perfection so it makes us overthink everything.

It's hard to say how difficult parenting is to people like that and can make you feel more isolated and, in turn, frustrated.

I have DD4 and DD7 and it is the best time!! I much prefer it to baby cuddle stages. It's the reason I stopped at 2.

Pick your own mantra to suit you. Just look for the joy in the non-stressful moments and do your best to ignore the tedious narrative which forces you to find joy in a crap one's.

You'll be alright OP

BellePeppa · 14/05/2022 08:44

Whichpart · 14/05/2022 07:21

Hey

which part of this is enjoyable? I am sick of hearing ‘enjoy every second’ ‘ they’re only young once’ ‘ don’t wish it away’ etc…

So which part of this am I meant to be enjoying?

the scramming?
the screaming?
the crying/whining?
the constant illnesses from nursery?
the shit?
the piss on the floor 20 seconds after they run away with no nappy?
the going to sleep at ten and waking every hour until they’re back up for the day at 5?
the 4am poo explosion?
the hair pulling?
the fighting with each other over toys?
the battles at bedtime?
the struggle to get them changed as they wriggle around and try to escape?
the fingers up my nose?
the grabbing my nipple as they try and climb me?

whoch part of this is everyone enjoying and looking back wishing they still had it?

AIBU to say that people either didn’t experience this absolute shit show OR their brain has forgotten it so that the species can continue pro creating??

When my children were young I’d read about some celebrity mother saying she was enjoying every single second of motherhood and I just couldn’t wrap my head around it. I love my children very much (now grown) but I did not enjoy the early years. I loved the tiny baby stage but that didn’t last long. I much preferred parenthood once they were older and you could reason with them.

Summersdreaming · 14/05/2022 08:45

I found the first 4/5 years very tough, dd was a very poorly baby but even putting that aside the days felt very long and tedious. I do not have the temperament to be constantly physically and mentally needed 24/7 so the toddler phase was the worst, I was knackered and rubbish at pretend play. It did make me quite down.. then dd got a bit older and it gradually got better. Bike rides, board games, playing PS4 together, walks when everybody actually walks and nobody lies on the floor screaming, days out when they actually engage with what's going on, now she's even older and we go shopping, to gigs etc. I am in my comfort zone again and enjoying life with my dd. Would I ever go through the early years again? NO! But it can get better.

Mrsteapot42 · 14/05/2022 08:46

I made a post similar to yours OP about three years ago under a different account. I got a lot of shit for being a shit mum etc and I still remember now so many people telling me I shouldn't have had kids.

The reality was actually I didn't hate being a mum, I hated being a full time working mum in a job I detested. I was depressed. A close family member was dying and my eldest child had undiagnosed autism.

My family member has since died and I am coping with my grief. My son has been diagnosed with autism and we have strategies and support mechanisms in place for him. But most importantly, I have changed jobs and do something that I enjoy that means I don't come home super stressed out everyday.

BellePeppa · 14/05/2022 08:46

Didn’t mean to quote OP in my reply as that’s annoying when people do that.

sashagabadon · 14/05/2022 08:47

None of that is remotely enjoyable but now i love it. Meeting my dd (young adult) before her shift starts this on for lunch and very much looking forward to it.

Bumpsadaisie · 14/05/2022 08:48

My youngest (10) announced he was old enough now to scoot to school himself. I waved out of the window and watched him scoot off, and join a friend on the corner.

I suddenly remembered all the school runs as a very little boy where he didn't want to separate from me and the strain of trying to help him manage that while also insisting he went to school. All the nights when he was a baby and didn't want to sleep in his cot alone. The time when he was about the start walking but couldn't quite do it and was so cross and frustrated. How desperate I was for him to grow up and things to be easier.

Then I looked again out the window at this tall young lad - who packed his own bag and made his own arrangements to meet his friends - and I realised my "small children" days are gone forever and I will never get them back.

That's both a very sad and happy feeling all at the same time.

AliasGrape · 14/05/2022 08:48

It’s sleep deprivation, you sound like you’re in the thick of it and utterly exhausted. I’d honestly look at what you can throw at the sleep issue to hopefully get some decent rest and then maybe you’ll be able to enjoy more of the good bits and endure the crappy bits a bit better. Whatever that looks like, whether it’s finding the money for a sleep consultant, getting their dad to take them both out for a full morning (or day) so you can catch up on sleep, changing sleeping arrangements somehow.

I read it as you having twins, or at least two very close in age. That does sound a special kind of hard and I’m in awe of people who manage it.

I have one nearly 2 year old. I don’t enjoy every minute, parts are really challenging and parts are just dull or a bit lonely or whatever. But I do enjoy a lot of it (most?). The cuddles, the way she laughs her head off at crazy things and makes me laugh too, her little dance any time she hears music, showing and teaching her things, watching her grow and develop, every time she starts using a new word or phrase, seeing the way she’s like me and the ways she’s like DH and the ways she’s just uniquely herself. But I do get a reasonable sleep most nights - it’s always a bit disturbed and I’m always a certain level of tired, but I do get a decent block each night so everything is that bit more manageable. Without that I’d definitely fail to see as many positives.

BellePeppa · 14/05/2022 08:49

Xtraincome · 14/05/2022 08:41

Enjoy every second- the single most irritating phrase. I think it came from the boomer generation as you had to constantly demonstrate how wonderful and MC you were with perfect kids etc. It has spilled over a lot into our generation where we aren't striving for the same level of perfection so it makes us overthink everything.

It's hard to say how difficult parenting is to people like that and can make you feel more isolated and, in turn, frustrated.

I have DD4 and DD7 and it is the best time!! I much prefer it to baby cuddle stages. It's the reason I stopped at 2.

Pick your own mantra to suit you. Just look for the joy in the non-stressful moments and do your best to ignore the tedious narrative which forces you to find joy in a crap one's.

You'll be alright OP

I’m a Boomer and hate that expression myself! Enjoy every second can put a lot of pressure on someone and make them feel a failure if they are very much not enjoying every second.

lljkk · 14/05/2022 08:50

Sorry you're having a bad time, OP. xx
It's even worse with teenagers, you have to separate the bad moments from the good ones or you can't enjoy anyone's company.

lightisnotwhite · 14/05/2022 08:50

Harridan1981 · 14/05/2022 08:24

Clearing up poo is not fun for anyone.

I honestly never minded cleaning up poo, wee or vomit.

The tedium of a toddler that required brain numbing routine to keep him happy really. I can still recite Thomas Tank, sings, books and videos by heart. Two and a half long years that felt like a decade.

purpleme12 · 14/05/2022 08:51

I loved the early years overall.
That didn't mean it wasn't really hard sometimes
The good outweighed the bad.
She was my best friend and even though she was hard it's so much more complicated now she's older.
I'd go back and do it again

TeddyisMydog · 14/05/2022 08:55

Yeah ime none of it in enjoyable. I have 4 which I bitterly regret.
I don't enjoy their 'firsts' either
(I am in the very thick of post natal depression however)

Ugzbugz · 14/05/2022 08:59

Toddlers are brutal and lack of sleep is even worse. It's very hard to be level headed and cope well when you have years of broken sleep and I did so I know. I think from 4 is much easier.

Babdoc · 14/05/2022 09:03

I am a Boomer, and I don’t know where you got your strange idea that we sought perfection in motherhood, Extraincome !
We were much more relaxed about it - none of this modern helicopter parenting and micromanaging, our kids thrived on benign neglect. Mine were put to bed at a reasonable hour, long before 10pm, they were bottle fed and weaned early, and slept through the night from 8 weeks.
I continued to work part time as a hospital doctor, so had a break from the kids during the week, which helped refresh me and provide adult company.
OP, I think you just need a breather and some “me time”, unless you are clinically depressed and need assessment and treatment for pnd by your GP.

paddingtonstares · 14/05/2022 09:03

There is a reason sleep deprivation is used as torture but apparently we are supposed to be happy to be tortured by our children. When my DC were little docs were not interested in sleep issues.
If I hadn't had mine close together DC2 and 3 wouldn't have been born. I was young, naive and gullible. I hated those years, coupled with PND an utterly miserable existence. I can't really remember the enjoyable days as they were so few and far in between.

They are all adults now, I now get the constant drama, jobs, relationships, mortgages, rent, health.
no escape
I have a good relationship with them, they are far more sensible and the 2 younger aren't having DC.
Eldest has 3 with an ex. more fucking drama

Hang in there OP, you will develop coping, outsourcing or alcoholism ...and the poster who said boarding school..🤣👌

Original poster
Whichpart · 14/05/2022 09:04

To those saying ‘this isn’t my experience’ is exactly proving my point.. I said that in the OP.

i think some are getting the wrong idea, I haven’t said I hate anything OR that I don’t like being a parent. I am asking what about what I posted is enjoyable- as some people so love to say ‘enjoy every second’ ‘don’t wish it away’

Lol at the person saying I should have known before having kids, how? From where? Where is the manual?

OP posts:
AmbushedByCake1 · 14/05/2022 09:09

Why did you have another if you were finding it so stressful?

Original poster
Whichpart · 14/05/2022 09:10

AmbushedByCake1 · 14/05/2022 09:09

Why did you have another if you were finding it so stressful?

Where do I say I find it stressful 😂

OP posts:
growandhope · 14/05/2022 09:12

it is funny because I agree with the post and now out of that part of parenting I am getting very maudling!! I think when people say it to you, they mean well; that is the time in life that matters the most.

Beachcomber74 · 14/05/2022 09:15

Co-sleep. With some sleep everything is possible. I only realised this with no.3. I didn’t need to get up once for DS as he was always next to me waking occasionally for a feed. Disclaimer-he’s now 11 and still prefers to be settled off to sleep!!!