Which part of this is enjoyable then, folks?

[Whichpart]

Hey

which part of this is enjoyable? I am sick of hearing ‘enjoy every second’ ‘ they’re only young once’ ‘ don’t wish it away’ etc…

So which part of this am I meant to be enjoying?

the scramming?
the screaming?
the crying/whining?
the constant illnesses from nursery?
the shit?
the piss on the floor 20 seconds after they run away with no nappy?
the going to sleep at ten and waking every hour until they’re back up for the day at 5?
the 4am poo explosion?
the hair pulling?
the fighting with each other over toys?
the battles at bedtime?
the struggle to get them changed as they wriggle around and try to escape?
the fingers up my nose?
the grabbing my nipple as they try and climb me?

whoch part of this is everyone enjoying and looking back wishing they still had it?

AIBU to say that people either didn’t experience this absolute shit show OR their brain has forgotten it so that the species can continue pro creating??

Ah, OP, I feel you. It is HARD, and some days you question why you ever did it at all. I am through that stage by some years now, but I agree with previous posters that the sleep deprivation must be making it a million times harder – and I understnad that too; both of mine were terrible sleepers and it wrecks you.

Mine are a teen and a pre-teen now and though there are different problems, I find it so much easier. We are now also good friends – I don't mean we're best buds or anything, just that they're really good company and we can chat and laugh about things, which is lovely. And they're kind and caring and help out –again, not all the time, by any means(!!), but when they do it does make you realise that the slog of the early years has paid off in some way. I'm sorry, because I know that probably feels light years away and when you're knee deep in it, next week feels like a long time away never mind many years, but please know that you're not alone, you are absolutely not being unreasonable, and it will become more enjoyable, I promise. Hugs to you.

Great post from EthicalNonMahogany especially

I think some of the greatest human philosophy boils down to this -choose to see some joy in the world even though it coexists with pain.

That’s what the annoying fuckers mean by “enjoy every moment”.

I had a reflux baby it was a living hell until 18 months and no one got it, being up every 20 mins sick screaming it was tough but we got through it at 2 she sleeps through and loves her baby sister she occasionally trys to ride her and makes her cry but i think thats just kids. Second baby slept till 4 majority of the time no sick just really mellow. I dont think everyone experiences tge shit show tbh and they find it hard to comprehend i feel like i hace ptsd from it

i want to frame this post.

My 3 kids are adults now and I love having them in my life - they are my best friends and make my life so much more fun. BUT - I still remember the relentless drudgery of when they were young and how much I hated and resented it. I had no family around to help (except OH who worked 8-6pm every day) so it was literally full-on 24/7 for years. No time off, constant negotiations and reasoning, constant crying, screaming, whining. Both my daughters were terrible sleepers until they were about 4 or 5.

Of course, there were lovely moments too - many, many of them. But now when I look after my 2 grandchildren once a week, I am reminded of how much I hated being a mother to young children. I love my grand-daughters more than life itself and enjoy looking after them for the most part but I think I do have a bit of 'trauma' still from when my own kids were young as I can never truly relax when I'm looking after them. When they come for a sleepover I lay awake all night waiting for them to wake (even though I know they won't, they're good sleepers). I always feel a sense of relief when I return them to my daughter in one piece 😂

It is hard OP - it will get better but I do think for some people it is always hard.

Just to add - if you're on Instagram, do follow @ motherplace. She is great with reassurance and understanding on this topic.

Sorry - amotherplace, not motherplace (have left out the @ as Mumsnet won't let me include it because it's not a username on here.

I agree OP, but then you get a smile 😃.

Most people were too fucking tired and stressed to make new memories of the shitty pissy vomitty bits... You only remember the good bits when your brain was not in survival mode...

Can I just say my poor sleeper, feeding 20 plus times a day, crying grizzling, poonami baby is giving me very little trouble during the teen years....

None of the stuff you mention is enjoyable imo. Loads of parenting is a massive grind and I’m always a bit sceptical whether people really enjoy it as much as they say they do. Perfectly possible to love your kids with every ounce of your being whilst simultaneously finding them exhausting, tedious and filthy.

Having said that, I also dislike musicals and massages so am quite possibly an outlier in what I actually enjoy.

You could have chosen to be childfree. It’s bliss 😊

I read a thread on here not long ago OP, and it talked about women martyring themselves, which is why they were finding parenting so brutal. In fact, I think the title of the thread was something like 'is parenting supposed to be this brutal' or words to that affect.

I found it truly eye opening because I was being that martyr. Don't get me wrong there's some things that are truly not enjoyable, but I was focusing all my energy on them.

I've started doing more for myself and letting standards slip a bit (beans on toast for tea, not stressing about homemade every night) and it's helping a bit.

You are in the fog, I've been in it for 6 years now (mine ar 6, 4 and 1). I moan to some of my childfree friends about similar from time to time, as it is repetitive and hard work when they are little. My friends roll their eyes and aren't very sympathetic as we chose to have children (very true!).

I've had countless old people come up to me on the street or out and about and tell me about their family (often sad stories about how people are gone now) and you can see the joy on their face when they relive telling you about their family and they always say "enjoy it, they won't always be like this" I do get it though. I'm in the fog but I have fleeting moments of pure joy, it's so cheesy but my heart is the fullest it has ever felt but my house is a tip and I haven't slept in years!! I completely understand your need to moan, it doesn't mean you don't love your kids or regret anything, it's just in the moment you think what is this hell I'm living 🤣.

Having young kids is flipping hard.

When you’re out of it, you look back on it fondly because you gloss over all the awful bits.

Just take comfort in the fact it doesn’t last forever.

I think it’s the lack of sleep making everything seem so miserable.

I had to get out and do things with friends and their kids every day, to keep me sane in the early years. And wine. Lots of it!

Mine are in their 20s now and I sure as shit wish I'd focused more on my list and less on yours.

I think this is key. Focus on the good bits. Mine are teens now but when I had a 2-year-old and a newborn my dh was going through a very bad time mental health-wise, I wasn't sure he would make it through it, I had no family support and was only 24, I knew I had to do something to stop me from sinking too so every day I focused on the good bits. I shared their joy at all the little things, I made nappy changes into games, I made nighttime wakings into time to really bond with them and snuggle etc. I did that until I didn't have to make an effort anymore to focus on it and it just came naturally to hone in on the positives. It sounds twee but it really worked for me in what was looking back a really awful time with dh being so ill, barely coping financially etc.

@DaisyQuakeJohnson that was the whole point of the thread, things that are obviously not enjoyable but can - sometimes - make up large proportions of the day looking after two small babies/children.

i didn’t say I hated parenting or found it brutal, I didn’t say I regretted it or whatever else anyone has said. I think they’re mistaking my post with someone else’s…..

Sorry you're struggling. I don't recognise a lot of your post but hope you can get some support to feel better soon. Don't get me wrong I had moments of feeling exhausted but even on a bad day with no sleep I still loved it.

• moments of feeling like this especially when exhausted I meant to say!

To be fair I don’t think it gets any better with age ( of the children) ; the goalposts are forever moving and the worries and crap bits are just different.
But, like giving birth, those bits are soon forgotten and the better memories remain. But you never stop worrying, even when they are adults.

A lot of the time I do get ground down by the squabbling, fighting demands and mess but also every day there are moments of pure joy - my 2 giggling together is the best thing ever. I hope that the sleep situation improves soon.

Op you need a break and you need one this weekend.

When I reached this level of exasperation it was time for a rest. Can anyone look after your dc even for a few hours?

I get you op. I love dd to the moon and back but I wasn't that in to being covered in bodily fluids, breast feeding, lack of freedom or all that yummy mummy stuff. And that's ok.
Now as a teen she makes me laugh every day despite various challenges.

Can you get respite via nursery?

Who says enjoy every second? I’ve heard people say to make the most of every second, but that means something massively different. It is impossible to enjoy every second of anything whatsoever - unless whatever you enjoyed literally only lasted a few seconds.