Which part of this is enjoyable then, folks?

[Whichpart]

Hey

which part of this is enjoyable? I am sick of hearing ‘enjoy every second’ ‘ they’re only young once’ ‘ don’t wish it away’ etc…

So which part of this am I meant to be enjoying?

the scramming?
the screaming?
the crying/whining?
the constant illnesses from nursery?
the shit?
the piss on the floor 20 seconds after they run away with no nappy?
the going to sleep at ten and waking every hour until they’re back up for the day at 5?
the 4am poo explosion?
the hair pulling?
the fighting with each other over toys?
the battles at bedtime?
the struggle to get them changed as they wriggle around and try to escape?
the fingers up my nose?
the grabbing my nipple as they try and climb me?

whoch part of this is everyone enjoying and looking back wishing they still had it?

AIBU to say that people either didn’t experience this absolute shit show OR their brain has forgotten it so that the species can continue pro creating??

i didn’t say I hated parenting or found it brutal, I didn’t say I regretted it or whatever else anyone has said. I think they’re mistaking my post with someone else’s…..

Well, all anyone had to go on was your OP that listed a lot of shit stuff, which made it sound like all you could see was shit stuff, which influenced the replies you got. No one’s mistaking your post with anyone else’s, it’s just striking that a lot of people picked up the same thing from your post, which was that you sounded overwhelmed and sleep-deprived and not seeing any joy in parenting.

Like many things in life, I enjoyed parts of it and didn't enjoy others.
A lot of the enjoyment was around watching them - watching them play, watching them sleep, watching them engrossed in a TV show. I didn't much enjoy actually playing with them ☺️
Changing nappies was fine. Toilet training was frustrating. I think I just gave up caring too much after the first two!
Making a mess when eating was one of my bugbears so I'd only give them messy stuff when I had energy.
Just trying to make my life easier in every way possible so that I was able to just sit back and watch.

I wish I could forget the shitshow of parenting an infant. The relentless drudgery traumatised me. I couldn’t face going through it again - so I never had a second baby.

Precisely this 👍

I have three and it’s really the lack of sleep that kills and makes you less able to cope with the harder days.

Yeah the lack of sleep is chronic now to be fair🥴. It’s been more than 2 years since I’ve woken up naturally - whaaaaat.

@NoSquirrels I see what you mean, I do think it’s fun that people have said ‘it’s not their experience..’ when I’ve listed a load of stuff that every single baby/kid does 😂🥲 it proves the point.

how dare anyone say that any part of parenting is less than bliss and gush over it - someone actually said they enjoyed every second on this thread 😬 cleaning smeared shit.. for example, literally nobody enjoys that but somehow parents can’t say they don’t enjoy stuff otherwise it’s
‘oh you’re overwhelmed’ ‘do you have depression from lack of sleep’ 😅

in reality some moments are cute but the bulk of it isn’t that enjoyable so saying to someone ‘don’t wish it away’ or ‘enjoy every second’ whilst gushing with rose tinted glasses on isn’t actually a great thing to do

my dad said the other weekend as my toddler stole food off his plate and then put back what he didn’t like: ‘aww it’s lush isn’t it, it’s so lovely when they do that’ spoken like a man who gets to eat every meal undisturbed and has done for three decades 😂🫣

I don’t get the thinking behind someone who would come to comment if they didn’t understand/had never felt this way, what value does it add except for giving them a boost of smugness?

The enjoyable bits For me were the smile in the morning when you get them from their cot , the hugs and just being the most important thing to them, the joy of watching them achieve or learn something new, yes theirs tough times , but as they get older you miss those tiny hands wrapped around you

One thing i will add its mine were always good sleepers we always got a good 8 hrs sleep and I think that helped a lot.
Sometimes you only miss something when its no longer there

But OP some of us do enjoy a vast majority of it we accept that changing nappies isn't enjoyable but its part and parcel, same as many people who enjoy their jobs they will still have the odd few things they dislike but you say it as an overall as opposed to dissecting in to each little bit
And everyones experience is totally unique

I found the baby and toddler years blissful. Strict bedtime routine from 12 weeks with all 3 so we never had any sleep issues and i got to spend the evening eating with and chatting to with my husband. We had nice little outtings and trips at weekends and it all felt really Happy Families.

They are late teens now and frankly its been fucking awful. Im so over being a parent now and can't wait till they all bugger off to Uni so we can have some calm back.

I didn’t live every second but I loved most of it. But I went back to work when he was 8 months and I loved the days when it was just me and DS1.
I don’t think I ever forgot how awful 3 years of infertility were and DS 1 was a good sleeper.
DS2 was harder but I still enjoyed most of it.
I think the key things were getting enough sleep and go back to work. I would have gone mad as a sahm.

I think that the hardest bit about parenting is the lack of sleep.
I did controlled crying on all 3 of mine aged 7 months. Then they slept through the night.
The difference was extreme. The difference in how I felt, how much happier and less stressed they were etc etc.

But I know many parents for whom that has not worked, and I do not in any way take credit for the fact mine are good sleepers.

Once the tiredness is taken out of the equation, everything else is easier.

I remember my SIL got a sleep consultant in in the end with her two, and said that one of the first things the woman said to her is that it is not normal to be so tired and to have to function on so little sleep, and that we as a society should recognise this and help women (because it is always the women) to find ways to get their kids to sleep properly.

and I agree with Sweet crunchy. For us baby and toddler years were pretty straightforward and the routines worked. Mine are now mid-late teens and teens has been bloody hard and I woudl swap it for dealing with dirty nappies any day.

sorry I realise that that sounds as if you shouldn't be stressed by your babies etc, I just mean that I have found the last few years pretty shitty. Every family is different in what the tough stuff is.

I think a lot of it depends on the child that you have. The first children of two of my cousins were easy babies and toddlers. Slept through at two months, stayed close to mum, listened, entertained themselves early on, you get the idea. Their second babies were non sleepy hourly wake up babies (for years) that didn't listen, didn't eat, bolted once they could walk and needed entertaining and watching constantly. They both said that after their second they understood what other people found hard and OMG not having a third!

I had one of those for my first. She is my favourite person in the whole world but I'm too exhausted to properly enjoy her. Not going for a second either, I just can't handle that.

Well, I’d try finding a way to enjoy it now once they’re cute because on the whole it gets worse later on before it gets better.

Agreed! Enjoy every second. Boke. Fuck right off to fuckety fuckland.

This made me feel like such a failure of a parent because I do NOT like the newborn phase at all!

This was not my experience either. Screaming only when hurt and waking up only when sick. None of the rest of it. But then I raised mine in the days when parents disciplined first instead of explaining.

The scramming is extremely enjoyable but unfortunately they don't tend to do it until they're 18...

This was not my experience either. Screaming only when hurt and waking up only when sick. None of the rest of it. But then I raised mine in the days when parents disciplined first instead of explaining.

Discipline a baby? Bullshit. Even with toddlers is more about their personality,than your parenting techniques.

All of it, honestly. Even the nit-combing and poonami explosions. Plus cuddling warm, sleepy toddlers, holding little hands and the hysterical laughter every day. I LOVED toddlers and little children. They're nearly 18 and 20 now and I still adore them, but I miss their early childhoods a lot.

I do remember how relentlessly exhausting and hard it was, though. It just doesn't stop me from missing it.

the scramming? Don’t know what that is.
the screaming? Only screaming was fun, never just screamed.
the crying/whining? I used to say “are they real tears?” when they obviously weren’t. Whining, I’d ask them to talk to me properly.
the constant illnesses from nursery? Very lucky there, DC were rarely poorly.
the shit?maybe because we had a dog it never bothered me.
the piss on the floor 20 seconds after they run away with no nappy? keep them pinned down (not literally)
the going to sleep at ten and waking every hour until they’re back up for the day at 5? very lucky again, very good sleepers
the 4am poo explosion? thankfully a rare occurrence, the poo after DCs 1st curry was horrendous
the hair pulling? only did it a couple of times explained it hurt
the fighting with each other over toys? took the toy away
the battles at bedtime? good routine from newborn, no battles
the struggle to get them changed as they wriggle around and try to escape? made it a game
the fingers up my nose? might have blocked this from memory.
the grabbing my nipple as they try and climb me? small boobs, didn’t happen but getting my boob knocked when my milk came in, I think I told someone to take them away!

none of it lasts forever, doesn’t necessarily get easier, just changes. We’re all doing our best. Shame they don’t come with a manual.

the scramming? Don’t know what that is.

like cutting skin with nails, dragging nails down skin to create a cut.. (they’re cut as short as I can but they point up for some reason and no clipper or file is help).

the screaming? Only screaming was fun, never just screamed.

that sounds fantastic, mine both scream A LOT out of frustration/tired/upset etc

the crying/whining? I used to say “are they real tears?” when they obviously weren’t. Whining, I’d ask them to talk to me properly.

i do/have done that and it doesn’t work.

the shit?maybe because we had a dog it never bothered me.

I also had a dog, cleaning smeared poop from chubby orifices isn’t the same and putting your hand in a bag and scooping a poop.

the piss on the floor 20 seconds after they run away with no nappy? keep them pinned down (not literally)

we try, sometimes there’s another crisis mid change I have to attend to.

the going to sleep at ten and waking every hour until they’re back up for the day at 5? very lucky again, very good sleepers

I wish, I really wish. By the time chores are done everyday it’s 10pm (neither is awake at 10 I that’s just when I go to sleep)

the 4am poo explosion? thankfully a rare occurrence, the poo after DCs 1st curry was horrendous

not rare for us oddly, he’s chubby round the waist but that means we have to get bigger nappies and the legs are a bit saggy

the hair pulling? only did it a couple of times explained it hurt

it happens every time I pick them up, they love ‘playing with my hair’ which means pulling tiny strands or stroking it with sticky hands so it drags loads of strands out 😂

the fighting with each other over toys? took the toy away

heck we’d have none left - suppose that would solve the problem tho.

the battles at bedtime? good routine from newborn, no battles

we have a good routine, paid a sleep consultant this is miles better than it was, still lots of tears

the struggle to get them changed as they wriggle around and try to escape? made it a game

same game everyday 2+ times per day? Yawn

the fingers up my nose? might have blocked this from memory.

probably they love it 😂

the grabbing my nipple as they try and climb me? small boobs, didn’t happen but getting my boob knocked when my milk came in, I think I told someone to take them away!

i have massive saggy boobs that sway in the wind, it’s not hard for them to get in the way

For someone like me who is pregnant with my first, those are the v posts that I cling onto. Otherwise, it’s all too fucking depressing / worrying / terrifying.