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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Which part of this is enjoyable then, folks?

261 replies

Whichpart · 14/05/2022 07:21

Hey

which part of this is enjoyable? I am sick of hearing ‘enjoy every second’ ‘ they’re only young once’ ‘ don’t wish it away’ etc…

So which part of this am I meant to be enjoying?

the scramming?
the screaming?
the crying/whining?
the constant illnesses from nursery?
the shit?
the piss on the floor 20 seconds after they run away with no nappy?
the going to sleep at ten and waking every hour until they’re back up for the day at 5?
the 4am poo explosion?
the hair pulling?
the fighting with each other over toys?
the battles at bedtime?
the struggle to get them changed as they wriggle around and try to escape?
the fingers up my nose?
the grabbing my nipple as they try and climb me?

whoch part of this is everyone enjoying and looking back wishing they still had it?

AIBU to say that people either didn’t experience this absolute shit show OR their brain has forgotten it so that the species can continue pro creating??

OP posts:
Original poster
Whichpart · 15/05/2022 20:10

I didn’t believe it either @Clymene .. doesn’t mean I think it should continue

OP posts:
Goldijobsandthe3bears · 15/05/2022 20:19

Clymene · 15/05/2022 19:59

I'm not a perfect mother by any means. But nor did I believe anyone who said shit like 'enjoy every moment'. If you believe that kind of tripe then I'm sorry you fell for a hallmark story of parenting.

It's boring and relentless. But if you're at work full time, you really don't have that relentless shit. You can piss in peace and the times your hair or your nipples are pulled are few and far between.

I didn't enjoy much of parenting babies. It was boring and shit a lot of the time. But I owned it. I didn't say 'oh no, I'm not stressed or angry and I don't hate it, whatever gives you that idea?' That's just idiotic.

I very much enjoy being a parent to older children. I knew I wasn't going to enjoy the baby bit but it's very short in the grand scheme of things.

You told someone they should have their children adopted, wtf dude I mean seriously that’s just not right however you slice it.

Clymene · 15/05/2022 20:40

@Goldijobsandthe3bears I said if she couldn't find any joy in it at all she should consider it. So many children are damaged by parents who really really resent their children.

Goldijobsandthe3bears · 15/05/2022 20:45

Clymene · 15/05/2022 20:40

@Goldijobsandthe3bears I said if she couldn't find any joy in it at all she should consider it. So many children are damaged by parents who really really resent their children.

It’s too far, what would possess you to say such a thing. There is nothing to justify saying that to someone you don’t even know 😨 the internet sucks sometimes

HollowMollows · 15/05/2022 20:51

When they are finally lying in bed fast asleep 😉

Clymene · 15/05/2022 20:54

It was a suggestion, not an edict @Goldijobsandthe3bears

Goldijobsandthe3bears · 15/05/2022 20:59

Clymene · 15/05/2022 20:54

It was a suggestion, not an edict @Goldijobsandthe3bears

That you’d make such a casual ‘suggestion’ says enough 😖

MsTSwift · 15/05/2022 21:04

Small kids in bed at 7 is good though - we get to test gcse revision from 7-10 most nights these days. Those early bed times quite a happy memory…

Goldijobsandthe3bears · 15/05/2022 21:07

MsTSwift · 15/05/2022 21:04

Small kids in bed at 7 is good though - we get to test gcse revision from 7-10 most nights these days. Those early bed times quite a happy memory…

That and picking up dropping off to various places 😅

missypissy · 15/05/2022 21:08

@Goldijobsandthe3bears

I think you need to lighten up. it was quite clearly a sarcastic suggestion, therefore actually quite amusing 🤣🤣🤣.

Goldijobsandthe3bears · 15/05/2022 21:13

missypissy · 15/05/2022 21:08

@Goldijobsandthe3bears

I think you need to lighten up. it was quite clearly a sarcastic suggestion, therefore actually quite amusing 🤣🤣🤣.

No, it really wasn’t, I wish it was and I find it interesting that you would just make that assumption without reading her post suggesting it and other posts justifying it, not anywhere does she say she was being jokey/sarcastic.

WizardOfAus · 15/05/2022 21:25

Louise0701 · 14/05/2022 07:30

YABU because this is not everyone’s experiences. I have 3 children and I’ve never felt the way you do. I mean, they cry when they’re upset and they use the toilet (and nappies when they were younger) but no to the rest of it.

YAWN.

missypissy · 15/05/2022 21:33

@Goldijobsandthe3bears

I did read her post and I didn’t take it that seriously. Everyone knows you can’t just drop your kids off at social services because you’re not too keen on changing nappies. Just lighten up a bit.

Youdoyoutoday · 15/05/2022 21:35

Jesus!!

No one forced you to have kids!

PeakyBlinda · 15/05/2022 21:36

It all looks thoroughly miserable. Women put their bodies and health on the line to grow and carry a baby, with no idea what health conditions they or baby will have at the other side. Mothers then do the majority of the grunt work, it's a thankless job. I'm so surprised when people around me talk about their plans for no. 3, 4 etc. Utter madness. People talk about how fulfilling it is. Most parents I see look knackered, fed up, skint and ready to sell their kids on ebay.

Goldijobsandthe3bears · 15/05/2022 21:36

missypissy · 15/05/2022 21:33

@Goldijobsandthe3bears

I did read her post and I didn’t take it that seriously. Everyone knows you can’t just drop your kids off at social services because you’re not too keen on changing nappies. Just lighten up a bit.

Yeah, ok 👍 😌

ldontWanna · 15/05/2022 21:39

PeakyBlinda · 15/05/2022 21:36

It all looks thoroughly miserable. Women put their bodies and health on the line to grow and carry a baby, with no idea what health conditions they or baby will have at the other side. Mothers then do the majority of the grunt work, it's a thankless job. I'm so surprised when people around me talk about their plans for no. 3, 4 etc. Utter madness. People talk about how fulfilling it is. Most parents I see look knackered, fed up, skint and ready to sell their kids on ebay.

Don't be silly, they're home made. They belong on etsy. 😬

PeakyBlinda · 15/05/2022 21:42

Also I think you CAN have a jolly good idea of how you'll find parenting before you take the leap and get pregnant. Bit like how some people know they don't want pets - don't want the mess, responsibility, to pick up poo, deal with training. If you're honest with yourself it's quite easy to identify what are the best choices for you. But people lie to themselves and I've never understood why.

missypissy · 15/05/2022 21:46

@PeakyBlinda

My cousin isn’t having children despite being in a stable marriage with secure finances. Said she likes her own space/company too much, hates mess, noise and generally is a bit of an impatient and selfish person!

Fair enough! Probably best not too 😂. Fair play to her I say, knows what she wants and doesn’t want but has gauged parenthood quite well and has deemed it way above her personal capabilities.

Goldijobsandthe3bears · 15/05/2022 21:48

PeakyBlinda · 15/05/2022 21:42

Also I think you CAN have a jolly good idea of how you'll find parenting before you take the leap and get pregnant. Bit like how some people know they don't want pets - don't want the mess, responsibility, to pick up poo, deal with training. If you're honest with yourself it's quite easy to identify what are the best choices for you. But people lie to themselves and I've never understood why.

What you think is moot if you haven’t experienced it, it’s really not comparable with pets. You don’t know before you’ve had a baby how much help your partner will be, if post natal illness will strike you or what sleep deprivation can actually do to your mind. Given all that I’d always have my kids but shaming people for ‘wasting the time’ or wanting to shoot the shit on an anonymous forum is pointless

mathanxiety · 15/05/2022 21:58

Nobody who hasn't been through it can fully understand what sleep deprivation is like.

Going through it all again the second, third, or even more times, you still experience the shock, regardless of knowing in your rational mind that this happened before and was completely predictable, because sleep deprivation is still a massive challenge to your equilibrium and your ability to function.

Goldenbear · 15/05/2022 22:50

Went through sleep deprivation twice and my second had reflux, I still stand by what I said, you get what you expect in most situations. You expect babies to sleep then you are a bit sheltered IMo

LuckySantangelo35 · 15/05/2022 23:20

Louise0701 · 15/05/2022 19:49

@Louise0701 not me that needs a nap, my kids sleep! 😂
I was clearly referring to the part where you and I both wrote “which part of this is enjoyable” but I guess you’re frazzled after having to spend a full day with your children. Don’t worry, work tomorrow!

@Louise0701

Very bitchy of you there Louise

Feels good does it?

PeakyBlinda · 16/05/2022 06:35

@Goldijobsandthe3bears

Which is why when considering to have a baby/go through with a pregnancy I really don't think women should ask themselves do WE want this baby, it should be do I. Am I prepared to do this (finances/care/everything) all on my own? Because chances are relationships break down or partners turn out to be utterly useless.

Pets was one example but you can apply it to anything. And no I've never experienced sleep deprivation but I do know how I feel after no sleep and that's bad enough. You can have the foresight to know how you'd cope. More women (and men) need to either be strong enough and honest enough and stop being the sheep of society to say actually no its best if I don't parent. Or if they are still that desperate for a baby, fully accept that they are probably going to hate it but the end goal obviously means more to them.

AgnesWestern · 16/05/2022 06:43

I hated it so much that I’m only doing it once and that’s more than enough for me.