Which part of this is enjoyable then, folks?

[Whichpart]

Hey

which part of this is enjoyable? I am sick of hearing ‘enjoy every second’ ‘ they’re only young once’ ‘ don’t wish it away’ etc…

So which part of this am I meant to be enjoying?

the scramming?
the screaming?
the crying/whining?
the constant illnesses from nursery?
the shit?
the piss on the floor 20 seconds after they run away with no nappy?
the going to sleep at ten and waking every hour until they’re back up for the day at 5?
the 4am poo explosion?
the hair pulling?
the fighting with each other over toys?
the battles at bedtime?
the struggle to get them changed as they wriggle around and try to escape?
the fingers up my nose?
the grabbing my nipple as they try and climb me?

whoch part of this is everyone enjoying and looking back wishing they still had it?

AIBU to say that people either didn’t experience this absolute shit show OR their brain has forgotten it so that the species can continue pro creating??

www.google.com/amp/s/www.huffpost.com/entry/dont-carpe-diem_b_1206346/amp

Read this, and save it somewhere. I read it a decade ago when my eldest was tiny and it is so true.

Definitely the latter. And not everyone’s experience, expectations and tolerance levels are the same.

Mine are 12 and 10 and if I’m brutally honest, I have about 2 hours a week where I think “you two are glorious and this is wonderful”.

I learned those who are #soblessed are the ones palming them off on relatives 5 days a week.

oh well… boarding school in my (their) sights now. 🙏

If you opt to see everything as a negative then that's your prerogative. But surely you were fully aware of this when you CHOSE to have a child?

Likewise you've chosen to send to nursery rather than care for your child at home, so you need to accept the implications of that choice.

No nursery = less bugs...

Your preference, yours to suck up.

Fwiw, I love and treasure every moment of being a mother. It's passed to quickly already. Yes there are more arduous moments, but that's life full stop isn't.

My child is the same ist valuable gift I could ever have been bestowed and I will always appreciate this.

You can focus on the negatives. In which case stick at one child so another isn't inflicted with your negative attitude.

You're sending your children to boarding school at the age of 12 and 10?

Are they ok with that?

That post actually said you're sending your children to boarding school at the age of 12 and 10? Are they ok with that?

They’re going when they’re 15 and yes, they are very much ok with that.

I habe a 21 month old and a 3 month old baby. I definitely don't enjoy the every second, but I enjoy the blissful moments in between. When my toddler climbs on my back and wraps his arms around me. When I'm sitting on a bench at the playground with the baby sleeping in the sling, drinking coffee, while my husband plays with our toddler. When my toddler strokes our Baby's head and says "Awwww". When me and my toddler play Lego together. Going to the park together and my toddler running around happily on the grass and me getting fresh air and sunshine (this is so important for your mental wellbeing). My baby smiling and looking cute while sleeping.

These are the moments you should focus on. Xxx

You don’t need to enjoy it all.

I loved the baby stage, the early/mid primary and older teens. Toddler and yr 6 can do one. Just hard work.

But yes looking back it absolutely has gone in a flash. It really speeds up the older they get.

I honestly do enjoy it, but everyone's experience is different. Plus I had years of fertility treatments, so I still feel incredibly lucky that I get to do all this at all. That's not to say your experience isn't what it is, just to offer a different viewpoint and maybe explain why people say the things they do.

12 and 10 is comparatively ancient in boarding school terms

Clearing up poo is not fun for anyone.

This is not my experience of parenting - I mean there are small aspects of this but it’s massively outweighed by all the love and fun.

do you have help/support with a husband or family? Lack of sleep can be pretty brutal on your mood

On the bad days, I’d make a note of how long the tantrums lasted and it helped me a lot! The screaming felt relentless but then I’d time it and realise it was actually only 10/15 minutes of our day. By the end of the day, we’d have maybe an hour or so but it just helped me see the bigger picture and focus on the little good points that I’d lose focus on.

That and wine/gin/cake as soon as they were in bed and I could breathe!

I often wonder to myself when it will start to get enjoyable, and mine are actually older 😞 there are obviously fun times and you have that deep love, but the whining/arguing/naughtiness/stress/mess Is very draining. I think to some extent everyone feels the same but noone talks about it 🤦 (disclaimer - I am a fairly anxious person by nature and think my kids are not easy going kids, so these aspects do affect things)

By the way I had to chuckle when you mentioned running away with no nappy and then peeing on the floor.

This happens at our house regularly. 😂

Very often I have to wrestle my toddler to the changing mat and have to pin him down with one of my legs while I do the changing 😂

For me the first couple of years and the teens were the worst. Health issues at the beginning and dealing with bullying and friendship issues through teens.

I simply cannot identify with women who do this multiple times.

YANBU. I have enjoyed the children more with every passing year! Teenagers are brilliant, in spite of all the angst and school stresses. I do miss the cuddles but not really anything else. Having little ones is really full on.

The pride you have as a parent later in life when you see how amazing they are.

You will one day look back and miss the years when they were young.

You will get through this.

Some of it you get better at engineering out. There's a reason child minders and nannies are good with children- they've learned mad skills!

This is very, very true.

OP, it’s sleep deprivation - and potentially depression arising from this, or another source - that causes the inability to see the beautiful bits as well as the annoying tedious ones.

My husband was very depressed - low-level that ramped up leading to a breakdown, then medicated and in counselling and slowly getting better - for the first few years of our DC’s lives. But I can still remember the feeling I had (& have kept the photographs) when I was at work and he sent me photos of the DC just picking daisies and said “I’m so happy watching them. We’re doing nothing much today but it’s been a lovely day.” There was absolutely nothing remarkable at all about that day for the kids - they were the same amount of hard work and tantrums as usual, he’d had to navigate the same childcare tedium and drudgery to get them out on a walk - it was just that he’d finally managed to appreciate the joy in the moments. Depression had stolen those times before.

If you need help, please don’t suffer in silence. Having children can throw up lots of difficult things, or trigger PND, or put a strain on relationships so the cracks show, or all the above. Get some help if you need it. And sleep - prioritise sleep
at all costs.

I think you get a totally different experience if you get good sleepers.

If you get proper nights of sleep its way easier to sort out the rest and then to just enjoy it, but if you are constantly sleep deprived you are going to be irritated and snappy etc

I have a three year old and a one year old and this isn't my experience at all. I don't enjoy them all day every day but I do enjoy them every day. I'm not saying this to be nasty or to stick the boot in, but more to suggest that if you really are finding life nothing but chores and hardship it might be time to change something.

I found the preschool years hard; physically demanding, relentless and actually quite boring. It really did get better around 4ish. When they started sleeping longer, more reliably; when they stopped needing help with everything; as their personalities grew and their immune systems too. When leaving the house didn’t take half an hour. When you could go out for the day, or on holiday, without all the high hair, pushchair, nappy paraphernalia. When I was actually in profit from going to work

Then school happened and filled their minds with new thoughts and friends, and experiences that DS has always been dying to tell me about. Still now, at nearly 14, he comes in and downloads everything he’s learnt that day. He’s full of history and science and an ability to get a decent tune out of any stringed instrument. His best friend’s mum died when they were 8 and he’s been an incredible friend. How he’s looked after him, defended him, nurtured him in dark times. I’ve been so proud of him. He’s a bit lazy, and rather smelly now, but his heart is in the right place and he still lets me hug him in public. The glimpses of the young man he’s becoming are joyful.

DD is 10, and although the hormones are hitting, which makes her a little challenging, she’s dying for independence. Again, watching her grow and helping her find her own person , teaching her to manage her fiercely competitive nature, see her save goals and take wickets, make her way through school, navigate friendships, argue that night is day (and win!) but still come for help and a hug when she needs it.

These are the moments which make my heart sing.

DD will be moving up schools in September, then my babies really will be gone. DS has 3 years of compulsory schooling left. He’s slipping away now, he really only needs my physical presence for food and lifts. I can’t pick them up and cuddle them anymore. They don’t look cute in the mornings; they don’t get frightened by tiny things, or fall asleep on me. They don’t really need that many cuddles, and yes there are days where they mostly communicate by mumbling and door slamming.

Parenting isn’t easy; particularly for U4s..But it’s worth it, in a strange unquantifiable, unqualitative way, yes it is.

I’d say you’re right in the thick of the time I found hardest. There is hope. A small glimmer, at the end of a long tunnel. I think - just got to get through the teens!

I had 3 under 3 and it was nothing like that ,one has autism and even with that in the mix is wasn’t as you described.
mine didn’t scream ,why would they ..
I bottle fed as didn’t produce milk sadly ,so that made life easy to get in to a routine.
bath at 6 pm ,bottle ,bed ,and I read to them untill they were asleep ,all in same room ..I then had evening to myself ..those on bottle had dream feed about 12 and all slept through.
daytime naps till age 2 and plenty of exercise and fresh air
no nursery or playgroup ,so everyday had a trip to a park ,every day they did craft and learning .
they were busy and active ,I put a dvd on after lunch for the ones to old to nap ,and that was my hour for lunch alone .
for me the key was a routine it gave them security knowing what was happening each day ,even snacks were scheduled in ..
I suppose not everyone can live like that ,but 3 under 3 was like triplets,mine were very late out of nappies so I had over a year of all 3 in nappies ..it was difficult,but a routine got me through.
hope it gets better for you op x

My DS is nearly 9 and an only child. It's very enjoyable. Babies and toddlers aren't enjoyable to me. Older kids are better.