To give my 18 year old a deadline to move out?

[Myturnatlast]

I've been a single mum to her for 10 years and we're incredibly close but DP and I want to move in together so things are going to have to change.
His place is big enough for her to have her own room if she wants to come with me but she's already said she wants to live on her own / with friends.
She's on quite a low wage though and I'm worried about how long it might take for her to find somewhere and don't want to put my happiness and financial well-being on hold indefinitely while she gets sorted.
I'm thinking of giving her a 6 month deadline to find somewhere or come and live with us (she gets on just fine with DP). Would I be unreasonable to do this?

5 months?! OMG I withdraw my previous comments!!
If this is the case I have a completely different opinion & probably best I don’t post it as it will probably be deleted!
Big mistake if this is accurate

www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/4524590-Time-to-lower-expectations-re-my-birthday

Just incase anyone isnt clear how to find it

Oh. Ok that changes my opinion A LOT. No wonder the DD would rather move in with friends over a virtual stranger. Come on OP!

People really need to actually read the post, she's not kicking her out!
Anyway, yes, good plan.

Thank you, just goes to show that omitting minor but important information alters opinion entirely, I would assume it was omitted deliberately as I’d be shocked if she didn’t know that her decision wouldn’t have been supported given how the relationship is barely established.

It changes my opinion too. Maybe the DD would be better off cutting her losses and moving in with friends rather than being swept up in this flaky shitshow.

Well, that update rather changes things. I would not be moving my 18 year old daughter in with a man I've known a few months, regardless of how well (or not) the relationship is going.

This reads to me that you feel your daughter is getting in the way, and an inconvenience to your newly found relationship.

Most 18 year old girls would feel a bit uncomfortable with the choice of moving in with a man they barely know. Living on her own or with friends is the only real choice you have given her.

YANVVU

Seriously what planet are some people living on, I wouldn’t give up my home for a man I’ve only known 5 months let alone jeopardise my children’s home & security. Get a grip OP

That quote concerns me too. I'm a lone parent to a 3 year old and I have no such thing as a great amount of happiness and certainly no financial well-being, but that isn't my child's fault. Therefore, as the mother, I put them first, always.

@Zemw at what point will he not come first? When he’s 25? 30? 60?

No wonder your DD doesn't want to move in - why on earth would you give up all your security, and hers, for a man you've been dating 5 months? And one who didn't even bother to buy you a birthday present when he knows you do birthdays?

That puts you both in a vulnerable situation - one argument and you could both be out.

Why is he not risking his security and coming to live with you? (Although even that is bonkers after 5 months)

In case you don’t know, you can change your vote.

If there's a room for your daughter at your DP's house, and she gets on fine with him, then why would the timing of her getting her own place be dependent on you moving in with DP? Why couldn't she move in with you and DP for the time being and then find her own place when she's able to/has saved enough money/found the right house-share?

Or is the issue that your daughter wouldn't want to live in the same house as your DP? If so, then you really need to be asking yourself why that is. Maybe she actually isn't keen on him, given that she made a big fuss of you on your birthday while he couldn't even be arsed to get you a present or some flowers. When I was 18, I would have been distinctly chilly towards someone who was dating my mum and got her 'a card and a couple of drinks' on her birthday while I, an 18-year-old on a low wage, made the effort.

To me, that’s not a reason why, but an expression of preference. The DD would rather live with friends than with her mother and new boyfriend…….my question is why is that?

I don’t think you’re a monster, but honestly? There’s no way I would prioritise living with any man, especially not a new boyfriend, over my teenager’s well-being. I’d wait until she is settled in her young adult life before I started talking about putting myself first.

I also take back my other comment after reading your previous thread. Expecting your DC to move in with a man you have only been with for 5 months isn't at all reasonable.

Fanny 1
Dd 0

Massively unreasonable and that's putting it extremely mildly!

If she was 28 maybe but not 18. I would always give a teenager the option of a bed at home.

Having read your previous thread, YABVU.

Don't give up your home for this man, and don't force your daughter to live with him either - you barely know him!

5 months?! He’s not your partner. You’re dick struck clearly. No wonder she doesn’t want to move in with some random bloke.

As long as you don’t make it sound like you’re choosing your DP over her

She's 18 and 'on a low wage'... So you didn't bother encouraging her to prepare properly for being kicked out at 18 to make room for your boyfriend?

You're clearly 'that sort' of parent and your daughter will likely never escape the poverty trap you're about to kick her into.

I hope she realises what a shit hand she's been dealt, finds better work and doesn't bother contacting you again.

THIS is the kind of thread that makes me feel I'm out of touch. Not all the threads about cost of living crises, the country/London divide, WOHM/SAHM etc stuff.

This approach to parenthood is so far outside my realm of experience. I honestly don't know whether I'm in the minority or majority. I'm out of touch.