To give my 18 year old a deadline to move out?

[Myturnatlast]

I've been a single mum to her for 10 years and we're incredibly close but DP and I want to move in together so things are going to have to change.
His place is big enough for her to have her own room if she wants to come with me but she's already said she wants to live on her own / with friends.
She's on quite a low wage though and I'm worried about how long it might take for her to find somewhere and don't want to put my happiness and financial well-being on hold indefinitely while she gets sorted.
I'm thinking of giving her a 6 month deadline to find somewhere or come and live with us (she gets on just fine with DP). Would I be unreasonable to do this?

I could never imagine saying this to my child. If she's on a low wage where is the deposit coming from? And the stuff she will need?

So no chance of further education for your daughter, and no better job prospects?

Your thread title is really poorly written OP, I can see why you got so many crappy replies. But I’d word it as ‘me and DP are moving in together in 6 months, of course there’s room for you, but we arnt staying in this house’ and leave it at that. Suggesting she needs to get looking for her own place just looks like you want her out so you can live with DP and her out of your way. She’s very young to tell to ‘move out’ and it’s not a choice I would make, especially for a man, but notifying her that you are moving house and letting her decide the rest for herself is probably the best way to go here.

This is an awful thing to say. Did you think before you typed this?

Shame on you.

Yes you are being unreasonable! You don't kick your child out at 18. What kind of life are you setting them up for?? You don't jist stop parenting at 18 !!

How long have you been with your DP?

Her options are live with your DP or live on her own.

How long you’ve been with DP is a massive factor here and it’s not possible for anyone to decide without knowing.

If you’ve been with DP less than 2 years then YABU.

If you’ve been with him more than 2 years YANBU (unless she actually doesn’t like him much).

And I say this as somone who left home at 18 because I wanted to, and I'll tell you now, I hold it against my parents for allowing it. At 19 you may be classed an adult but you are mentally prepared for the responsibilities. It was detrimental to my life

So no chance of further education for your daughter, and no better job prospects?

Exactly.

I personally would put my child first and wait a couple more years as most people who move out at 18 do not become as successful as those who wait until they’re more financially secure.

She doesn’t want to move in with your bf.

Yes that means you’ll have to keep paying rent on your own which is crap but she can help out too and you can still see him and visit him whenever you want to.

Does she want to go to uni? As then she can live in halls.

@Onwards22 according to this thread she's only been seeing him about 5 months now! 😬And on her birthday last month he didn't even buy her a small gift, "just a card and a couple of drinks" (although he's "usually very generous")
www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/4524590-Time-to-lower-expectations-re-my-birthday

👏👏

I 100% agree with Cosmos, shame on the OP.

I agree the OP is a pretty shit parent to even consider forcing her DD to move out at 18. The OP has only known the partner for 5 months FFS.

Did you read her actual post though? The title is misleading, but she isn’t planning to do this at all. Plenty of room for her DD, DD doesn’t want to come. Still happy for DD to come anyway, but wants to get on with it either way

Didn't anyone read the post, the Daughter said she wants to live on her own or with friends, nobody is kicking her out. She has made a choice and a deadline needs to be set. We are talking about an adult here not a child.

I know what you mean. I can understand all sorts of choices, and can see how, in different circumstances I may have chosen to parent very differently to how I do at the moment, but I can't imagine ever being in a position where I appear so dismissive of my child's well-being. Maybe it's the way it's worded, but the Op believes she isn't kicking her daughter out but in reality it's either move or live with a man you barely know.

@BattenburgDonkey I did indeed read the post and stand by my post. Parenting doesn’t stop when a child turns 18. No wonder the DD doesn’t want to move in with a man she barely knows. She’s got more sense than the OP!

I read the post and leave or move in with a bloke I’ve known 5 minutes isn’t a great choice. And 18 may be legally an adult but is still a young person, needing guidance, there’s something wrong with you if you don’t realise that.

How far are you moving OP? If you’re not going far then there’s no prob with her moving with you. If it’s a long way away then I think you really need to consider the impact of you moving far away from where she’s been brought up. Both my parents did this to me (separately) and it’s shit.

I didn’t say it did, but she’s also clearly not forcing her to move out which is what you said. I said in my reply to the OP it’s not something I’d do either, but shes not kicking anyone out, despite her poorly worded (or deliberately provoking) title.

"I want to give my dd a deadline to bugger because I want to shack up with my boyfriend" yabvvu that's so mean

You are not unreasonable. You are offering her a choice to move house with you or move on her own.
People who cannot read properly and are moaning of your shocking cruelty are unreasonable.

The DD hasn't said she wants to move out or live with friends. She's said she'd rather do that than live with the man the OP has known for 5 months.

Those two things are not the same.

Are you renting atm?
I'd give notice and tell her and say if she hasn't sorted her own place out by then she can move with you and if her and friends sort something before all well and good
Either way she won't be on the streets will she?