To give my 18 year old a deadline to move out?

[Myturnatlast]

I've been a single mum to her for 10 years and we're incredibly close but DP and I want to move in together so things are going to have to change.
His place is big enough for her to have her own room if she wants to come with me but she's already said she wants to live on her own / with friends.
She's on quite a low wage though and I'm worried about how long it might take for her to find somewhere and don't want to put my happiness and financial well-being on hold indefinitely while she gets sorted.
I'm thinking of giving her a 6 month deadline to find somewhere or come and live with us (she gets on just fine with DP). Would I be unreasonable to do this?

Yes.

Your hardly kicking her out. Just putting a timeline on when you move in with your DP. And as you say, that can include her if she feels not ready.

You’re

I have an 18 year old and wouldn't even dream of this.

Are you for real saying this?:

"...and don't want to put my happiness and financial well-being on hold indefinitely while she gets sorted"

I think you're being very reasonable. It's not like you're kicking her out and making her homeless.

Your title and your post aren't the same thing.

Surely you tell her that DP has invited the 2 of you to move in with him on X date and you're excited. If she then decides that actually she'll get her own apartment and doesn't want to move with you 2, she's made that decision. Telling her she HAS to move out by X date would damage your relationship so much, I wouldn't forgive my parent for that.

Why the fuck would you do this? if there is space for her, then make the space. If she comes over with you, she can chip in

my DS is 16, I can't ever imagine giving him an ultimatum. Sure my OH might be more minded, but he's mega family-orientated and he gets on better with my DS than he does his own tbh

I wouldn’t phrase it like that - sounds like an ultimatum. Better to say you’ll be moving in with DP in 6 months, that you’d would love her to come with you - but also that you totally understand if she wants to move in with friends. And add that there’ll always be a room for her in your home.

I think that’s mean. 18 is an adult yes, but still so young. House her for a few more years and move in with your partner when she’s a bit older.

Glad it's not just me!

Erm, she isn't kicking her child out. She is moving house. 18yo can either come with or go her own way.

Can't you just ask her to move with you until she's ready to move out? Rather than give a deadline she's old enough to understand your reasons for moving in with DP, could they move in with you and DD instead?

Six months is a very short amount of time for someone who's literally just become an adult and is on a low wage. I'd suggest a couple of years, she needs to save up a deposit, plus rents are rising right now. Unless you could give her the deposit?

I think you're being selfish, tbh. You're in a LTR and you're planning to be together for the foreseeable future, so you don't need to rush. Give your DD a chance to get herself sorted out, she's so young.

If you were moving in with DP and there was no room for her then I’d think YABU. But there’s room for her so just give her the date in 6 months when you’ll be moving + if she’s not sorted by then she can come with you.

Every sentence or half sentence contradicts the prior one.

You're incredibly close but she's 18 and you've done enough.

Are you for real saying this?:

"...and don't want to put my happiness and financial well-being on hold indefinitely while she gets sorted"

Exactly.

He's got space, there's a room, so why is it an issue if she's unsure of what she's going to do? It is a really unsettling display of shoving out of the nest.

How far away is the DP from your home? Is the distance the problem ?

Couldn't do this to my 19 yr old. He comes first.

Just tell her you’re moving on x day & if she hasn’t found anywhere she’s happy with she’s coming with you, it’s not unreasonable it’s reality, it wouldn’t be any different if you were just moving to a different home irrespective of who it’s with, her options are the same

Isn’t this exactly what the OP is proposing to do?

SSo what you actually mean is 6 months for her to decide whether she wants to move with you & your DP or move out on her own? Because it's not clear from the title.

Personally I'd give an 18 year old, especially one on a low wage, a bit longer.

It does sound a bit "right, you're 18, I've done my bit - sod off" even if you don't mean it that way. My dc would be really hurt and surprised.

I would wait a few years, personally. You have the rest of your lives together. Very few kids are "sorted" at 18 now, most of them still need the bedrock of home and Mum for a while longer. I know you say she can come with you, but it doesn't sound as though you really want her to, and she may not want to move in with your new bloke either - she hasn't chosen him. I'd wait.

I meant give her an exact date rather than just saying 6 months, if there’s a deadline rather than an approx timeframe then if she really does want to live elsewhere she’s more likely to do it

Perish the thought that your happiness and financial well-being could be put on hold for your 18 year old daughter.

I don't think you are as close as you think you are.

18 is an adult, you don’t get all the privileges but no responsibility. It’s not like she’s making her homeless she’s just moving house. What if she waited 2 years and nothing changes does she still have to stay for her daughter? I don’t think so

This!