MIL and husband laughing at my weight

[LilacRose30]

For a bit of background - before I had children I was a size 10. After children, I’m a size 14 and I have my wobbly bits and my main exercise is walking, where I do around 15k steps a day. My MIL has known me since I was a size 10, and my husband married me when I was skinny.

My husband never says anything about my weight and sex life is fine. However, when he’s around his mum he seems to think it’s fine to have a giggle when she makes comments directed at me. A few weeks ago, my husband mentioned MILs scales were broken and MiL said “obviously something heavier than 12 stone has been bouncing on them” and I saw her side eye me. Husband giggled but I said nothing. Tonight, my dog was behind the couch and I bent down to get him and I heard her say to him “you don’t get many of those to the pound” and another comment I couldn’t hear. I walked out and said to my husband that I feel hurt that he could ridicule my weight. His response - “you’re being childish. It was a joke.” I walked off upstairs and he said “come on, you’re being silly. It was a fucking joke”. For me, it’s not. He knows I had nearly suffered with an eating disorder when I was younger (we were together - I was so scared about getting fat).

I just feel hurt that he thinks it’s OK to make these jests at me and that it’s me being ridiculous. He didn’t stand up for me at all and I think the fact that he laughed made me wonder what he actually thinks of me.

to be honest, I’m just really upset that he just laughed. If someone said that my husband was fat or skinny or whatever, I would stand up for him.

Am I being dramatic? I’m not a confrontational person so feel like I couldn’t say anything to my MIL, especially as she’s staying with us for a while.

sorry for the rant, but crying and wanting to vent.

I’d do it back to her but then I’m ridiculously petty. Comment on her age or something and then tinkly laugh of “it’s just a joke, don’t be so dramatic”

That's horrendous!! I can't believe they would treat you that way!!

Your mother in law is a bitch and your husbands a spineless wimp falling over himself to please her. She needs to know that just because she has a skin like a rhino hide doesn't mean that you do

He's a really vile man, let alone husband & looks like he was raised to be.
I couldn't have any respect for him.

It is plain cruel of them op. It's one thing yiur mil doing this but your Dh to laugh at her jokes too? I'd be furious! You need to have some stern words with your dh. He also needs to have a word with his mother. It's cruel.

I get it to some extent. Mil always makes comments or digs about my weight but dusky when my Dp is out of ear shot and he doesn't hear. Quite a while ago but she told me that I needed to lose weight as most of the people dying of covid are young overweight females like myself 🤦‍♀️ I'm not even that big and even if I was it would still be inappropriate and ironically she's not skinny herself!

I'm not the confrontational type either. So I know what it's like. It really lowers self esteem too.

I really hope you're okay op. You've had children and a size 14 really isn't that bad. Many of us never go back to our pre pregnancy size 💕 you'd think your twat of a mil would know that having kids herself!

You are perfect as you are!

Sorry OP. You’re perfect just the way you are! Sod them, CFs!

Throw it right back at them. They’re bullies and don’t deserve your respect or tolerance.

‘You’re no Slimcea girl yourself.’
’Fancy going to Zumba tonight? You look like you could do with the exercise’
’Christ, have you been sitting too close to the fire? Your arse looks like it’s melted.’

And for him:

(To MIL, ‘He’s quite petite is the bedroom department. Is that a family trait?’ Do you think our DCs will grow up like him or will they be a bit more competent?’)

These are a bit facetious but you get the drift. They are treating you badly because it’s easy. Fight fire with fire. They are going for your weak spot - go for theirs. They’ll back off when they realise you can’t be bullied anymore.

@ShandaLear “have you been sitting too close to the fire? Your arse looks like it melted” just made me laugh out loud 😂

you are NBU to be upset, but you are BU to not say anything. The next time she says something, fight back. Be you SIL who, as you say, does not put up with this BS. Tell your DH one more strike and she is no longer welcome in your home.

I would say "I am trying to raise my children to be kind and respectful adults, because that's what a good parent does. Anyone who deliberately behaves in a mean and disrespectful way will eventually find themselves with very reduced contact with my children, because I don't want that sort of a role model for them. Keep that in mind MIL."

My go to phrase on weight gain is that as we get older we have to choose between our face and our a55 and I've chosen my face as I don't greet people with my a55. I was a size 6 when I got married and I'm now a 12/14, but toned and fit as I'm at the gym 5 days a week. My comment to mil would be that everyone's face needs a bit of fat as they get older because wrinkles. OP, don't be afraid to say that you are offended by the weight related comments and don't find them funny at all.

She's a nasty cow, and your DH should be having your back and telling her to pack it in, not giggling with her.
It might be a "joke" but it's not fucking funny, is it?!
It ceases being a joke the moment you know the other person is upset, which your DH does.
Does your MIL? She needs to be pulled up on it.
Ohm and she's started commenting about weight to your 6 year old and making her self conscious?!
WTF, I'm sorry but I never say this lightly but I wouldn't be having her around her if she does that as she's going to give her weight issues/emotional worries!
Nope.
Fuck that

OP, you now need to assert yourself and draw those boundaries. When nasty bitch makes a comment about you again in any negative form, pull her up on it. Ask her if she would welcome house guests who are so fucking rude or would she send them on their way? When she invariably says it is a joke tell her it’s only a joke when everyone is laughing, as you aren’t it’s not fucking funny. I’d be dropping the F bomb too to show you have no respect for her.

As for your ‘D’H I would be having a serious conversation about what is acceptable and what isn’t. You need to advocate for yourself with these two arseholes and they need to know they stop with this shit or the consequences will be massive.

These two are bullies, I think you could do better.

This is horrible OP. I'm so sorry. I wouldn't be able to be anywhere near somebody sexually again after them ridiculing me like that and refusing to stand up for me in public. Especially as you said you previously had an eating disorder and he knows this. I would leave.

Be prepared for next time it happens. You can practice in front of a mirror. Get the voice tone right - deep, measured and authoritative.

"You are both a pair of nasty bullies. I will not tolerate that. (To MIL, looking at her): You can leave my house until you can learn to speak to me with respect. (To DH) And you can join her, if you do not stop enabling and supporting her every time this happens".

And mean it. 💪

She's so rude and he's an arse.

I'd be telling her that she either shuts up with her comments or she is out the house! And your dh can go with her if he isn't happy.

Tell them to grow up.

Husband came upstairs and told me I’m “too emotional” and it was a joke. Honest to god I’m so angry. He won’t apologise as he doesn’t think His mum meant it badly. I’m so upset and told him I don’t want him near me if he can’t man up and apologise. How can he do this to me? I don’t think he realises this is literally breaking me because he thinks I’m at fault and his mum is so innocent.

He actually said to you "you are being silly it was a fucking joke"?

Bastard.

What a horrible way to talk to you when you have told him you are upset.

Time to get fiesty! Stop letting them walk all over you. Your children shouldn't have to stand up for you FFS. You should be standing up for yourself. Kick the horrible old witch out and if your husband doesn't apologise, he can go with her.

OP, don’t be upset; get angry. Find your anger. You do not deserve to be treated like this by Bitch and Limpdick and you’re wholly right to be angered and upset. If they want hell, bring it to them.

I bet you’re seeing him in a different light now, stupid idiot doesn’t realise he is damaging his marriage.

How about, 'your son tells me this is what passes for a joke in your family. It doesn't in this household. If you two want to 'enjoy' such 'jokes' why don't you do so elsewhere. Just the two of you, not involving me, not involving our children, who are finding your 'jokes' at their mothers' expense, distressing.'

I’d honestly pack him a bag and send him off to his mothers for a few days/forever.

whatever your size and whatever the reasons you are that size, it’s fucking disgraceful your husband doesn’t have your back. I’d probably leave the bastard if he were mine.

Treat them like bullying children; don’t make petty, snide comments, be authoritative, calm and firm. “It’s disrespectful to talk about me like that in my house. You need to stop.” If they claim it’s a joke, repeat yourself: “Your behaviour is unacceptable. It needs to stop.”

Get angry and assert your boundaries! How dare she talk about you like that in your home?

This is bullying and absolutely disgusting. I would seriously divorce him over this - how fucking DARE he allow that to be said about you, let alone in earshot and then to laugh along. What an absolute shit. Seriously, get angry about this and dont let him gaslight you into letting it go - ever!!!