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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

MIL and husband laughing at my weight

235 replies

LilacRose30 · 11/05/2022 19:37

For a bit of background - before I had children I was a size 10. After children, I’m a size 14 and I have my wobbly bits and my main exercise is walking, where I do around 15k steps a day. My MIL has known me since I was a size 10, and my husband married me when I was skinny.

My husband never says anything about my weight and sex life is fine. However, when he’s around his mum he seems to think it’s fine to have a giggle when she makes comments directed at me. A few weeks ago, my husband mentioned MILs scales were broken and MiL said “obviously something heavier than 12 stone has been bouncing on them” and I saw her side eye me. Husband giggled but I said nothing. Tonight, my dog was behind the couch and I bent down to get him and I heard her say to him “you don’t get many of those to the pound” and another comment I couldn’t hear. I walked out and said to my husband that I feel hurt that he could ridicule my weight. His response - “you’re being childish. It was a joke.” I walked off upstairs and he said “come on, you’re being silly. It was a fucking joke”. For me, it’s not. He knows I had nearly suffered with an eating disorder when I was younger (we were together - I was so scared about getting fat).

I just feel hurt that he thinks it’s OK to make these jests at me and that it’s me being ridiculous. He didn’t stand up for me at all and I think the fact that he laughed made me wonder what he actually thinks of me.

to be honest, I’m just really upset that he just laughed. If someone said that my husband was fat or skinny or whatever, I would stand up for him.

Am I being dramatic? I’m not a confrontational person so feel like I couldn’t say anything to my MIL, especially as she’s staying with us for a while.

sorry for the rant, but crying and wanting to vent.

OP posts:
Topseyt123 · 13/05/2022 22:21

If my MIL had ever sat and insulted me in any such manner in MY own home she would soon have been shown the door.

violuhts · 14/05/2022 22:02

honestly? i wouldn't want her around for a while- and i would let him know that. and whenever he came around for "sexy time" i'd tell him "isn't my weight a joke to you now" and blow him off, that's so disrespectful.

violuhts · 14/05/2022 22:03

and tell him those bits they make fun of are what gave him a DC and her a DGC. pair of cows.

Notanotherwindow · 14/05/2022 22:11

I wouldn't be seeing her tomorrow. In fact, I wouldn't be seeing her again, full stop; like fuck would I put up with being bullied in my own bloody house! And neither would my kids be seeing her again! I wouldn't want that kind of nastiness in anyone who was a role model to my children so until she grew up and apologised, she wouldn't be seeing them.

DH could fuck off too, if he wouldn't apologise he'd be sleeping on the sofa for the foreseeable.

Fromthebirdsnest · 14/05/2022 23:44

Thats absolutely awful op... I have a stomach condition that makes me very slight due to not being able to eat a lot . A mum on the school run told me I looked anorexic I was so offended but didn't really know what to say I was so shocked, I only know her in passing ... I don't know why people think its ok to comment on other peoples aperence its rude !

Fraaahnces · 15/05/2022 08:03

@Fromthebirdsnest - You need to tell that nosy mother that it’s not okay to make comments like that! Let her know that you were too shocked and offended to return her comment, and that you don’t owe any explanations to anyone.

Gizacluethen · 15/05/2022 08:13

I really struggle with knowing what to say to defend myself. So now I just look at them with my best confused and disgusted face and just say "what a horrible thing to say" or I just keep doing what I'm doing and shout over "you're not being very nice." I think telling them straight up that they're not being nice is the quickest way to shut it down not "I'm upset" then it's about me, "you're being nasty" because it's about you. Also really simplifies it for kids, they hear something then immediately get told indirectly that it's a nasty thing to say. I also do the same with all the racist/homophobic comments.

Fraaahnces · 15/05/2022 08:47

@Gizacluethen - I do similar with MIL’s inappropriate comments.

SlatsandFlaps · 16/05/2022 20:04

@LilacRose30 Any update OP? Did you have a chat with your DH?

Johnnypiratesfriend · 16/05/2022 21:38

I save a special look for when people make jokes like that. I look obvious disgusted and eye them up and down. Then I take the high road and work off. Then know they are in the wrong and I find it stops people.

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