MIL and husband laughing at my weight

[LilacRose30]

For a bit of background - before I had children I was a size 10. After children, I’m a size 14 and I have my wobbly bits and my main exercise is walking, where I do around 15k steps a day. My MIL has known me since I was a size 10, and my husband married me when I was skinny.

My husband never says anything about my weight and sex life is fine. However, when he’s around his mum he seems to think it’s fine to have a giggle when she makes comments directed at me. A few weeks ago, my husband mentioned MILs scales were broken and MiL said “obviously something heavier than 12 stone has been bouncing on them” and I saw her side eye me. Husband giggled but I said nothing. Tonight, my dog was behind the couch and I bent down to get him and I heard her say to him “you don’t get many of those to the pound” and another comment I couldn’t hear. I walked out and said to my husband that I feel hurt that he could ridicule my weight. His response - “you’re being childish. It was a joke.” I walked off upstairs and he said “come on, you’re being silly. It was a fucking joke”. For me, it’s not. He knows I had nearly suffered with an eating disorder when I was younger (we were together - I was so scared about getting fat).

I just feel hurt that he thinks it’s OK to make these jests at me and that it’s me being ridiculous. He didn’t stand up for me at all and I think the fact that he laughed made me wonder what he actually thinks of me.

to be honest, I’m just really upset that he just laughed. If someone said that my husband was fat or skinny or whatever, I would stand up for him.

Am I being dramatic? I’m not a confrontational person so feel like I couldn’t say anything to my MIL, especially as she’s staying with us for a while.

sorry for the rant, but crying and wanting to vent.

It's fat shaming, and it's definitely not OK.

Oh and I have a firm rule about anything negative about weight being said in front of my DC. Any time something negative is said about anybody's weight or body I pull them up on it straight away.

Jesus that's awful.

The more childish side of me would have an absolute field day with your MIL and mercilessly rip the piss out of her at rhw next opportunity. I'm sure you're not so childish though, op.

Then divorce your DH.

What horrible pair.

The next time she says something say "well I would rather be fat than an ugly old crow" abs when she is shocked say what, it's just a joke.

To be honest I would probably make a really personal joke about something that she is insecure about, big nose, crooked teeth, age, grey hair. There is bound to be something but that might be overly nasty.

Bite back, hard. My MIL made a nasty comment about my backside and I replied "You can only keep a lovely face or a small arse as you age MIL, I choose my face and stay sat down, I'd hate to be thin and gaunt and haggard" and smirked. She left me alone after that.

That's all you need - to feel happy about your body

Please - next time one of them does this say

"yes luckily for me I could lose or gain weight if I want to and still be a nice person "

" you however will always be very unkind with an ugly mouth"

They are a nasty pair of bullies. Your going to have to ensure you put a stop to it or your DC will be affected by it too. Your DH is a big problem here....

They're both nasty, childish cunts.

I would just say, simply, "What a horrible thing to say about someone you're supposed to care for."

And if he or she says they were joking, reply, "It wasn't meant to be funny; it was meant to be hurtful."

I would also have a long talk with my husband about eating disorders, respect, and having my back.

Really not okay.

Some good suggestions. In my fantasy world future conversations would go like this:

You: woof woof
Mil: ???
You: I'm speaking in a language you understand.

Give her a scarf at Christmas
You: I bought it to hide your wrinkly neck, you sour old bag.

In all serious though, that's really not on. Call her out on it. @Nancydrawn has some good lines.

Your MIL’s a nasty piece of baggage, intent on causing trouble. Avoid her as much as possible and educate your husband quick smart. Completely unacceptable.

I would say to your DH. “If your MIL disrespects me like that again she won’t be welcome in our house, if you disrespect me like that again we’ll be getting a divorce.” She’s a bully and he’s encouraging it. Absolutely disgusting behaviour. Not at all what I would expect from grown adults.

Making a joke at another’s expense is straight up bullying. There’s nothing funny about it.

sex life is fine

I wouldn’t be having sex with anyone who laughed at my weight.

You say you don't want confrontation but please rethink this. She's a bully, and he's useless twat whose balls are tied to his mother's apron strings. Confrontation is needed.

'One more snide comment about my weight and you can leave this house'. Say it sternly and coldly.

And don't have sex with that man.

They're both twats. I'd be so upset. Complete lack of respect for you.

The "it's only a joke" bullshit makes me rage. Tell him to pack it the hell in.

My MIL could be extremely rude. She once started on me about my hair. I just looked her in the eye and said calmly “my hair is not up for discussion”. She replied in a slightly childish voice, “why not?” I just repeated what I’d said. She did learn from that and I felt I had the moral high ground as I hadn’t stooped to her level.

And this. Agree with this.

Just treat her like you would anyone else being outrageously rude in your home in frying of your family.

The best response would be to calmly say “that was rude and uncalled for please don’t say anything like that about me or to me again”

if you get “it’s just a joke”, say “No. It’s not funny and it’s rude and hurtful”.

if she continues explain that she will have to leave if she needs to make those kinds of jokes.

and mean it.

God, even my 6yo knows that it's only a joke if everyone is laughing.

If the person the joke is about doesn't find it funny, then it's just plain nasty.

“Fuck off out of my house you nasty old cunt and take your limp-dicked son with you”.

I feel really angry on your behalf @LilacRose30, it’s completely unacceptable behaviour from her and your DH fucking pathetic. He should be leaping down her throat and showing her the door. How well do you get on with your SIL? If she’s the daughter perhaps she’s had to develop a hard exterior or if she’s another DiL I wonder if she’s had the same? This isn’t a joke, it’s designed to sound and diminish you. I agree with @user75, if you can please bite back hard, give her a fright and shut it down. I have a feeling anything milder won’t do the job as well. I feel like paying her a visit myself!

She sounds vile and actually quite nasty and jealous of you. I would say to her calmly and firmly if you are in my house then can you refrain from your nasty comments or you can leave and every time call her out on it as that is shocking and tell your husband he better change his ways or he will be shown the door also. Size 14 is not that big and I was a size 10 and also went up and down in weight and people always made comments and to be honest I felt great in myself and shocked that people would be so cruel. I don't have dairy or gluten for health reasons and the weight has stayed off but now in peri meno and have a little wobbly tummy am very conscious of. Bet you look lovely and she is jealous and trying to turn her son against you. He needs to grow a pair and tell her to just shut the hell up and have your back.

*wound not sound 🙄

She sounds like an insecure cow projecting her issues on to you. And your husband sounds like her lapdog. I'd walk out of any room she's in, don't engage in any conversation. In private tell your husband exactly how you feel and make it clear that this is the last time you will tolerate it and any repeat she needs to pack her bags.