MIL and husband laughing at my weight

[LilacRose30]

For a bit of background - before I had children I was a size 10. After children, I’m a size 14 and I have my wobbly bits and my main exercise is walking, where I do around 15k steps a day. My MIL has known me since I was a size 10, and my husband married me when I was skinny.

My husband never says anything about my weight and sex life is fine. However, when he’s around his mum he seems to think it’s fine to have a giggle when she makes comments directed at me. A few weeks ago, my husband mentioned MILs scales were broken and MiL said “obviously something heavier than 12 stone has been bouncing on them” and I saw her side eye me. Husband giggled but I said nothing. Tonight, my dog was behind the couch and I bent down to get him and I heard her say to him “you don’t get many of those to the pound” and another comment I couldn’t hear. I walked out and said to my husband that I feel hurt that he could ridicule my weight. His response - “you’re being childish. It was a joke.” I walked off upstairs and he said “come on, you’re being silly. It was a fucking joke”. For me, it’s not. He knows I had nearly suffered with an eating disorder when I was younger (we were together - I was so scared about getting fat).

I just feel hurt that he thinks it’s OK to make these jests at me and that it’s me being ridiculous. He didn’t stand up for me at all and I think the fact that he laughed made me wonder what he actually thinks of me.

to be honest, I’m just really upset that he just laughed. If someone said that my husband was fat or skinny or whatever, I would stand up for him.

Am I being dramatic? I’m not a confrontational person so feel like I couldn’t say anything to my MIL, especially as she’s staying with us for a while.

sorry for the rant, but crying and wanting to vent.

Get revenge. Might make you feel better.

Hide her glasses. Spit in her tea. Put Veet in her conditioner.

Childish, but so is she. Play at her level.

She’s a cunt.

She'd be my Ex-MIL after that

@anywhichwaytoo sorry if I've misread your intention but you seem to be suggesting that a size 14 is somewhat huge. It's actually the most common size in the UK. Also if OP is tall-ish (5ft 5 or over) it's actually perfectly within a healthy BMI, from my own experience. I'm 5ft 5, size 14 and BMI of 24..

On another note next time I'd simply respond with a derogatory comment to both of them i.e. your penis is above average size... For fishing! Ha. And you know I've never seen so many crows feet on one face. And when they look shocked simply reply with a 'oh I just assumed we were saying horrible things about each other' and walk off

Nasty fuckers the pair of them.

“It’s not a joke, it’s just rude”.

It’s only a joke or it’s only banter are what bullies say. You need to say directly to her it doesn’t matter what she says to defend it, her comments are rude and unworthy of a guest in your house and you don’t want to hear them again. Decide you don’t have to put up with this shit. If your weak husband objects, then tell him his mother needs to behave like a guest not a bullying twat. Show him you’re angry.

I started saying I am not laughing. Or. Its only a joke when both parties laughs. My friend said Do you see me laughing once when she was told it was just a joke. Its hard to deal with op yanbu

My mil makes jokes I don't approve of and my husband laughs at them. I think he laughs before even thinking them through- just because he knows she's trying to joke and expects him to laugh.
It's very, very annoying but I mostly blame her for it and I know he's just trying to please her...
Setting boundaries is important. I make it clear I don't like the joke with a quick comment like 'we don't joke about that', 'that's not very nice'. You can say it with a smile to not appear confrontational. But you must not keep quiet. Especially, if she's in your house, eating the food you cook etc.

'D'H would be being told that either he and MIL k ock ot off with immediate effect or MIL moves out effectively 5 minutes after the next comment. No argument. No way I'd be putting up with this - and for kids to hear it too. No just no.

Jesus. No it isn’t OK, what a couple of playground twats.

But I think what you do have to do is own how you feel about this. Speak to your MIL when your husband isn’t around and say you don’t want her making negative comments about your weight or comments about weight in general, esp in front of the kids. Tell her you are happy with your weight, and you think that women and indeed people in general should not be judged on what they look like, but who they are and what they do. Tell her this is important to you and if she can’t respect it, it’s going to damage your relationship.

Then say the same to your husband, underlining the bit about your daughter, and also that you do not expect him to laugh about you with his mother.

I know you are probably thinking oh I can’t possibly do that, but if you don’t - it won’t stop. If you only talk to them when you are upset you come across to them as weak and a victim, which because they are indulging in bullying as a bonding activity is what they want (subconsciously or not).

If you hear them doing anything like this again, ca them out - every. single. time. Don’t personalise it by saying you are upset (that’s what they want), say that when you are around, you don’t want to hear people being judged for their looks. It’s good for your kids to hear it.

Much better for you and the kids if you are strong and stand up for yourself - just fake it till you do.

I’d be reminding oh that I can easily lose 12 stone (or whatever he weighs) by getting a divorce.

If he gets offended just tell him it was a ‘joke’.

My uncle once told me i was plump and that i needed to take up running again. I was likeva goldfish when my dd age 11 ish at the time said "well, your eyelids are falling away from your eyes". He was so shocked. Made me laugh!

What does your Dh say when she makes comments about your dd?

They both sound like twats.

I like Rowanalong's suggestion
“It’s not a joke, it’s just rude”.

Please remember standing up for yourself, just like you did for your DD isn't 'confrontation'. Confronting someone is getting right in their face and shouting - well that's my understanding. Think of a few pithy comebacks, rehearse them and when the next comment comes out of her mouth, say it calmy and quietly "You know saying things like is really unwarranted and just plain rude, so just stop it right now". If she comes back with 'it's just a joke', reply with "Well I'm not laughing" and keep eye contact.

Don't wait for your DH to step in - clearly that's not going to happen, stand up for yourself - calmly and quietly.

Make a 'joke' about them being a pair of cunts and see if they think it's funny.

I'd be absolutely livid. In your situation, I'd:
Tell your DH that as he obviously finds your weight a problem, and you now do too, he won't be getting any bedroom action until you're feeling more confident about your body. So he needs to do whatever it takes to enable that - supportive comments, shutting his nasty mother down, making sure you have time & money to make healthy meals & increase your exercise if that's something you want to do.
Point out that your DD is already picking up on this attitude. At her age she shouldn't even be aware of such things. That's their fault. They should feel ashamed.
Point out that ED isn't something that you can be "cured" from. It's more like an addiction. What they are doing is akin to taunting an alcoholic by waving a drink under your nose. Horrible.
Point out that your DS apparently has more empathy than the pair of them together.
Also point out that any weight gained was the product of growing his children/her grandchildren. Which they should be damned grateful for. Spiteful pair of bastards.

Because some people are? I'm 5ft 10 and a size 14 is fine for me
Currently a size 16 and I do 30-60 mins spin class 6 days a week. But I'm also on meds that cause weight gain and have a knackered thyroid

I would tell her directly.

You: I don't appreciate you making comments about my weight. I find them hurtful.

MIL: it's just a joke.

You: I don't find it funny.

Pull her up every time. Don't let any slip by.

If she continues I would be reassessing the living/ visiting arrangements.

She would be out of the house.
your dil along with her if he didn’t stop.
it’s not ok.
your dh should have your back, not making jokes.

Dh*

Oh and if you do decide to make any dietary changes, it would be salad every day for them too. Because presumably they want to be supportive, right?

She sounds like she has her own insecurities and takes it out on you, dh sounds like a mummys boy and he knows it's wrong that's why he becomes angry with you. Good for your sil. You need to protect your dd from mil she's dripping a whole load of future poison in your dd's ear.

This isn't okay. "Joking" about someone's weight is cruel and totally unnecessary. I don't think anyone should comment on someone's weight even if it's meant in a light-hearted way. I'd be furious with DH if he laughed along with jokes like that and didn't tell his mum to stop.

I am the same as you (was a size 10 before kids, now a size 12/14) and the insecurities I have from that really effect me some days. It would be horrible to have someone make jibes at my weight. My DH had a (unrecognised) binge eating disorder for years and my MIL would often comment about his weight even though he wasn't particularly overweight, just heavier than she thought he should be! Even now she will occasionally say something which annoys me but I'm not so shy about saying it's inappropriate. I can only imagine that she thinks I've "let myself go"

Oh she’s vile, and he’s a pathetic baby for going along with it.

it’s absolutely not a joke and it would really worry me that your little girl will pick up on her negativity.

I’m overweight myself and once heard my husbands auntie say to my daughter (who’s always been petite) ‘you’re lucky you’re not like your mum’. My daughter was about 8 at the time, and thought I was the bees knees (this didn’t last, obviously) and she just replied ‘yes I am!’ Because we do actually have loads in common despite me having a big arse. I’ve put never forgotten, and it still upsets me to think about it.

I never say LTB, but he certainly needs to grow up a lot, and she deserves every wrinkle to be commented on. I know you won’t do that, but perhaps you can encourage your daughter to draw her like an ugly witch at Halloween

Pair of nasty bullying twats.

I would absolutely see my arse over that tbh.

Meant to add dh probably backs his dm up and laughs as he's scared she'll turn on him. If you're on side with the bully you're less likely to be picked on.