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AIBU?

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Original poster

MIL didn't accept Mother's Day gift

258 replies

Gina97 · 09/05/2022 21:02

So I got my MIL a $25 Starbucks gift card for Mother's Day. We have a newborn so I wanted to get her something easy. She came by yesterday and when I went to give her the gift she told me and my husband that she didn't like Starbucks and didn't take the gift. I didn't make a big deal of it but am I right in thinking that this is insanely rude?

OP posts:
MrsDrudge · 09/05/2022 21:03

I agree it was really rude!
I wouldn’t bother next year.

RampantIvy · 09/05/2022 21:03

Yes, she was very rude. At least you will know what to get her next year - nothing.

MarJau26 · 09/05/2022 21:04

I wouldn't have bought something so specific. If she took it without never having to use it, that would have been a waste. Did you know if she would even like something like that?

OwlinaTree · 09/05/2022 21:04

It's a bit unusual. Is she normally appropriately appreciative of gifts?

HTH1 · 09/05/2022 21:04

Saves you a job for next year and you get the coffee. Sounds like a win win situation!

TheThreeHeadedBeast · 09/05/2022 21:05

Rude, but could you have got anything more thoughtless...
Something that could only be used in one shop and no choice at all

ThePoetsWife · 09/05/2022 21:06

Why are you buying gifts when it's DHs mum? He needs to sort out presents for his family.

Whooshaagh · 09/05/2022 21:06

It’s very rude.
My mil did this to us years ago, we never bought her a card or gift for Mother’s Day again.

Aquamarine1029 · 09/05/2022 21:07

Why did you get your MIL a mother's day gift? Why didn't your husband take care of this?

YouWhatLove · 09/05/2022 21:07

Why on earth are you buying Mother’s Day gifts for your MIL? Your husband should be doing that, surely he’d know she didn’t like Starbucks.

Yes, it’s pretty rude of her to tell you she didn’t want it though. Was she pissed off that it was obviously a gift from you rather than her son and that’s why she declined it, perhaps?

jytdtysrht · 09/05/2022 21:07

What a bitch.

Enjoy it yourself.

SpeedofaSloth · 09/05/2022 21:07

Yep, rude. MIL has given a couple of mine back over the years so I firmly leave it to DH now.

Whooshaagh · 09/05/2022 21:08

TheThreeHeadedBeast · 09/05/2022 21:05

Rude, but could you have got anything more thoughtless...
Something that could only be used in one shop and no choice at all

OP has a newborn. I should think any gift at all is pretty thoughtful atm.

MightyFishwife · 09/05/2022 21:09

  1. why are you doing the wifework of buying his mum a gift?

  2. fuck her — she’s rude. Enjoy your coffee.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 09/05/2022 21:09

I think that it depends what type of person she is and your relationship. In my family they would have thought it rude to accept something that they wouldn't use as they would see it as wasting the other persons money, they would give it back on the basis that they would think the person giving it would like it and use it

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 09/05/2022 21:09

MarJau26 · 09/05/2022 21:04

I wouldn't have bought something so specific. If she took it without never having to use it, that would have been a waste. Did you know if she would even like something like that?

Who doesn't like coffee/tea/cake? And even if she doesn't like any of that she could have quietly passed it on to a friend?!

Original poster
Gina97 · 09/05/2022 21:10

TheThreeHeadedBeast · 09/05/2022 21:05

Rude, but could you have got anything more thoughtless...
Something that could only be used in one shop and no choice at all

It was fairly thoughtless but that was the point. I've been running on very little sleep so I wanted easy but still wanted her to know that we care about her. I certainly will keep her reaction in mind for future events 😂

OP posts:
Solmum1964 · 09/05/2022 21:11

Starbucks coffee is horrible. If she's not likely to use it then it makes sense for her to tell you so you can use it instead.
I find flowers much safer for MIL or something from l'Occitane that I know she likes and will use.

SirChenjins · 09/05/2022 21:11

Yep it’s rude. How can she not like something as innocuous as a cup of tea or coffee, a sandwich and a cake? It’s not as if you gave her a voucher for a intimate massage or a bungee jump for goodness sake.

Original poster
Gina97 · 09/05/2022 21:12

OwlinaTree · 09/05/2022 21:04

It's a bit unusual. Is she normally appropriately appreciative of gifts?

Typically I will bake her cookies for birthdays and whatnot and she typically appreciates that

OP posts:
HollowMollows · 09/05/2022 21:14

I guess it depends on how she said it. If she said something like: "oh it's so sweet of you to get me a gift and that too when you've got a little baby. You are such a darling. Gosh you know though I never go to Starbucks and I'd hate to think if all the money getting wasted. Why don't you use it yourself? You deserve a nice cup of coffee!!" Then no I wouldn't be offended. It's the kind of thing my parents would Do. My dad hates anyone wasting money and would return something he won't use.

Hesma · 09/05/2022 21:14

Yes she was rude but that was a shit gift and shows no caring whatsoever so I’d probably have reacted the same if I’m honest. I’d rather have a box of malteasers!

ImAvingOops · 09/05/2022 21:15

I think rude also. She knows you have a newborn and therefore a bit preoccupied right now. Unless you got your own mum something personal and thoughtful, in which case I can see that she might feel put out. Usually though, it's polite to just say thank you and accept a gift gracefully.

Also agree that this is a dh job and not yours.

3peassuit · 09/05/2022 21:15

Get your DH to buy for her in future.

alltheteeshirts · 09/05/2022 21:16

You bought her a thoughtless gift. She reacted in a thoughtless way. Seems like you both put an equal amount of thought in...?

Totally get that you didn't have the energy for this kind of wife work, but your DH should have been dealing with it. I know which coffee my mum likes, and which coffee shops she lives nearby. I wouldn't expect a partner to know that.

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