MIL didn't accept Mother's Day gift

[Gina97]

So I got my MIL a $25 Starbucks gift card for Mother's Day. We have a newborn so I wanted to get her something easy. She came by yesterday and when I went to give her the gift she told me and my husband that she didn't like Starbucks and didn't take the gift. I didn't make a big deal of it but am I right in thinking that this is insanely rude?

Very rude. Even without the newborn.
I don’t particularly like Starbucks and wouldn’t go out of my way to go there, but I still think it’s a nice gift.
I would treat myself to a coffee and cake when out shopping which I never normally do.

Yes she was rude but it’s a bit of a shit gift.

This is absolutely your dp's problem. He should have got his mum an appropriate gift that would have pleased her. Or not, & if she was annoyed that's between them.

He didn't, & you were mug enough to try to patch the gap.

You are now officially off the hook forever.

Should there ever be mention of gifts for MIL, you just waft it back at him.

'Oh I've no idea. She's your mum, you know her best...'

I gave DHs present to me to a colleague. I nearly cried when he gave it to me. I told him I didnt want it, but Im not sure I would do that to anyone else.

While her response may have been rude, it isn't great to give a gift to a close famiy member that shows you don't know them at all and don't know what they would use. I agree your DH can be in charge of it. Hopefully he knows his mother a little better to know what she might like.

I think the opposite to others, just because you picked up something easy for you doesn't mean it was a useful or thoughtful gift for your MIL. For family I wouldn't mind someone saying they wouldn't accept the gift if they wouldn't use it and it would be wasted. If your MIL feigned joy at the gift card then you would have probably bought it again in the future. Better to be upfront about it and not waste money. You could have asked her where would have been a better choice for a gift card for the next time. Anyway, leave it to your husband to sort out in future!

Agree. Starbucks is pretty awful on top.

What a horrible woman, it's the thought that counts.

Make her a gift of cookies and add crushed up laxatives to the mix. 😉

The funny thing is my sister works at Starbucks and has mentioned seeing my mother in law there on more than one occasion.

I don't understand why people are saying you can't buy the mother in law the gift? I buy for both grans. Husband family is my family and goes the other way too once married

Why do it rude? She wouldn't use it and didn't want you to waste your money?

Why did you get her a gift she had no interest at all in? I'd say that would be more rude.

I don't get everyone's issue with you buying your MIL a gift and also saying it's a shit gift? I don't think it's shit at all, especially given you have a newborn and are bound to be all over the place. Keep it and get caffeinated to your hearts content!

I think it depends how she said it really. If she knows she isn’t going to use it then she maybe thought it was kinder to leave it for you to use.

A couple of things I don’t understand, which is why this was for you to organise anyway not her son. But given that you did, I don’t understand why having a new born means you have to get such a thoughtless gift, it surely took just as much time to organise as many other possible gifts.

I would appreciate a Starbucks card, far more than a home made cake/biscuit.
I do agree though that your DH is more likely to know his DM's tastes. You are not answering why he wasn't involved in the present buying process.

I can't believe the insults being thrown at MIL. She was given something she didn't want and politely handed it back.

Isn't that what DILs are constantly told to do here when handed unwanted gifts?

I am always upfront about things I don't want. I 1. Don't want the clutter, 2. Don't want the person to waste their money and 3. Don't want them to repeatedly get it and them again waste even more money.

You've now got a Starbucks voucher. Enjoy it. You said she was appreciative for of your previous gifts so she isn't some horrible woman who's impossible to please. This just wasn't for her.

What an odd thought that you can't openly communicate with your nearest family.

If you're the woman

I so appreciate this comment. Since my husband and I got married I am typically the one to get gifts for both sides of the family. It's all family as far as I'm concerned and I consult my husband before making a purchase. My MIL goes to Starbucks often enough that she could've found use for the card. I got the same exact gift for my own mother and she happily accepted.

What did your husband get her? You wouldn’t usually buy your MIL anything for Mother’s Day. I’ve never bought MIL anything just from me (and I do like her) as she’s not my Mum. Normally just her son or daughter would buy her a gift.

I dont think it was a great gift. Maybe she thought you'd got it free. I wouldnt be impressed with this pretty thoughtless 'gift'.. She was rude too. Both at fault.

I guess I should've put it as I physically went to the location and did the transaction. I asked him if he thought she would like that and he said yes

Wow, some very harsh responses on here! Your gift was fine, her response was rude, leave it to DH to sort his family's gifts from now on.

I put my foot down about that a few years ago - now I will nudge him to remember but that's it. In 2022 why should the wife have to do all the gifting work for both families??

She must realise that as a new mum you’ll be pretty exhausted.
I wouldn’t use a Starbucks voucher but I’d have accepted the gift with a smile and a thank you and passed it on to a friend, or even dropped it off at the local medical centre for staff. No need for her to be rude.

Problem solved just tell him he’s sorting all gifts for his Mum from now on.

It’s a Mother’s Day present and MIL isn’t her mum. Her own son apparently doesn’t think MIL merits any specific notice or thanks on Mother’s Day - that’s probably what she’s upset about, I’d be pretty pissed off too.

Was she trying to be nice and giving it back to you to spend but accidentally coming across rude?