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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL didn't accept Mother's Day gift

258 replies

Gina97 · 09/05/2022 21:02

So I got my MIL a $25 Starbucks gift card for Mother's Day. We have a newborn so I wanted to get her something easy. She came by yesterday and when I went to give her the gift she told me and my husband that she didn't like Starbucks and didn't take the gift. I didn't make a big deal of it but am I right in thinking that this is insanely rude?

OP posts:
Needmorelego · 09/05/2022 23:24

@Blueeyedgirl21 I wonder how many of these I could get for $25? 😂(As I don't know which country that has $ OP is in)
It's almost midnight and I want cake now.

MIL didn't accept Mother's Day gift
MIL didn't accept Mother's Day gift
Blueeyedgirl21 · 09/05/2022 23:28

@AskingforaBaskin you sound extremely self centered

Blueeyedgirl21 · 09/05/2022 23:29

@Needmorelego im fancying a caramel macchiato ! Was this thread a genius marketing move for Starbucks !!! Also where do people live where there are no Starbucks. I have about 5 drive thrus by me. I never go because all of them are somehow busy simultaneously 🤔

AskingforaBaskin · 09/05/2022 23:32

Blueeyedgirl21 · 09/05/2022 23:28

@AskingforaBaskin you sound extremely self centered

Self-centered? For not wanting people to waste their money? Because that's what an unwanted gift is

I've told people to please not get me anything when u genuinely don't want anything.
It's laughable how honesty makes some people horrified.
Imagine being so fragile

Seraphinesupport · 09/05/2022 23:33

guess she was just being honest.

Could have just bought her something online that had more thought. like a hamper of treats, good wine, good chocolate, beauty set depending on what shes into. just giving someone a card to get coffee when if they wanted a starbucks them im sure they could get there own starbucks its a little bit daft.

i hate giftcards for that reason, at least make it amazon so they can get what they want

Blueeyedgirl21 · 09/05/2022 23:33

Oh I wouldn’t be arsed if you were my mil or pal or whatever and you refused my gift, fragile I ain’t. You wouldn’t be getting any more gifts, or much of my time, if you were as rude about it as you seem

Fere · 09/05/2022 23:34

Maybe she assumed that you got it for free off your sister?

Blueeyedgirl21 · 09/05/2022 23:34

@AskingforaBaskin let me guess you describe yourself as some one who ‘tells it like it is’ 😂

NumberTheory · 09/05/2022 23:35

Needmorelego · 09/05/2022 22:35

@NumberTheory but how would the Mother in law know that the OP was the one who physically bought the gift card? How would she know that it wasn't her son who picked it up?

I said that posters on MN are annoyed at the idea of it and that may be part of what's behind a lot of the posts that keep asking why OP is buying her MiL a Mother's Day gift and, maybe, coloring the thinking that's probably a bit of a shit gift because son doesn't seem to have put any effort in.

Whether MiL knew or not I have no idea. If OP in real life is like she has been on here, then it may well have been obvious to her MiL. But real life and a forum are not the same thing so I don't think that's a given.

AskingforaBaskin · 09/05/2022 23:35

Blueeyedgirl21 · 09/05/2022 23:33

Oh I wouldn’t be arsed if you were my mil or pal or whatever and you refused my gift, fragile I ain’t. You wouldn’t be getting any more gifts, or much of my time, if you were as rude about it as you seem

That's literally the whole point
I would rather nothing than some clutter I've got to think about getting rid of. And it's very fragile to think that someone saying no thank you is in anyway being rude.

HewasH2O · 09/05/2022 23:37

Also where do people live where there are no Starbucks.

Cornwall. It would be about a 30 minute drive or 60 in the summer to get to the nearest one. We don't have Deliveroo or Dominos either.

Lalliella · 09/05/2022 23:40

It was a pretty shit gift though, and Starbucks don’t have a great reputation for paying tax which puts some people off.

Needmorelego · 09/05/2022 23:43

@Seraphinesupport maybe they thought she was into Starbucks as she is regularly seen in there.

weegiemum · 09/05/2022 23:53

Blueeyedgirl21 · 09/05/2022 23:29

@Needmorelego im fancying a caramel macchiato ! Was this thread a genius marketing move for Starbucks !!! Also where do people live where there are no Starbucks. I have about 5 drive thrus by me. I never go because all of them are somehow busy simultaneously 🤔

Where do you have to live?

Outer Hebrides. Half an hour drive to the ferry. 45 min check in. 2h30m sailing. 55 min drive to Inverness.

They had a Starbucks for a while but it closed down!

Sswhinesthebest · 09/05/2022 23:57

AskingforaBaskin · 09/05/2022 23:35

That's literally the whole point
I would rather nothing than some clutter I've got to think about getting rid of. And it's very fragile to think that someone saying no thank you is in anyway being rude.

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I must go through life unintentionally upsetting people. I’m with you askin

You can appreciate the thought whilst not wasting peoples money.

CJsGoldfish · 10/05/2022 00:11

It’s rude, but that’s an insanely shit gift. I’d have been deeply hurt to have received that. It’s just as easy to send a bouquet, a plant, or a box of chocolates, or some perfume she likes, (and all these things can be ordered from Amazon so no big effort) than something that screams, ‘I can’t be arsed about you’

This.
Though I don't think not taking it is rude. More like "I won't use it so why don't you?". So easy to get a thoughtful gift these days with even less effort than walking down to the local Starbucks.

HopingForMyRainbowBaby · 10/05/2022 00:14

If someone got me a £25 Starbucks gift card. I'd be over the fecking moon!! The only downside being is that my nearest one is around 40ish miles away although that would also mean the gift card would last a lot longer than if there was a local shop. Could've definitely used a £25 Costa gift card when I used to work next door to it. Think I spent half my weeks wages every week in there on a daily cheese and mushroom toastie and gingerbread or cinnamon latte for breakfast, a muffin as a snack and a creamy mango cooler as an afternoon pick me up. It's probably a good job I no longer work next door to a Costa otherwise I'd be the size of a house now

Arenanewbie · 10/05/2022 00:23

I don’t think that it’s so unusual or wrong that you’ve bought this gift card, OP. When my DD was newborn any excuse for out of the house would do, I would choose a trip to Starbucks (even with a baby) and rather leave DH at home to do washing/ vacuum cleaning etc.
Your MIL was a bit rude because she did visited Starbucks and it’s a nice gift, not very personal but thoughtful enough. If it wasn’t her way of giving you money back (my Mum does this - it drives me mad) maybe she wanted something else from your DH, e.g I would expect chocolates from my DD it would be incomplete present without them, my sister and my mum would always expect flowers.

RachelGreeneGreep · 10/05/2022 00:23

Gina97 · 09/05/2022 22:28

I guess I'm one of those people who really enjoys a Starbucks probably because it's one of the only coffee shops nearby so I didn't think it was really that bad of a gift. I'm also the kind of person who would accept a shit gift for the sake of being appreciative. But honestly my husband and I did not expect the gift to offend her in any way.

Show quote history

As a gift, it was absolutely fine, (I would love it) and yes, she is rude. I wouldn't bother my barney buying something else for her.

A friend bought me a book one time as a small thank you gift. She knew I liked this particular author. I already had the book. What did I do? I thanked her politely and no harm was done.

Congrats on your new baby and enjoy some nice coffees when you get a chance.

AndSoTonight · 10/05/2022 00:38

I disagree that it's a "shit gift" and I think that's a very rude thing to say. OP tried and it's the making the effort that counts, she has a newborn!

Your MIL did not need to say she didn't like Starbucks, she could have quietly passed it onto someone else. I think she was very unkind.

Sort of thing my mother did. I once sent her a book of cinema tickets and she let them expire then posted them back to me!

Shedcity · 10/05/2022 00:41

What do pp want you to do?!?! Go to Starbucks, get your mum a gift card
then send DH on his own later back to Starbucks, lest you be the sort of wife that gets his mum a gift
I also don’t know why people are saying it’s a shit gift. I don’t really like Starbucks but I’d still love that gift anyway. Who doesn’t wants a drink (there’s non coffee for the coffee snobs) and a cake (or chocolate, biscuits, sandwiches) for free.

if MIL is normally nice could it be that she wasn’t expecting anything with your New born and didn’t want to take any money from you?/assumed you would use it for yourself for a much needed break from the house, if she didn’t take it?

Mamanyt · 10/05/2022 00:48

It was incredibly rude. And next year, don't get her a thing.

DailySheetWasher · 10/05/2022 00:49

If she was genuinely grateful for the effort but didn't want to (effectively) take your money for something she thought you'd get more enjoyment out of yourself, I could understand. You're a new mum, she might have been trying to put the focus of the day back on you. Equally, she may have felt uncomfortable that you'd spent your time and money on her when she was really just hoping for some token acknowledgement of the day from her son.

You were there, you are best placed to know whether her intentions were good or not.

Nanny0gg · 10/05/2022 00:50

There's an awful lot of people on here even ruder than the MiL.

Why so spiteful to the OP? She's just had a baby FFS

Original poster
Gina97 · 10/05/2022 01:04

DailySheetWasher · 10/05/2022 00:49

If she was genuinely grateful for the effort but didn't want to (effectively) take your money for something she thought you'd get more enjoyment out of yourself, I could understand. You're a new mum, she might have been trying to put the focus of the day back on you. Equally, she may have felt uncomfortable that you'd spent your time and money on her when she was really just hoping for some token acknowledgement of the day from her son.

You were there, you are best placed to know whether her intentions were good or not.

I think that she could've been more tactful in how she approached it. Instead of essentially saying this is a "shit gift" as it has been so fondly referred in the thread, she could've explained her refusal. I still stand by a gift is a gift. I have given many incredibly thoughtful gifts and plenty less personal gifts but I've never had someone refuse to take one.

OP posts: