MIL didn't accept Mother's Day gift

[Gina97]

So I got my MIL a $25 Starbucks gift card for Mother's Day. We have a newborn so I wanted to get her something easy. She came by yesterday and when I went to give her the gift she told me and my husband that she didn't like Starbucks and didn't take the gift. I didn't make a big deal of it but am I right in thinking that this is insanely rude?

I think coffee shop giftcards are a great gift, and everyone I've ever given them to has been delighted. You're basically giving someone the gift of an afternoon with a friend or loved one over a lovely piece of cake and a hot drink. What's not to love?

i think turning down a gift you aren’t going to use isn’t necessarily rude. But it is odd that your sister sees her in there a lot yet she claims not to like it. But if you got her a gift and DH didn’t she may have just found the gift itself pretty rude and not been in the mood to humour you. I don’t think mothers day is an appropriate time for you to buy DH’s gift for your MiL even if that sort of wife work is your normal role. I’d be pretty pissed off if that happened to me, though more at my DC than their partner.

Stop being the support-human. Let DH do his family.

Its fine for you to buy the gift for your mil if you don't mind doing it. I always buy my mil birthday / mothers day / Christmas / just because gifts because shen likes my tastes and I can select something nicer and more personal. However if all you can think of is a Starbucks voucher you really should have let your dh buy the gift himself. It doesn't take any effort for him to log onto Amazon or Ebay and get something ordered if you don't have time to think. It was an impersonal gift and she was probably quite offended.

I don't get a lot of these responses. If it were a bottle of champagne or a Bayliss and Hardings gift set it would involve as much effort but would be more acceptable. Personally I'd prefer the gift card. But do what I've done for 35 years OP, let your DH deal with gifts for his family.

God people are harsh on here. It’s not a shit gift or thoughtless nor awful.

especially as she goes there on occasion. Such a weird response from her.

Even if she doesn't care for Starbucks coffee, they have good breakfast sandwiches, and she could have used it for a travel mug. Or, re-gift it if nothing else. Then the OP wouldn't have known she didn't use it. Leaving it was rude.

Well if she'd pretended to be over the moon with it you might have bought it again next year because she was so pleased with it.

All families are different but I could certainly tell my family not to buy something again and they would would do the same but we are close and know we mean well.

Did you get a Mother's Day gift from your husband? I can see why she might feel a bit raw if you got a gift from him and he didn't care enough to buy her one? Tell your husband it's all on him next year, she doesn't want a gift. She wants a gift from her son.

Starbucks sell plenty of drinks and cakes - I'm pretty sure she could find something she likes. Their caramel Frappuccino with a double shot of coffee is delightful!
Anyway, while it's not especially personal or thoughtful, you do have a new baby and therefore a reasonable excuse and you did buy the same for your own mum.
To me, a lovely card is the most important part of the Mother's Day present as it shows thought. Hopefully your husband did that bit ( and for you too, since it is MD for you as well). If not then that's something he really ought to pick up on.

I'll be honest, I'm not keen on the wife doing all the present buying - men should put some effort into gifts for their own families or it negates the purpose, which is to show thought and care.

I don't get why people are so surprised that you bought the gift for your mil. I happily buy gifts for my in-laws as I married into his family and now they're my family too. As for your gift, I'd love a starbucks voucher instead of the usual flowers. I think your mil was unpleasant and ungrateful.

Why are you married to a man who expects his wife who just gave birth to sort HIS mum's gifts?

DH problem, entitled behaviour learnt from his mother

It's a Mothers Day gift. She's not OP's mother. The vast majority of the gratitude for mothers is for childhood, when OP didn't even know the MIL.

It's weird. Any men buying Mothers Day gifts for their MIL? I doubt it.

I guess the original post should say "we" got her a gift. I was the one who physically bought it but we both agreed on the gift.

What is this massive big deal about being the one who physically buys a gift for a mother in law? Gift vouchers are often a good gift for both my mum and my mother in law (easy to post). Often my husband is the one who physically gets the gift card (on his way home from work), I'm the one who often buys cards (as in birthday cards) because I am more likely to be going near Card Factory than he is. He usually is the one who actually puts them in the post box because there is one next to the railway station he commutes from.
It would be a right pain in the bum if we did the gift buying separately. I would have to make a specific trip to a shop that he passes every day. Why would I do that? I would have to make a specific walk to a post box that he walks past every day.
We are married. We sort gift buying out together. Sometimes I will go to a shop to get something specific for my mother in law, sometimes my husband does it for my mum (or sister). Depends what we are buying and which one of us is more likely to go to specific shops.
The OP said she bought the vouchers for her mum and mother in law at the same time (husband agreeing that they thought his mum would like it). Should the OP only bought the one? She was there...in Starbucks. Should she have gone home and said "I only got my mum's one, you will have to make a journey to a cafe I was literally just in because I can't possibly get 2 at the same time?"

Yes. My family is like this. They think it’s polite to refuse gofts so thst you don’t waste money. It’s very weird.

OP they were a little rude but let’s face it a voucher for Starbucks is a v weird mothers day present unless you know that they adore Starbucks. Next time: card and possibly some flowers.

I think a lot of posters have overooked that the OP has just had a baby. Going out present buying will be low on her list of priorities.

No!!!
Next year you get her a £10 Starbucks gift card!

She wants rude??? You give her RUDE!!!
And hilarious. 😂

I dare you not to laugh, @Gina97.

As a mother myself what's wrong with being given a voucher for a coffee shop as a gift? I would love that (although prefer Costa to Starbucks). It's a treat for me to go to a cafe and have a toastie, cake and hot chocolate. I don't get to do it very often. It's the sort of gift I love being given.

Did you get a discount if your sister works there?

Personally I hate a gift card. It just adds another chore to my list. Maybe she thinks you’re suggesting she has nothing better to do with her time then sit around drinking coffee.

It’s rude, but that’s an insanely shit gift. I’d have been deeply hurt to have received that. It’s just as easy to send a bouquet, a plant, or a box of chocolates, or some perfume she likes, (and all these things can be ordered from Amazon so no big effort) than something that screams, ‘I can’t be arsed about you’.

@RampantIvy maybe the OP was out for a walk with the baby and the walk involved going past a branch of Starbucks. Having a baby doesn't mean she isn't allowed out !!

That’s so lovely. Does your husband buy for your family? After all, he married into them and now they’re his family too. They must be thrilled with all the Starbucks gift vouchers he’s given them.

@ShandaLear both my mum and mother in law go into town several times a week and it always seems to involve stopping at a coffee shop. I wouldn't have a clue what perfumes they like.

So you actually had a conversation and agreed that a Starbucks gift card would be a great present for his mother? That just makes it sound even worse.