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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Irritated at comment at work

247 replies

Tuesdaytuesday · 09/05/2022 13:33

My working environment is a bit odd, in that I am a lecturer but when I started here 4 years ago I was placed on a desk in the large open-plan administrative services office (desk space at a premium) and here I’ve remained. I’ve posted about it before but for different reasons (unable to really focus to work as it is noisy).

I hope this doesn’t make me appear up myself. The person who sits next to me works with me, but I’m full time and she works 3 days. One day last week when she wasn’t in, the (male) receptionist asked me where my partner in crime was and said that he thought of us as Cagney and Lacey. I was surprised, and somewhat irritated. I’ve no idea why someone should think that, never mind say it. My colleague and I aren’t Siamese twins or do everything together though we do attend some meetings together. I chose not to respond to the comment but now wonder if I should have said something. He would not have said something similar to two male lecturers or two female lecturers who weren't based in the same room as him.

What do you think?

OP posts:
Motnight · 09/05/2022 13:36

Really? I might have rolled my eyes inwardly but said nothing and forgotten it. Cagney and Lacey are great and also aren't siamese twins. Are you concerned that you were thought of as administrative staff?

lioncitygirl · 09/05/2022 13:38

What?!? Why are you irritated. Would you rather be Thelma and Louise or something? Maybe he was just trying to make conversation.

Tuesdaytuesday · 09/05/2022 13:41

Motnight · 09/05/2022 13:36

Really? I might have rolled my eyes inwardly but said nothing and forgotten it. Cagney and Lacey are great and also aren't siamese twins. Are you concerned that you were thought of as administrative staff?

Are you concerned that you were thought of as administrative staff?
No.

I might have rolled my eyes inwardly but said nothing
I did.

OP posts:
YarnHoarder · 09/05/2022 13:43

Surely it was just comment that you get along with the person often at the desk next to you and you work well as a team? I don't think it was intended to cause offence or be anything other than a conversation maker and genuinely asking after the other person.

Also, as an aside, Siamese twins is not the preferred description now and conjoined twins is more acceptable and accurate. (I know this isn't important but was worth saying).

SarahProblem · 09/05/2022 13:43

Imagine being thought of as a peer to admin staff OP.. however do you cope? 🤔

AlisonDonut · 09/05/2022 13:43

Cagney and Lacey were shit hot cops working in a tough precinct in New Yawk City. I'd be chuffed to bits if someone likened me and my colleague to them and I'd start making cardboard box piles to run through if possible. We'd definitely have a laugh about it and incorporate it into lesson plans somewhere.

Oh lecturer not teacher. I get it.

SunshineAndFizz · 09/05/2022 13:45

Being a bit dramatic here. Don't see an issue.

I've heard office comments like this plenty of times (for mix of opposite sex and same sex) people who work together. Not offensive. Not sexist.

Tuesdaytuesday · 09/05/2022 13:45

YarnHoarder · 09/05/2022 13:43

Surely it was just comment that you get along with the person often at the desk next to you and you work well as a team? I don't think it was intended to cause offence or be anything other than a conversation maker and genuinely asking after the other person.

Also, as an aside, Siamese twins is not the preferred description now and conjoined twins is more acceptable and accurate. (I know this isn't important but was worth saying).

No, I don't think any offence was meant at all. I don't think he was asking after my colleague, he knew she wasn't working that day. He asked me if I was missing my partner in crime (I just realised I didn't put that in my original post, I should have).

Do you think we have become oversensitive to comments? Which is why I am discussing this on Mumsnet and not with work colleagues.

OP posts:
EinsteinaGogo · 09/05/2022 13:46

I get you, OP.

That is everyday sexism.

I imagine he wouldn't have linked two male staff together as Starsky and Hutch.

Next time, a simple 'why' is quite a good response to an odd question or statement.

Tuesdaytuesday · 09/05/2022 13:46

AlisonDonut · 09/05/2022 13:43

Cagney and Lacey were shit hot cops working in a tough precinct in New Yawk City. I'd be chuffed to bits if someone likened me and my colleague to them and I'd start making cardboard box piles to run through if possible. We'd definitely have a laugh about it and incorporate it into lesson plans somewhere.

Oh lecturer not teacher. I get it.

What do you get, Alison? That I am a lefty because I am a lecturer? That's what they call us in universities. And I am not leftist. Just so you know.

OP posts:
Indicatrice · 09/05/2022 13:47

I'm on the fence, as it reminds me of school / sixth form, when you couldn't sit next to someone a few times without being labelled as a duo or couple. So I cans see why it is annoying.

What specifically annoys you though? It sounds like it's due to her being PT and you FT? Or is something about her appearance?

Salutatorydrinks · 09/05/2022 13:47

I think you have become massively oversensitive to comments.

AlisonDonut · 09/05/2022 13:48

Tuesdaytuesday · 09/05/2022 13:46

What do you get, Alison? That I am a lefty because I am a lecturer? That's what they call us in universities. And I am not leftist. Just so you know.

No, just missing the 'fun' gene. Honestly, get over yourself.

IWentAwayIStayedAway · 09/05/2022 13:48

is everything else OK @ImJustMadAboutSaffron ?

Indicatrice · 09/05/2022 13:48

I'd start making cardboard box piles to run through if possible.

I don't understand what this means but it doesn't sound like something you should be doing during working hours Grin

SunshineAndFizz · 09/05/2022 13:49

EinsteinaGogo · 09/05/2022 13:46

I get you, OP.

That is everyday sexism.

I imagine he wouldn't have linked two male staff together as Starsky and Hutch.

Next time, a simple 'why' is quite a good response to an odd question or statement.

Why wouldn't they link two male colleagues like that? I've heard it loads times.

CinnabarRed · 09/05/2022 13:49

Even with your update I really think you’re being WAY too sensitive.

Tuesdaytuesday · 09/05/2022 13:49

Indicatrice · 09/05/2022 13:47

I'm on the fence, as it reminds me of school / sixth form, when you couldn't sit next to someone a few times without being labelled as a duo or couple. So I cans see why it is annoying.

What specifically annoys you though? It sounds like it's due to her being PT and you FT? Or is something about her appearance?

Nothing annoys me about my colleague. I have never said that it did. You're making massive assumptions.

OP posts:
DrStrangesWife · 09/05/2022 13:49

You're being WAY to sensitive.

feathermucker · 09/05/2022 13:50

This would amuse me. I wouldn't be offended or say something back at all.

Tuesdaytuesday · 09/05/2022 13:50

Indicatrice · 09/05/2022 13:48

I'd start making cardboard box piles to run through if possible.

I don't understand what this means but it doesn't sound like something you should be doing during working hours Grin

Maybe that is something Cagney and Lacey did on TV? Though I know who they are, I've never watched an episode.

OP posts:
EinsteinaGogo · 09/05/2022 13:51

@SunshineAndFizz

Really? Two male colleagues, who just sit together and don't collaborate / operate as a pair?

How come?

Flavourflava · 09/05/2022 13:51

Such a banal thing to be offended by. "Where's your buddy today?" is such standard dull office chat.

Tuesdaytuesday · 09/05/2022 13:52

AlisonDonut · 09/05/2022 13:48

No, just missing the 'fun' gene. Honestly, get over yourself.

Isn't this post on the same level of "banter" as the incident I wrote about?

OP posts:
SpiderVersed · 09/05/2022 13:52

Cagney and Lacey were icons. How could you find offence in that?

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