Irritated at comment at work

[Tuesdaytuesday]

My working environment is a bit odd, in that I am a lecturer but when I started here 4 years ago I was placed on a desk in the large open-plan administrative services office (desk space at a premium) and here I’ve remained. I’ve posted about it before but for different reasons (unable to really focus to work as it is noisy).

I hope this doesn’t make me appear up myself. The person who sits next to me works with me, but I’m full time and she works 3 days. One day last week when she wasn’t in, the (male) receptionist asked me where my partner in crime was and said that he thought of us as Cagney and Lacey. I was surprised, and somewhat irritated. I’ve no idea why someone should think that, never mind say it. My colleague and I aren’t Siamese twins or do everything together though we do attend some meetings together. I chose not to respond to the comment but now wonder if I should have said something. He would not have said something similar to two male lecturers or two female lecturers who weren't based in the same room as him.

What do you think?

The OP was hard to fathom as I couldn't get my head around what was 'off' about a lighthearted passing comment, or what relevance your office layout had to the comment.

But it makes a bit more sense with this update.
You have a tendency to look seek offence, & have invented an insult where none existed. @AlisonDonut didn't say a word about politics.

If anything, I'm guessing she might have been implying she's better not 'downgrade' your professional role, in case you decided to get sniffy about it ...

See response higher up thread. We really need to stop being so accommodating to this sort of behaviour, it does us no favours. Work should be for work not for this sort of thing. One persons banter is another’s bullying - work should be for work, full stop. Do this sort of thing in personal time.

I don't understand why you would be irritated. A person saw you alone and started a friendly and funny conversation, why would you get irritated by that?

Yes it was a joke. I know what The Pale was.

Of course it was

I didn't say I was offended. I was surprised and irritated but not offended.
But why would you even be irritated or surprised, let alone offended?

Isn't this post on the same level of "banter" as the incident I wrote about?
No.
Also - there was no incident. A colleague made an innocuous passing remark.

Also ... for a person who seems to be alive to examining every nuance of human speech, was it wise to post on AIBU, renowned for its robust responses?

You must be fun to work with! Do you never have a personal conversation with your co-workers? Never ask how their weekend was in the canteen? You can work with people for decades, but according to you, you should never know anything about their lives outside the office. I'm very glad most people don't think like that.

Everyone will have to learn sign language soon , as so many are irritated by innocent passing comments.

I have no need to drag myself into any century @DontBlameMe79 - there is a world of difference between a derogatory, misogynistic statement and what was quoted here. Anyone complaining on this basis would be wasting time and labelling themselves arrogant and foolish. I suspect you’d be happier back in the dark days when forelock tugging was required.

This thread is bonkers!

Someone made an innocuous passing comment which has been interpreted as sexist, worthy of reporting to HR and a reflection of how someone does their job.

@AlisonDonut 🤣🤣 love the cardboard box comment!

DontBlameMe79 i would be having a word with you about your behaviour and attitude actually. And wasting time making spurious claims.

So basically the OP is an academic that resents sharing a noisy office with puerile, fun loving professional services staff.

The straw that has broken the camels back ( apologies to any camels on here , just a phrase you understand) is one comment comparing her and a colleague to a pair of female private detectives from about a million years ago.

So, I thin YABU.

Light hearted chit chat. Being friendly. Don't overthink it.

Same here. And one of my first thoughts was "at least (OP) has an office." I know of 2 places within a fairly small radius that have sold off space in which university employees used to work, and are now combined in fully hotdesking spaces that have desks and cables booked by the hour (and very little else - but headphones needed a lot more than used to be). Now that's really sterile - no affectionate comments or connections encouraged at all.

My colleague isn't a lecturer. She is a project officer, so works on the research side of things but we have crossover work.

humourless

I mean it's not the funniest thing anyone ever said, but what is wrong with people that they can't just smile and either retort or move on?

It's really not 'odd' it's just someone making a chirpy comment. Fucking hell, i wouldn't even remember it, let alone pick up on it and feel offended.

And so it goes on. We wonder why we are treated badly and disrespected by men and yet put up with this. If we won’t stand up for ourselves when it’s easy, like this situation, how do we do it when it’s hard? This sort of thing is like a gateway drug and should not be tolerated. As I said I’d use the quiet word approach first as it sounds like the perpetrator is a younger male, but all the more reason to put him straight before his behaviour escalates and ruins his life and possibly those around him.

The straw that has broken the camels back ( apologies to any camels on here , just a phrase you understand)

That comment will give camels the hump

You sound very sensitive OP and to be honest I think I'd find it difficult working with you. I imagine I'd be walking on eggshells.

like a gateway drug

FFS.

Apologies to @DontBlameMe79 - I’d mistaken you for someone (a) serious (b) sincere (c) not a total knob.

I'm going to go against the tide here and say YANBU for being irritated, although I wouldn't say anything. I remember when I did a short course once and because I sat next to a certain woman the male teacher kept mixing our names up, which I found irritating. I didn't have much in common with her, so the fact someone else saw us as the same person was annoying. Are you from a big family or perhaps the youngest, OP? I am, so being recognised as an individual is something important to me, but I realize that's my issue as I may get overly annoyed about things like this. As for those asking whether the OP looks down on her colleague for being part time or admin, well, no, but it's someone making assumptions about you that's annoying. For example, where I worked in an open plan office, visitors would sometimes wander in and address themselves to me as the youngest female, presuming I'm some sort of receptionist rather than doing the same job as everyone else. Nothing wrong with being a receptionist, but when people assume that because you're a younger female then it's irritating and sexist.

Why is telling someone they remind them of someone else derogatory? Unless of course he said they remind him of Turner and Hooch where one is a dog so obviously a dig. He said OP and her colleague reminded him of Cagney and Lacey, a pair of professional, strong leading ladies in a police procedural drama. That is not derogatory.
OP has no basis to know whether this person would have made the comment to males. She has assumed this based on the fact he was a male. Would she have been equally offended if a woman said this to her? We don't know, even OP won't know until it has happened in the same organic way this did.

@DontBlameMe79

Put up with what though?

FFS it was a jokey reference to two female detectives. If OP was male, he might have referenced Starsky and Hutch. It's not a 'gateway comment' or proof of his misogyny - it was a shit joke.

It really is not anywhere close to 'ruining his life and those around him'.

What a ridiculous comment.