Page 4 | Irritated at comment at work

Tuesdaytuesday · 2022-05-09T12:33:58+00:00

My working environment is a bit odd, in that I am a lecturer but when I started here 4 years ago I was placed on a desk in the large open-plan administrative services office (desk space at a premium) and here I’ve remained. I’ve posted about it before but for different reasons (unable to really focus to work as it is noisy). I hope this doesn’t make me appear up myself. The person who sits next to me works with me, but I’m full time and she works 3 days. One day last week when she wasn’t in, the (male) receptionist asked me where my partner in crime was and said that he thought of us as Cagney and Lacey. I was surprised, and somewhat irritated. I’ve no idea why someone should think that, never mind say it. My colleague and I aren’t Siamese twins or do everything together though we do attend some meetings together. I chose not to respond to the comment but now wonder if I should have said something. He would not have said something similar to two male lecturers or two female lecturers who weren't based in the same room as him. What do you think?

midsomermurderess · 09/05/2022 14:50

I ‘find it remarkable that you're offended by being given 'buddy' nicknames whilst simultaneously using a derogatory term for conjoined twins...’. Some hefty reaching here to get you hobby horse in. It’s almost comical.

LightEveningsAreBack · 09/05/2022 14:52

I'm so glad I got out of academia, I worked with quite a few people who completely lacked personality and a sense of humour. Also found it was full of people who really did think they were something, can't help laughing at the professor that asked his pa to ring ikea up about his personal furniture order and to stress "professor" xyz would like to know when it will be delivered. So funny, I'm sure the people at ikea were loading the lorry up quick sharp for the PROFESSOR 🤣🤣🤣. I digress, I'm sure you'll get the corner office with the view before retirement if you play your cards right.

DontBlameMe79 · 09/05/2022 14:53

Livpool · 09/05/2022 14:41

What would the complaint be based on?!

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Complaint would be based on making a derogatory and misogynistic reference to a coworker, making her feel uncomfortable. This sort of thing only escalates and it’s best to come down hard.

I have no time for the “you can’t say anything these days” crew. They were saying the same thing years ago about racist & homophobic references that would be beyond the pale now.

OuiWeeOui · 09/05/2022 14:54

Bloody hell 🙄 just take it as a compliment-you work as a good team
dont over analyse it

Shivermetimbers0112 · 09/05/2022 14:56

The statement is neither derogatory nor misogynistic - a complaint on these grounds would be foolish at best, possibly vexatious.

Chica10 · 09/05/2022 14:58

LampLighter414 · 09/05/2022 14:43

I would report to HR

If receptionist is hired through an agency they will be gone within days

You are joking, right?

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 09/05/2022 14:58

DontBlameMe79 · 09/05/2022 14:53

Complaint would be based on making a derogatory and misogynistic reference to a coworker, making her feel uncomfortable. This sort of thing only escalates and it’s best to come down hard.

I have no time for the “you can’t say anything these days” crew. They were saying the same thing years ago about racist & homophobic references that would be beyond the pale now.

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He compared two female professionals to two fictional, female professionals. How was that derogatory or misogynistic? Because he didn't compare them to a male due?

DontBlameMe79 · 09/05/2022 14:59

Shivermetimbers0112 · 09/05/2022 14:56

The statement is neither derogatory nor misogynistic - a complaint on these grounds would be foolish at best, possibly vexatious.

Would be best for you to drag yourself into the 21sr century asap if you believe this.

FictionalCharacter · 09/05/2022 14:59

It was a weird thing him to say. Not massively offensive but I think it’s weird (and still would be if it were 2 men being called Starsky and Hutch etc).

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 09/05/2022 15:00

Also, you have heard about the boy who cried wolf? Complain about non-events and when a real one arises it'll be easy for them to convince other's that you're lying.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 09/05/2022 15:02

DontBlameMe79 · 09/05/2022 14:59

Would be best for you to drag yourself into the 21sr century asap if you believe this.

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Please then explain how the comment was derogatory and misogynistic

AchatAVendre · 09/05/2022 15:02

LightEveningsAreBack · 09/05/2022 14:52

I'm so glad I got out of academia, I worked with quite a few people who completely lacked personality and a sense of humour. Also found it was full of people who really did think they were something, can't help laughing at the professor that asked his pa to ring ikea up about his personal furniture order and to stress "professor" xyz would like to know when it will be delivered. So funny, I'm sure the people at ikea were loading the lorry up quick sharp for the PROFESSOR 🤣🤣🤣. I digress, I'm sure you'll get the corner office with the view before retirement if you play your cards right.

OTOH non-professors who aren't arrogant sods are often treated badly in academia, yet they are expected to be responsible for teaching a large number of young people to a high level and also being responsible to some extent for their wellbeing.

I got out of it because the pay was abysmal and I was offered a 0.7 hours contract but when taking the research into account and publication requirements, it would be more of a 1.4 hours contract!

A bit like research science, in this country, academia isn't respected. I think thats quite sad really. It could also form a pattern of behaviour of the institution towards the OP.

starlingdarling · 09/05/2022 15:02

I'm afraid it does make you sound very up yourself.

I work at a university and have a male colleague who sits opposite me (desks facing together with a low board in between). People often call him my partner in crime or buddy or say something like "hey Batman, where's Robin?" (Whoever is there is Batman in those cases). We have very different jobs and don't actually work together but we get along well and chat about work so when he's not around I often know where he is or can sometimes help with queries I don't technically have to know. Things like "yes he spoke to person X about that change. He mentioned it when she was in here this morning". Neither of us mind or feel insulted about being paired up.

DontBlameMe79 · 09/05/2022 15:06

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 09/05/2022 15:00

Also, you have heard about the boy who cried wolf? Complain about non-events and when a real one arises it'll be easy for them to convince other's that you're lying.

There’s no argument about what happened as far as I can tell here. So lying isn’t an issue, it’s whether the statement is problematic. Pretty clear it is in this case as it made OP uncomfortable - as they say, trust your gut and if it feels wrong it probably is. I’m on the fence about a quiet word or immediate complaint, but something needs to be done.

cstaff · 09/05/2022 15:10

Two of the bosses in my firm are buddies and are seen together regularly but they are also about a foot apart in height so they have been christened Little and Large and like most people just take it in their stride and get that is just a joke. FFS a bit oversensitive OP.

Indicatrice · 09/05/2022 15:11

cstaff · 09/05/2022 15:10

Two of the bosses in my firm are buddies and are seen together regularly but they are also about a foot apart in height so they have been christened Little and Large and like most people just take it in their stride and get that is just a joke. FFS a bit oversensitive OP.

You call them Little and Large to their faces? Sure

LaingsAcidTab · 09/05/2022 15:12

He would not have said something similar to two male lecturers or two female lecturers who weren't based in the same room as him.

And you know this, how? Not a very rigorous approach to your reasoning.

Cherryblossoms85 · 09/05/2022 15:12

To be fair there is a lot of press coverage of these issues, given successful industrial tribunals. But the examples there are things like the older worker being referred to as "half-dead Dave", which, whilst I can't help finding it funny, is fairly obviously age discrimination and would also be a whole lot less funny if it was "half-dead Cherryblossom".
This however seems a real stretch to find offence at.

DontBlameMe79 · 09/05/2022 15:13

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 09/05/2022 15:02

Please then explain how the comment was derogatory and misogynistic

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Derogatory - calling someone clearly more senior than him this is derogatory and lacks respect.

Misogynistic - the comment would not have been made to males (according to OP) and undermines OP by comparison to a pair of joke female TV characters.
Open and shut really. Can’t believe those who think this is OK.

LaingsAcidTab · 09/05/2022 15:14

"Everyday sexism" my feminist arse. Honestly!

KrisAkabusi · 09/05/2022 15:14

There’s no argument about what happened as far as I can tell here. So lying isn’t an issue, it’s whether the statement is problematic. Pretty clear it is in this case as it made OP uncomfortable - as they say, trust your gut and if it feels wrong it probably is. I’m on the fence about a quiet word or immediate complaint, but something needs to be done.

Done about what though? The comment was not in any way derogatory. If he had compared her to Barbie or a Kardashian I can see why she might be offended. But all he did was refer to the fact that she works closely with another woman.

AchatAVendre · 09/05/2022 15:16

KrisAkabusi · 09/05/2022 15:14

There’s no argument about what happened as far as I can tell here. So lying isn’t an issue, it’s whether the statement is problematic. Pretty clear it is in this case as it made OP uncomfortable - as they say, trust your gut and if it feels wrong it probably is. I’m on the fence about a quiet word or immediate complaint, but something needs to be done.

Done about what though? The comment was not in any way derogatory. If he had compared her to Barbie or a Kardashian I can see why she might be offended. But all he did was refer to the fact that she works closely with another woman.

The implication that the OP can't do her job on her own and needs another woman with her?

ilovesooty · 09/05/2022 15:16

chisanunian · 09/05/2022 14:01

Why not Starsky and Hutch? Could be worse. Laurel and Hardy for instance, or Del Boy and Rodney?

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Mr Wint and Mr Kidd? 😁

ZeroFuchsGiven · 09/05/2022 15:17

DontBlameMe79 · 09/05/2022 14:53

Complaint would be based on making a derogatory and misogynistic reference to a coworker, making her feel uncomfortable. This sort of thing only escalates and it’s best to come down hard.

I have no time for the “you can’t say anything these days” crew. They were saying the same thing years ago about racist & homophobic references that would be beyond the pale now.

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I have no time for the “you can’t say anything these days” crew. They were saying the same thing years ago about racist & homophobic references that would be beyond the pale now.

Is this a joke? I mean you do know how offensive the phrase 'beyond the pale' is to Irish people is yes?

KrisAkabusi · 09/05/2022 15:18

The implication that the OP can't do her job on her own and needs another woman with her?

In a thread full of the easily-offended, that's the biggest reach so far!