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'Escape from it all' holiday gate-crashed
393

Ismellspring · 08/05/2022 06:54

After a very traumatic and emotionally draining 18 months that have pushed us to the brink, my partner and I plus our 6 year old daughter have rented an apartment in a European city for a month this summer. We just need somewhere to escape to, to regroup and unwind. We absolutely need this 'getting away from it all' opportunity to allow us to heal and begin to move on. The looking forward to it is already beginning to have a positive impact.
Now, there is a child involved and that child has adoring grandparents. You probably know where this is going...
Doting grandparents don't live near us (4 hours away) and we typically visit each other every couple of months for a weekend. Come visit us in * instead, we say. The usual 3 days, we say. Remember, we're getting away from everything, we say.
10 DAYS THEY'VE BOOKED.
Don't worry, we won't intrude, they say. We know you need space to recuperate so we'll keep a low profile, they say. You'll never know we're here, they say.
Their apartment is round the corner. She is very demanding and needy. She thinks there's a life rule book and she wrote it. Everyone around her dances to her tune - it's easier as she is a sulker and stropper. We have all been guilty of pandering to her in the past as we are never in her company long or often enough for it to be worth challenging.
I've hit rock bottom. We were so looking forward to a whole month of a different normal and the space and sanctuary to begin to live again.

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

tiredanddangerous · 08/05/2022 06:57

Can you cancel the booking and book somewhere else?

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YellowHpok · 08/05/2022 06:57

Can you go somewhere else and not tell them?

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toomuchlaundry · 08/05/2022 06:59

Why did you suggest they come, if you are trying to get away from everything?

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Regenbogen22 · 08/05/2022 06:59

Is it your DM or DMIL?

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NannyOggsWhiskyStash · 08/05/2022 06:59

They booked their own apartment, which means they are giving you some space. I get that it's a bit annoying, but maybe they wanted a holiday too, look on it as a perk, you and your partner can go out, and let the grandparents babysit. Just set some boundaries when they arrive.

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DockOTheBay · 08/05/2022 07:00

You probably shouldn't have invited them to come and visit really.
Can you tell them how you feel? Or Move your own booking further away or different dates?
If you can't and they do show up, you'll have to enforce some boundaries. Don't give them a spare key to your apartment or anything like that.

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Wootothewho · 08/05/2022 07:02

what a selfish move, it has taken away the joy of the build up. If you all go you will be on tenterhooks expecting to ‘bump’ into them or have demands for your time.

whoevers parent it is needs to have strong words with them.

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Ismellspring · 08/05/2022 07:03

Sadly, no it can't be changed. I've tried to think of all possibilities and alternatives but that is causing increased anxiety when we should be looking forward to our holiday.

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Choufleurfromage · 08/05/2022 07:03

Is it too late to cancel your booking and find somewhere in a totally different town/country? Then do not tell them you have changed your plans
Whose parents are they? Assuming those of your dp - has s/he said anything to them?
If you can't change plans, make sure you are out as much as possible while they are there, and ignore the doorbell if you are in. They need to know they cannot gatecrash you like this
It sounds as if you really need time by yourselves. Do not let yourselves by hijacked

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Ismellspring · 08/05/2022 07:06

You're all right - we should never have offered even a snifter of an invite. We have suffered so much as a family recently that we didn't want to create any drama or bad feelings.

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Choufleurfromage · 08/05/2022 07:06

NannyOggsWhiskyStash

They booked their own apartment, which means they are giving you some space. I get that it's a bit annoying, but maybe they wanted a holiday too, look on it as a perk, you and your partner can go out, and let the grandparents babysit. Just set some boundaries when they arrive.

i think that's bad advice. Read the OPs post. They want time together. If they wanted someone to babysit, they would arrange it there. Why should the OP have to share their recouperating time with anyone? V selfisf of GP to do this

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Ismellspring · 08/05/2022 07:09

@NannyOggsWhiskyStash We don't have the strength to be setting boundaries especially when that goes against the whole purpose of getting away from it all.

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Fraaahnces · 08/05/2022 07:09

Let them know that the place is far too small for that many people to live without tension for ten days. Find links to some nearby Airbnb places and suggest that this may be more comfortable for everyone.

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Fraaahnces · 08/05/2022 07:10

*They’re crashing a third of your holiday. I wouldn’t have it. If things get “ick” after my previous suggestion, point out that you invited them for three days only.

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newtb · 08/05/2022 07:10

With any luck the building will have an entry code. Don't give it to them.

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DappledShade · 08/05/2022 07:11

It's definitely not ideal, but at least you booked the month so you will have 20 days where they aren't in the country with you. Maybe you or dh could consider helping them to book activities and trips etc so that lots of the time they are there is used up doing them?

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Moodycow78 · 08/05/2022 07:12

Why would they travel abroad for 3 days, you invited them to come see you if you don't want them to visit then tell them.

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carefullycourageous · 08/05/2022 07:13

Ismellspring

@NannyOggsWhiskyStash We don't have the strength to be setting boundaries especially when that goes against the whole purpose of getting away from it all.

Sorry but you have to find strength. Not setting boundaries, not having confidence in your ability to protect your unit will be making your anxiety worse.
You are scared of these people, but they can do nothing to you, unless you genuinely fear physical violence.

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Ismellspring · 08/05/2022 07:14

I feel really selfish and self-centred. But, it's our holiday to plan for and look forward to. It's our time away from it all. I feel robbed.

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IcedOatLatte · 08/05/2022 07:15

Given that you can't turn back time and not invite them (why would that ever have been something you'd do?) It seems that you don't have any option unless the child of the woman stands up to them and stops enabling their behaviour

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GiltEdges · 08/05/2022 07:16

You invited them to come. You can't then dictate that they only come for 3 days. There was no need for there to be any drama over anything, you could have just arranged to see them as normal when you got back. Think you're just going to have to deal with it now 🤷🏼‍♀️

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whatwouldsueheckdo · 08/05/2022 07:17

“We invited you for 3 days. X to Z are the 3 days we’ll be available to see you. We’re sure you’ll understand that outside those days we’ll not be seeing anyone else, as that’s the purpose of our trip”.

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DifficultBloodyWoman · 08/05/2022 07:17

Well, the genie is out of the bottle now. Either you or your DH can have a major strop and insist that they cancel or you can work with what you have got.

let’s say the European city is Paris. Instead of a day trip to Euro Disney, plan an overnight stay or two. Ideally when the dreaded grandparents arrive. Then catch the night train to the south of France for a couple of nights. That will eat up a few more days at the end of their trip.

Sure, maybe you hadn’t planned on these extra excursions on top of your apartment rental but they will add to your fun and limit time with the grandparents. If you can afford a whole month away in a European city, you can probably find the few hundred that this would cost.

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Shoxfordian · 08/05/2022 07:17

It does sound inconsiderate of them but you’re in a city so there’s plenty of places you can be that they’re not. Be clear about what days you want to see them and stick to your boundaries. It might even be good if they can babysit one night while you and your partner go out for dinner or something. Think about the other 20 days and plan some good things in then

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wanderingscot · 08/05/2022 07:17

That's really bad behaviour on their part. It's very intrusive and they'll find it hard to stay away on the holiday so looks like you have them for 10 days.

A lot of European cities have tours and day trips you can book in advance. Can you book up those now, don't tell them? Then it gives you space when they're there. Also, plan meals out for just the 3 of you.

This has got to backfire on them as it's really not on

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