To be pissed off - or do I need to chill

[marshmallowbooks]

Genuine question

DH doesn't go out very often anymore. We are both in our 40s, we work full time, we have kids, life etc etc

However - whenever he DOES go out - it usually ends in disaster.
He doesn't seem to have a stop button. There's usually bodily fluids involved , sometimes more than one, and he often loses/breaks his phone 🙄. He's always terrible at keeping in touch, doesn't reply to texts etc. I always get anxious when he goes out as I don't know when he's going to be home or what he's going to be like (never violent).

Anyway, he's out tonight for a reunion. Before he left, he assured me he would keep in touch. He assured me he wouldn't get too drunk and bring anyone back to the house (this has happened on a couple
Of occasions - with friends). He assured me he wouldn't go back to anyone's house for an after party once the pub was closed yada yada.

I text him about 3 hours ago to let him know one of the kids seems to have chicken pox. No answer.

Text him an hour or so later.....no answer.

The thing that REALLY pisses me
Off is that his phone is never out of his hand at home. Between his phone and smart watch he is always replying
To texts/WhatsApp/emails - ALL THE TIME. It annoys me that he will have seen my texts come in but has ignored them.

So - should I be annoyed? Should I be royally pissed off tomorrow (which realistically Will be the next time I see him)
OR should I just assume he's having a great time with people he's not seen for years and too occupied to reply or look at any texts.

He's also out with the same group tomorrow evening for part two of the reunion!

Chill

If I am on a night out with my friends, I don't need to be being kept in touch with anything that is going on at home, unless it is an emergency.

I mean, I wouldn't be impressed he gets drunk, but I wouldn't be expecting him to be texting me about one of the dc possibly having chicken pox. I mean .... so ? What do you want him to do about that ?

I think, if he does not go out often, then I would just leave him to it and crack on parenting on my own.
I would not make life any easier for him in the morning and he would know that the expectation is that he would carry his normal weekend load.
I would also disappear for a few hours with phone off Saturday afternoon. Especially if DC is sick as that will be the only quiet time you will get. Mine were very clingy when sick and doing 2 nights on your own gets you free afternoons.
good luck

Definitely chill.

Why on earth would you text to say your child has chicken pox. That’s so manipulative.

No I'd be majorly pissed off too OP.
I know people whose phone is literally grafted to there hand but ignore texts.
Just bloody rude.

What are you expecting him to do about the chicken pox while he’s out?

not quite sure what that oblique talk about bodily fluids means?

Thanks for the replies!

We thought something was up with DD, she's been acting off the last few days, and now I know why. I would him to tell me if one of the kids has CP if I wasn't at home.

The last time he went out (maybe 6-8 weeks ago?) it was BAD. So much so that he promised he would never drink again because of what happened. Obviously I've never asked him to do that, but he knows that he can't have a repeat of before. Not with kids in the house anyway.

Chill, you don’t need to text him when he’s out to say you think one of the kids has chickenpox as that is NOT an emergency, it sounds more like you can’t let him go out without being needy and clingy and interrupting his night.

I wouldn’t expect my partner to be in touch when out with friends. I know he’s out with with friends so it’s rare things can’t wait til he’s home and sober? Why the messages? It’s not great if he says he WILL be contactable though but still don’t see the point

I'd be pissed off too as he's assured you he wouldn't be shit as keeping in touch, that's what's frustrating.

I'd just put it to the back of your mind though if you can and just try to focus on the rest of your evening because he's probably not going to get anymore sober and start sticking to what he said.

I hope your child is okay, chicken pox is grim to deal with ❤️

Also, we text all the time during the day. About everything and anything. Would be strange to not tell him I found CP on DD after us discussing something wasn't right with her

Chill

Why text about chicken pox? And why do you expect him to keep in touch. Just wave him off, get a takeaway, and take yourself off to bed when needed.

All very well @spotcheck but could you really relax knowing he'll probably come in and be sick/piss everywhere when you've got a 5 and 3 yo in the house?

Gosh, you sound annoying. Texting him about a child potentially having chicken pox. Probably tends to drink more due to the texts instead of chilling out.

it’s annoying that he’s deliberately ignoring you but maybe he’s had enough and is just trying to have a nice time.

Meh, I leave mine get drunk and don't care.

I tend to just go to bed and await the return, deal with that, go back to bed.

Squaddies for ya. If I stayed up every night he went out and got pissed in the mess, I'd be sleep deprived on a weekly basis!

He throws up and pisses everywhere!? Is he a dog?

texting is annoying.
but that is worth locking him out for. I wouldn’t live with someone like that 🤮

@HikingforScenery I'll never understand how people can say things like 'you sound annoying' to people they don't know. Form reading one thread. Would you say that to a someone in person after one conversation?

He got so drunk less than 2 months ago he swore off drink for good.

Yet he’s already out and might come home and piss/vomit everywhere?

You’re concentrating on the wrong thing. I love a drink. I’ve been very drunk even recently.

Ive never pissed myself or vomited everywhere let alone expected someone else to clean it up.

Get angry about the actual problem. You DC will still have CP tomorrow - Kim knowing makes zero difference and I suspect you’re using it as an excuse to prove he’s out drinking to excess rather than taking it easy like he promised.

These are two separate issues. The texting is annoying and unnecessary.

Living with someone who can't handle their drink to the extent they keep pissing themselves and being sick, is absolutely ridiculous and not something I'd ever put up with.

This would be concerning me even if there weren't a 5 and 3 year old in the house.

We drink in the house often. Never an issue.

When he's out with friends though, as I said, there's no stop button.

He specifically told me to keep in touch this evening to 'prove' he wasn't going to be going mental. He wanted to prove to me after the last couple times that he's learned some kind of self control.

Is it make or break in our marriage? No. Should I be annoyed? Hmm

but could you really relax knowing he'll probably come in and be sick/piss everywhere when you've got a 5 and 3 yo in the house?

This ^ is a million miles from your question about being annoyed he isn't chatting with you, whilst out for the night.

I wouldn't put up with that kind of behaviour from a grown partner, kids or no kids.

Sorry - I thought when I mentioned bodily fluids proper would ent the idea.

• people would get the idea

Promise I'm not drunk too 🤣

Then stop moaning - if you’re actually happy to put up with it what are you asking?

He said to keep in touch - that’s clearly gone out the window as you knew it would.

Its not enough to break up so what’s the point?

You’re either happy to live like this or you’re not but you can’t expect people to ignore the fact you’re married to a disrespectful problem binge drinker.

All the best op