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Original poster

To be pissed off - or do I need to chill

762 replies

marshmallowbooks · 06/05/2022 23:36

Genuine question

DH doesn't go out very often anymore. We are both in our 40s, we work full time, we have kids, life etc etc

However - whenever he DOES go out - it usually ends in disaster.
He doesn't seem to have a stop button. There's usually bodily fluids involved , sometimes more than one, and he often loses/breaks his phone 🙄. He's always terrible at keeping in touch, doesn't reply to texts etc. I always get anxious when he goes out as I don't know when he's going to be home or what he's going to be like (never violent).

Anyway, he's out tonight for a reunion. Before he left, he assured me he would keep in touch. He assured me he wouldn't get too drunk and bring anyone back to the house (this has happened on a couple
Of occasions - with friends). He assured me he wouldn't go back to anyone's house for an after party once the pub was closed yada yada.

I text him about 3 hours ago to let him know one of the kids seems to have chicken pox. No answer.

Text him an hour or so later.....no answer.

The thing that REALLY pisses me
Off is that his phone is never out of his hand at home. Between his phone and smart watch he is always replying
To texts/WhatsApp/emails - ALL THE TIME. It annoys me that he will have seen my texts come in but has ignored them.

So - should I be annoyed? Should I be royally pissed off tomorrow (which realistically Will be the next time I see him)
OR should I just assume he's having a great time with people he's not seen for years and too occupied to reply or look at any texts.

He's also out with the same group tomorrow evening for part two of the reunion!

OP posts:
Alliswells · 07/05/2022 00:29

OP try to get some sleep before he comes in bladdered. No point you twisting and turning all night pet. And you're fully entitled to moan and have a rant, it's just unfortunate they love a good pile on here

Youcansaythatagainandagain · 07/05/2022 00:30

I don’t go out very often and when I do go out I want to forget about home life. He doesn’t need to be contacted, he doesn’t need to know his child has chicken pox while he is out drinking and trying to enjoy himself. You are not the babysitter, you are perfectly capable of caring for the child.

If you can’t care for the child on your own and you need him to come home, then ring him and ask him.

I would find being texted whilst out very irritating and I would also ignore the texts. It’s controlling and manipulative behaviour and he is obviously aware of this and has resorted to ignoring you.

Merryoldgoat · 07/05/2022 00:31

marshmallowbooks · 07/05/2022 00:24

Last time was shout 6-8 weeks ago (and I was with him, he ended up being sick on a pub floor)

The time before then was maybe 8-10 months ago?

Sweet Jesus. If I’d vomited on a pub floor as a grown adult with children 6 weeks ago I’d still be burning with shame and there’d be no
bloody way I’d be on the lash.

Are your angry about his behaviour? Has he never actually said he’d try to stop?

Skinterior · 07/05/2022 00:32

If it's once in a blue moon and his hang over doesn't become the centre of the universe all weekend I'd leave him to it.

They get drunk and they get a bit silly and they're not going to change.

Overthewine · 07/05/2022 00:34

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

LuckySantangelo35 · 07/05/2022 00:35

Chill out OP

Skinterior · 07/05/2022 00:35

It sounds like if he's going to go off the rails he pre arranges to stay on a mates sofa until he's family friendly again.

Original poster
marshmallowbooks · 07/05/2022 00:36

Youcansaythatagainandagain · 07/05/2022 00:30

I don’t go out very often and when I do go out I want to forget about home life. He doesn’t need to be contacted, he doesn’t need to know his child has chicken pox while he is out drinking and trying to enjoy himself. You are not the babysitter, you are perfectly capable of caring for the child.

If you can’t care for the child on your own and you need him to come home, then ring him and ask him.

I would find being texted whilst out very irritating and I would also ignore the texts. It’s controlling and manipulative behaviour and he is obviously aware of this and has resorted to ignoring you.

I'm definitely not controlling or manipulating 🙈🙈

DD has been 'off' that's the best way to describe it. DH and I text each other all day. DD having CP is a big event for us as it's never happened before 🤷🏼‍♀️ and it would go against my nature not to tell
Him. I would tell him any other time of the day 🤔.

Anyway, I didn't ask him to come home. She doesn't have a temp. She's doesn't even know she's got the spots. I don't need his help. However, it's a bit of information from my evening I wanted to share with him.

OP posts:
IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls · 07/05/2022 00:36

I am not with the majority....

I would be pissed off .

So what if hes out jesus does that mean hes devoid of any thoughtfulness towards his partner or parental responsibility ?

It strikes me as immature to expect that when you go out you leave any consideration for your partner at the doorstep .

Original poster
marshmallowbooks · 07/05/2022 00:37

@Overthewine thank you -
I think this is what I needed to hear! I think maybe you are right.

OP posts:
Apricote · 07/05/2022 00:39

Gosh, you sound annoying. Texting him about a child potentially having chicken pox. Probably tends to drink more due to the texts instead of chilling out.

WOW this is some bullshit. Not only should OP be cool with a pissing, sicking, useless husband after a night out, it's actually her fault it happens in the first place!

Fucking unbelievable.

I could maybe put up with this behaviour once a year from someone in their forties. Tops. I have quit drinking because once I get started I drink too much. I don't have a lot of sympathy for him; he's not protecting his own kids from his own lack of control. It amazes me the shitty behaviour people on here will justify in the name of a night out drinking.

worraliberty · 07/05/2022 00:40

However, this really doesn't happen often.

Once is too often for a grown man and a father.

Twice is ridiculous and any more than that is a massive 2 fingers up to you and your relationship.

If you can find someone even remotely attractive after you've seen them piss themselves and vomit on a pub floor, then crack on but I've no idea how you're going to make excuses to the kids when they're old enough to witness it too, or hear the sniggers from those who have heard about it.

This is his fault, not yours but you really need to wise up and cut the excuses out.

'Has no off button' my arse.

edel2 · 07/05/2022 00:41

Bunce1 · 06/05/2022 23:43

Definitely chill.

Why on earth would you text to say your child has chicken pox. That’s so manipulative.

Totally agree

Whatifitallgoesright · 07/05/2022 00:41

I have one of these so much sympathy to you. Mine doesn't do the piss/sick thing, he just just talks bollocks and become loud and totally in his own world. These cool wife responses make me laugh, Jesus, are they surrendered wives or something? Or they're just young and are not yet wearied enough. my main annoyance - having not drank myself for 18mnths - is that fitfully waiting means I can't sleep so he stumbles round bed and falls asleep immediately and gets 3-11am and I get 4-8am if I'm lucky. Fuckers outsourced his hangover to me. Yeah I could beat him awake at 9am on a Saturday but hey ho he hates his job and needs to really believe he's invented a whole new genre of music after 8 bottles of lager so ho hum.

edel2 · 07/05/2022 00:43

marshmallowbooks · 06/05/2022 23:48

Also, we text all the time during the day. About everything and anything. Would be strange to not tell him I found CP on DD after us discussing something wasn't right with her

God just let the man have a night out with his friends.

If he did that to you you'd be told, omg your partner is so controlling!!!!

I'm telling you if I got a text on my rare night out with mates that my kid had chicken pox....Christ. So so manipulative

milkyaqua · 07/05/2022 00:43

So, he's a problem drinker, a severe binge drinker, or whatever you want to call it. Yet you expect him, when he is obviously three sheets to the wind, pissed as a neut, blind drunk, tonto, blotto, etc, to behave rationally and with consideration respond to your text...

I think you need to accept reality. You can be pissed or chill, it is irrelevant. You are expecting a different result - this time he won't get drunk - from the same set of circumstances. That is your problem. And that you are minimising his drinking problem as 'only every so often'.

He clearly has a drinking problem, and you have an irrational expectations of a drunk man problem.

edel2 · 07/05/2022 00:43

marshmallowbooks · 06/05/2022 23:54

@HikingforScenery I'll never understand how people can say things like 'you sound annoying' to people they don't know. Form reading one thread. Would you say that to a someone in person after one conversation?

Eh you texted the man that one of your kids has chicken pox. That's annoying.

Original poster
marshmallowbooks · 07/05/2022 00:44

@Apricote thank you - I am genuinely doubting myself over here 😭

OP posts:
edel2 · 07/05/2022 00:45

Lostoldusername · 07/05/2022 00:15

I don't understand the big fuss about the text re Chicken Pox....if I was out - work, friends, big night our and my partner had messaged me the same, I'd be absolutely fine with.
As OP said, they'd thought something was brewing for a few days so she's simply let him know that's what it was. It'd not like she has messages to say child has stubbed her toe!

I'd be annoyed too re the sick/pee/hangover. He's a grown man so is obviously entitled to a night but then he should also act like a grown man and not a drunk teenager.

Eh cause you're on a night out and don't want to hear about it bloody chicken pox??!!

Thedogscollar · 07/05/2022 00:46

mycatisannoying · 07/05/2022 00:17

Oh OP, I'm really sorry but you would do my nut in.

Your cat is less annoying than you. I guarantee it.

Original poster
marshmallowbooks · 07/05/2022 00:46

@edel2

It's annoying to know one of your kids has chicken pox?

It's annoying to think your OH might be having a tough time while your trying to have a good time? Eugh.

OP posts:
Kite22 · 07/05/2022 00:47

worraliberty · 07/05/2022 00:40

However, this really doesn't happen often.

Once is too often for a grown man and a father.

Twice is ridiculous and any more than that is a massive 2 fingers up to you and your relationship.

If you can find someone even remotely attractive after you've seen them piss themselves and vomit on a pub floor, then crack on but I've no idea how you're going to make excuses to the kids when they're old enough to witness it too, or hear the sniggers from those who have heard about it.

This is his fault, not yours but you really need to wise up and cut the excuses out.

'Has no off button' my arse.

This ^

I still can't believe you care enough about him not answering a text to start a thread, but seem to accept this inability to go out for an evening without loosing control of his bodily functions as a normal thing you have just mentions as a by the by
Confused

It really is NOT normal behaviour, nor in any way acceptable.
After the first time, he should have been so ashamed and embarrassed it never, ever happened again.

edel2 · 07/05/2022 00:47

marshmallowbooks · 07/05/2022 00:46

@edel2

It's annoying to know one of your kids has chicken pox?

It's annoying to think your OH might be having a tough time while your trying to have a good time? Eugh.

Omg complete martyr. Sorry I just have ZERO time for martyrs. Zero.

Original poster
marshmallowbooks · 07/05/2022 00:49

milkyaqua · 07/05/2022 00:43

So, he's a problem drinker, a severe binge drinker, or whatever you want to call it. Yet you expect him, when he is obviously three sheets to the wind, pissed as a neut, blind drunk, tonto, blotto, etc, to behave rationally and with consideration respond to your text...

I think you need to accept reality. You can be pissed or chill, it is irrelevant. You are expecting a different result - this time he won't get drunk - from the same set of circumstances. That is your problem. And that you are minimising his drinking problem as 'only every so often'.

He clearly has a drinking problem, and you have an irrational expectations of a drunk man problem.

I text him one hour after he left and he didn't drink before he left so he would t have been drunk when I told him DD had CP.

OP posts:
AntiHop · 07/05/2022 00:50

@edel2 you're being really unpleasant to the op.