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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be pissed off - or do I need to chill

762 replies

marshmallowbooks · 06/05/2022 23:36

Genuine question

DH doesn't go out very often anymore. We are both in our 40s, we work full time, we have kids, life etc etc

However - whenever he DOES go out - it usually ends in disaster.
He doesn't seem to have a stop button. There's usually bodily fluids involved , sometimes more than one, and he often loses/breaks his phone 🙄. He's always terrible at keeping in touch, doesn't reply to texts etc. I always get anxious when he goes out as I don't know when he's going to be home or what he's going to be like (never violent).

Anyway, he's out tonight for a reunion. Before he left, he assured me he would keep in touch. He assured me he wouldn't get too drunk and bring anyone back to the house (this has happened on a couple
Of occasions - with friends). He assured me he wouldn't go back to anyone's house for an after party once the pub was closed yada yada.

I text him about 3 hours ago to let him know one of the kids seems to have chicken pox. No answer.

Text him an hour or so later.....no answer.

The thing that REALLY pisses me
Off is that his phone is never out of his hand at home. Between his phone and smart watch he is always replying
To texts/WhatsApp/emails - ALL THE TIME. It annoys me that he will have seen my texts come in but has ignored them.

So - should I be annoyed? Should I be royally pissed off tomorrow (which realistically Will be the next time I see him)
OR should I just assume he's having a great time with people he's not seen for years and too occupied to reply or look at any texts.

He's also out with the same group tomorrow evening for part two of the reunion!

OP posts:
Feckingfeck · 07/05/2022 00:03

Chill

But ....

The phone thing is a definite skill. DH is the same 😤 must be a man skill... much like buying the dead plants/flowers 🤨 apparently they will come back 😤

Original poster
marshmallowbooks · 07/05/2022 00:06

Holy crap.

So let me get this straight.

You can't be happily married and yet be pissed off at certain aspects/circumstances?

Is it put up and shut up? Or, if your pissed off leave your marriage and break up your home?

Can we not just have a moan anymore?!

OP posts:
SpindleInTheWind · 07/05/2022 00:07

It's unacceptable, frankly.

You're understandably stressed about him

1 Lying
2 Being a binge drinker
3 Vomiting and pissing in your home
4 Bringing drunk people back when you have young children asleep AND YOU DON'T WANT THAT
5 Being a twat

I wouldn't be chilling, no.

worraliberty · 07/05/2022 00:09

You seem to have convinced yourself a grown adult 'has no off button' when it comes to drinking alcohol with his friends.

You realise 'off buttons' don't exist in human bodies, don't you?

You're making excuses for a selfish man/husband/father. I guess because it's easier than admitting you're married to a selfish arse who thinks indulging himself to the point where he pisses himself like a toddler and throws his guts up is ok.

Original poster
marshmallowbooks · 07/05/2022 00:09

@SpindleInTheWind thank you 🥺

OP posts:
JustLyra · 07/05/2022 00:09

If he’s that horrendous then his nights out would include a hotel. Fuck waiting for that carnage to arrive when you’ve got small children in the house.

NippyWoowoo · 07/05/2022 00:10

Bunce1 · 06/05/2022 23:43

Definitely chill.

Why on earth would you text to say your child has chicken pox. That’s so manipulative.

100%. That can wait.

I have a friend whose partner always texted her with a childcare emergency whenever she's out with me. Not a good look.

NippyWoowoo · 07/05/2022 00:11

marshmallowbooks · 06/05/2022 23:48

Also, we text all the time during the day. About everything and anything. Would be strange to not tell him I found CP on DD after us discussing something wasn't right with her

That's different to being out with your friends

worraliberty · 07/05/2022 00:11

marshmallowbooks · 07/05/2022 00:06

Holy crap.

So let me get this straight.

You can't be happily married and yet be pissed off at certain aspects/circumstances?

Is it put up and shut up? Or, if your pissed off leave your marriage and break up your home?

Can we not just have a moan anymore?!

Interesting how you see a woman not putting up with someone pissing themselves and vomiting due to being selfish, as 'breaking up the marriage and the home', rather than the bloke doing the pissing and vomiting?

Original poster
marshmallowbooks · 07/05/2022 00:12

@worraliberty I get what you are saying.
However, this really doesn't happen often.

Other than this he is a great husband. Very hands on with the kids. Helps out in the house. And most importantly we get on great and have a laugh all the time. We usually have a couple drinks at the weekend, have dinner parties with friends etc.

But when he 'goes out' I'm always on edge.

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 07/05/2022 00:13

Lots of things piss me off. Socks on the floor, too many pans used when cooking, thinking I can hear him talking when I’m in the shower.

What you describe is not normal. And yes, for me, I would end my marriage if my husband repeatedly pissed and vomited over the floor when out drinking and didn’t respect me enough to want to change it address the issue.

quietnightmare · 07/05/2022 00:13

Fingers crossed he pissis on the carpet and will need to do a whole lot of grovelling, looks like your due a night off and a night or two out just as he does if he lets you down

PeekabooAtheZoo · 07/05/2022 00:14

Jesus the Cool Wives are out in force on this one.
YANBU OP he sounds like a teenager who's discovered alcohol for the first time, you must be so fed up.

Thedogscollar · 07/05/2022 00:14

marshmallowbooks · 06/05/2022 23:54

@HikingforScenery I'll never understand how people can say things like 'you sound annoying' to people they don't know. Form reading one thread. Would you say that to a someone in person after one conversation?

No they wouldn't OP. Lots of people on here say shitty things it makes them feel better.
It's quite sad tbh.

Lostoldusername · 07/05/2022 00:15

I don't understand the big fuss about the text re Chicken Pox....if I was out - work, friends, big night our and my partner had messaged me the same, I'd be absolutely fine with.
As OP said, they'd thought something was brewing for a few days so she's simply let him know that's what it was. It'd not like she has messages to say child has stubbed her toe!

I'd be annoyed too re the sick/pee/hangover. He's a grown man so is obviously entitled to a night but then he should also act like a grown man and not a drunk teenager.

Original poster
marshmallowbooks · 07/05/2022 00:15

@Thedogscollar thank you! I'm a nice person, no one has ever called me annoying, until Mumsnet

OP posts:
Lostoldusername · 07/05/2022 00:16

Apologies for typos above - must proof read.....

Original poster
marshmallowbooks · 07/05/2022 00:17

Lostoldusername · 07/05/2022 00:15

I don't understand the big fuss about the text re Chicken Pox....if I was out - work, friends, big night our and my partner had messaged me the same, I'd be absolutely fine with.
As OP said, they'd thought something was brewing for a few days so she's simply let him know that's what it was. It'd not like she has messages to say child has stubbed her toe!

I'd be annoyed too re the sick/pee/hangover. He's a grown man so is obviously entitled to a night but then he should also act like a grown man and not a drunk teenager.

Thank you. I also didn't ask or even hint for him to come home. It was a 'ah, think I know what's been up with DD, she's got CP!' Text

OP posts:
mycatisannoying · 07/05/2022 00:17

Oh OP, I'm really sorry but you would do my nut in.

Original poster
marshmallowbooks · 07/05/2022 00:17

mycatisannoying · 07/05/2022 00:17

Oh OP, I'm really sorry but you would do my nut in.

Unlikely. I'm a nice person.

OP posts:
OhLordyWhatNow · 07/05/2022 00:20

marshmallowbooks · 07/05/2022 00:12

@worraliberty I get what you are saying.
However, this really doesn't happen often.

Other than this he is a great husband. Very hands on with the kids. Helps out in the house. And most importantly we get on great and have a laugh all the time. We usually have a couple drinks at the weekend, have dinner parties with friends etc.

But when he 'goes out' I'm always on edge.

OP you said upthread it happens each time he goes out with his friends, the last time 6(?) weeks ago?

That's fairly often.

He needs to grow the fuck up and take responsibility for his own behaviour. What example is he setting for his children? Would you want a son to do the same thing?

Feckingfeck · 07/05/2022 00:23

marshmallowbooks · 07/05/2022 00:15

@Thedogscollar thank you! I'm a nice person, no one has ever called me annoying, until Mumsnet

Unfortunately people don't say lots of things until they are on Mumsnet.

I get it that your worried i would be the same. The DC comment comes from a place of concern too.. no idea why the vipers grabbed hold of that!

Try not to worry, he will get home in 1 piece and hopefully wont piss the bed 😊

Haters going to hate 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
marshmallowbooks · 07/05/2022 00:24

Last time was shout 6-8 weeks ago (and I was with him, he ended up being sick on a pub floor)

The time before then was maybe 8-10 months ago?

OP posts:
Original poster
marshmallowbooks · 07/05/2022 00:25

Thanks you @Feckingfeck

OP posts:
OhLordyWhatNow · 07/05/2022 00:29

marshmallowbooks · 07/05/2022 00:24

Last time was shout 6-8 weeks ago (and I was with him, he ended up being sick on a pub floor)

The time before then was maybe 8-10 months ago?

You can't find that attractive, surely?