To be pissed off - or do I need to chill

[marshmallowbooks]

Genuine question

DH doesn't go out very often anymore. We are both in our 40s, we work full time, we have kids, life etc etc

However - whenever he DOES go out - it usually ends in disaster.
He doesn't seem to have a stop button. There's usually bodily fluids involved , sometimes more than one, and he often loses/breaks his phone 🙄. He's always terrible at keeping in touch, doesn't reply to texts etc. I always get anxious when he goes out as I don't know when he's going to be home or what he's going to be like (never violent).

Anyway, he's out tonight for a reunion. Before he left, he assured me he would keep in touch. He assured me he wouldn't get too drunk and bring anyone back to the house (this has happened on a couple
Of occasions - with friends). He assured me he wouldn't go back to anyone's house for an after party once the pub was closed yada yada.

I text him about 3 hours ago to let him know one of the kids seems to have chicken pox. No answer.

Text him an hour or so later.....no answer.

The thing that REALLY pisses me
Off is that his phone is never out of his hand at home. Between his phone and smart watch he is always replying
To texts/WhatsApp/emails - ALL THE TIME. It annoys me that he will have seen my texts come in but has ignored them.

So - should I be annoyed? Should I be royally pissed off tomorrow (which realistically Will be the next time I see him)
OR should I just assume he's having a great time with people he's not seen for years and too occupied to reply or look at any texts.

He's also out with the same group tomorrow evening for part two of the reunion!

ODFOD

You sound like a bloke used to lying in his own piss.
Who expects his wife to clean up after him.

Another dirty fker used to lying in piss. What a catch 🤮

Meh, it's a story as old as time. Wife/gf gets annoyed about partner going out and having a good time without her. As long as my partner's not an alchy or has a drinking problem I'm not going to get my knickers in a twist about him going on the piss every once in a while, even if he sometimes drinks a bit too much and throws up. If. It'd actually be more worrying if he could drink loads of alcohol and not feel sick as that's the sign of a hardened boozer.

Too many women love to moan and keep their husband under the thumb and this forum is all the proof you need.

Is that a fact @TruthHertz ?

Would your knickers get twisted if your bloke pissed your brand new sofa, & left it for you to deal with?

Or is your affected cool so important to you that you'd pretend not to be "annoyed"?

Or maybe you are too scared to keep your husband under your thumb express displeasure, in case you are accused of being "annoyed".

That's if you have a husband ... or even are a woman ...

@TruthHertz

Not sure if you've RTFT

I have no problem with him going out and having a good time. In fact, I think it's good we both get to go out and socialise with our friends. And we do.

Unfortunately, due to previous events, under certain circumstances and certain friend groups I know that it ends up being more than 'just a good time'.

All well and good if you are single and no one suffers because of your actions.

It's a different story though when there's a partner/kids Involved who are affected by your drunken antics.

Eh? But “sometimes drinks too much and throws up” IS an alcohol problem in someone over 40 or with kids. We’ve all overindulged in our lives as youngsters while learning our alcohol tolerance levels (mind you, I have NEVER been so far gone I’ve pissed myself, that is quite extreme and something I’ve only seen in alcoholics). If you carry on doing it way into adulthood and youre the only one who gets that bad then it just becomes tragic or cringe or pitiful rather than being a “wahey!” 18-30s holiday laugh along with your mates behaving the same as you. To the onlooker it feels like you’re waiting for them to catch up with the rest of you, maturity wise.

not sure how seriously we should take your viewpoint, though, if you insist on using old fashioned descriptions of wives keeping their husband “under the thumb”. 70s housewife springs to mind. Do you give him back his “ale money” out of the money he gives you for housekeeping on a Friday night too? You’ll be using the phrase “ball and chain” next. 😆

How’s it going @marshmallowbooks

Thanks for checking in @Ohforgoodnesssakess

Yes things are good - can't believe this was nearly 3 months ago.

He has been out with friends since (as have I) and we have had a couple of drinks in the house and with friends.

He has so far kept his word. Hasn't had too much to drink at all and he seems to have the sense of knowing when to stop.

He has also continued to help a bit more in the house after I opened up about everything, he's much more aware of all the things I did on a daily basis and although he wasn't terrible at it before he certainly pulls more of his weight around the house and with the DC.

Still early days, and I still can't say he will never ever ever drink THAT much again, but we are in a much better place and our family house is a happy one.

That's great news @marshmallowbooks

Delighted to read this.

OP, you are a great woman who deserves a good man whose worthy of you.

He can either rise to the occasion or move on.

Either way you WILL be fine.

Wishing you and your family the very best.

Great news glad to hear it!

Lovely update @marshmallowbooks & long may his improved behaviour continue