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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed MIL cleaned the bathroom

421 replies

Clementinemist · 06/05/2022 00:14

I went to a hen party over the weekend, and DH's parents popped round for a dinner while I was away. We keep our flat very clean and tidy. Our main bathroom wasn't dirty, but could have done with a light clean; probably some of my hair in the plug/around the shower, cabinet was a bit dusty, mirror needed a polish, a bit of limescale around the taps. I've just started a new job and an evening course, been really busy, and didn't have time to give it a once over before I left. (Just to note DH does his share of housework, I usually do the bathroom).

Anyway, MIL decided to thoroughly clean the bathroom while she was here. She emptied the bin which included my used tampons/sanitary towels, possibly condoms. I'm not awkward or uncomfortable about periods/sex or anything, but that's pretty personal. I'm a bit annoyed that she took it upon herself to clean my home, it's not like it was filthy, and has gone into my bin for no reason whatsoever. AIBU?

OP posts:
Fupoffyagrasshole · 06/05/2022 00:16

So she did something nice for you 🙃 I couldn’t get upset about this at all

PlasticineMeg · 06/05/2022 00:17

My mum does this, I don’t like it either, it feels judgmental.

Redshoeblueshoe · 06/05/2022 00:18

That is rude

McConkeysPlate · 06/05/2022 00:18

I would be delighted.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 06/05/2022 00:20

My mum does it all the time. I love it. My mil took the dirty washing when we were away one weekend (she came to feed the cats) and returned it washed and ironed.

What's not to love!

Threetulips · 06/05/2022 00:20

I think it’s awful when people do this.

Why they feel the need I don’t know! If you wanted help you would’ve asked. What did your DH say?

prettylittlethingss · 06/05/2022 00:21

I wouldn't like this either. Feels invasive.

mowly77 · 06/05/2022 00:21

Personally I would love it if anyone cleaned any part of my house I literally don’t care who as frankly I don’t have the energy or motivation to clean my own house right now!

But yeah understand you feel a bit like your privacy is violated. She was probably bored or thought she was being helpful I wouldn’t overthink it.

My own MIL did all sorts of batshit things when she housesat/pet sat including shitty DIY hooks that keep falling down (in a cupboard luckily) and buying a microwave I didn’t want that takes up loads of counter space in small kitchen. I had to let it alllll go! Her intentions were good

but then again having reread your OP & noted she did it whilst coming round to dinner is a leeetle strange. MILs eh.

LetitiaLeghorn · 06/05/2022 00:22

She wouldn't happen to be free tomorrow, would she? 🙂

QueenCamilla · 06/05/2022 00:24

Well, she's clearly done it with good intentions!

I once started deep- cleaning the kitchen at my boyfriends parents house we were staying at. I was late teens and wanted to feel useful in some sort of way! Too worried about being deemed a waste of space after enjoying their hospitality.

QueenoftheNimbleFlyingCat · 06/05/2022 00:24

Can she come and do mine please? PLEASE?

Yazo · 06/05/2022 00:25

I've cleaned my mum's house in the past and it really annoys her and her house is a tip. You should just tell her otherwise she'll keep wanting to do it.

Maybe no-one else (partner/kids) ever cleaned the bathroom in her house so she feels like it's really nice to do for a spotless clean rather than what I'm sure was fine.

Maybe she put something in the bin she was embarrassed about you seeing so threw the lot away, I'm sure she wasn't that bothered or surprised that you have sex and periods if she even noticed.

OnlyClothes · 06/05/2022 00:28

It’s all about the relationship.

there are some people in my life I would be thanking profusely and negotiating another session, but if certain people did it, it would feel judgemental, passive aggressive and intrusive.

toomuchlaundry · 06/05/2022 00:28

Can’t imagine going to someone’s house for dinner and cleaning the bathroom! I would see that as being judgemental.

Would she like if it you turned up for a meal at her house and cleaned her bathroom?

ChazzaGirl · 06/05/2022 00:30

I don’t understand she would clean when she’s only been invited round for dinner? That seems well over the top and intrusive, as surely she’s only there for a few hours? If she was staying overnight I could sort of forgive it, as she might think she’s helping out.

kittenkipping · 06/05/2022 00:30

Yanbu op. Its rude, judgemental and intrusive in my opinion.

LetitiaLeghorn · 06/05/2022 00:30

Would she like if it you turned up for a meal at her house and cleaned her bathroom?

Bloody hell. Who do I have to invite to get my bathroom cleaned? I make a very good cottage pie. Any takers?

Soapboxqueen · 06/05/2022 00:31

So your MIL popped round for dinner and I'm assuming your dh was there when she started cleaning so the issue is him not her.

He should have said no thank you.

Unless, he really didn't mind (gave permission) in which case it's him you need to talk to.

As you can see from this thread some people wouldn't mind it at all. She may honestly think she did you a favour.

Ihatethenewlook · 06/05/2022 00:32

There’s no right or wrong to this, only opinions. She tried to do something nice thinking you’d appreciate it, but you don’t. She needs to be told that kind gestures like this are unacceptable in your house as you find it embarrassing

MrsMoastyToasty · 06/05/2022 00:36

I would love my MIL to clean my bathroom.
I have a broken bone at the moment.
However she wouldn't know one end of a bottle of bleach from the other.
She died nearly 20 years ago.

GiltEdges · 06/05/2022 00:36

Anyway, MIL decided to thoroughly clean the bathroom while she was here. She emptied the bin which included my used tampons/sanitary towels, possibly condoms.

I'm not a clean freak or anything, but that sounds like a bin that needed emptying! For me personally, leaving any of those things in a bin for more than say 24 hours is a bit grim. Equivalent to not regularly emptying a nappy bin, if you choose to use one. She did you a favour 🤷🏼‍♀️

Pixiedust1234 · 06/05/2022 00:37

Why didn't your DH stop her? Oh right, her son. She's cleaned his shit for at least 18 years so wasn't fazed by it and probably was just doing a "mum" thing. We either feed, clean or do laundry. Although could it be possible DH and his father were talking manly sport things and she was bored senseless?

Tell DH to stop her next time.

ChazzaGirl · 06/05/2022 00:37

LetitiaLeghorn · 06/05/2022 00:30

Would she like if it you turned up for a meal at her house and cleaned her bathroom?

Bloody hell. Who do I have to invite to get my bathroom cleaned? I make a very good cottage pie. Any takers?

Have marigolds, will travel…

Mollymoo67 · 06/05/2022 00:42

This would have put my back up. Overstepping and what I would consider implicit criticism. At the risk of sounding like Miss Manners, if one notices dirt in someone else's house one should pretend not to have seen it.

Ihatethenewlook · 06/05/2022 00:49

How long are you leaving dirty sanitary towels, tampons and ‘possibly’ condoms in your bathroom bin that you’re not even sure what’s in there? No wonder you’re mortified at her seeing that utter filth, and no wonder she tried to make your environment a little healthier and more hygienic. Are there children in the house?

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