To be annoyed MIL cleaned the bathroom

[Clementinemist]

I went to a hen party over the weekend, and DH's parents popped round for a dinner while I was away. We keep our flat very clean and tidy. Our main bathroom wasn't dirty, but could have done with a light clean; probably some of my hair in the plug/around the shower, cabinet was a bit dusty, mirror needed a polish, a bit of limescale around the taps. I've just started a new job and an evening course, been really busy, and didn't have time to give it a once over before I left. (Just to note DH does his share of housework, I usually do the bathroom).

Anyway, MIL decided to thoroughly clean the bathroom while she was here. She emptied the bin which included my used tampons/sanitary towels, possibly condoms. I'm not awkward or uncomfortable about periods/sex or anything, but that's pretty personal. I'm a bit annoyed that she took it upon herself to clean my home, it's not like it was filthy, and has gone into my bin for no reason whatsoever. AIBU?

A babysitter once cleaned my bathroom. I didn’t know whether to be delighted or mortified.

Would I do it? No.

If someone kindly cleaned my bathroom I’d be delighted. I’ve just gone back to work after maternity leave, I have 2 young children and I’m exhausted. I’d be absolutely fucking over the moon if someone else did it for me.

I voted yabu for that reason. She WAS unreasonable for cleaning it, but ultimately your husband should have 1) cleaned it before they turned up 2) not let her do it!!

Used sanitary products aren't meant to stay in an inside bin for days. That's dirty.

My mum constantly cleans things when she’s here. Wipes a spec of dust I’ve missed, and has cleaned the bathroom in the past.

I used to be offended, but now I just let her carry on. I’m no domestic goddess, so if she feels she can do better then crack on.

I understand how you feel as my MIL does the same. When I went back to work after my first Daughter, she would tidy while my Daughter slept. She did my bathroom a couple of times and went through my dirty washing and washed it all for me.

I was really offended and thought what a rude cow. She is also a very judgmental person, but she is also very kind and wants to help everyone.

I hate her the first few times but now I'm really pleased. Let her get on with it I say!

In fact I have no bins in my house.
That’s pure mental, though?

This thread is gold. Can’t decide whether my favourite madness is “no bins in the house” or the phrase “shine a light on her filth”. OP, you’ve really brought out the “I bleach my wheelie bin and wash my towels daily” crowd for this one, kudos. If it makes you feel better my bin is much worse than that and I forgot to clear it out for my kid’s birthday party. Guests using the bathroom to change a nappy will have seen my pregnancy test addiction in the bin

I’m team OP. But then I have a MIL who’s of the “no bins in the house” variety so if you need to change a tampon you have to wrap it in loo roll and bring it downstairs, then put your shoes on by the back door to take it out to the (bleached) wheelie bin, all while fighting off an untrained dog who wants to wrench it from your hand. I’d rather be at OP’s house dropping it in a grubby bin. Cos guess what bins are meant to be grubby.

I would go to her house with a bucket and mop and clean her bathroom.

I think the world is divided into 3 on this.

• women who see it as an invasion and personal slight on them.
• women who welcome someone else undertaking a chore in their house.
• men, for whom it just wouldn't register as a thought process either way.

You say your flat is kept clean and tidy, but then you go on to describe a bathroom that's the complete opposite 😳

I would be absolutely mortified if my MIL came and used my bathroom and there were used period products and condoms in there - bodily fluids start to smell pretty quickly - why would you just leave them in there for days on end? 🤢

I get that it's not nice to feel judged like that but part of me also thinks - well, don't leave your bathroom in such a state when you have guests coming over. If you didn't have time to clean it properly before you left, you could have at least got rid of all your old tampons, surely?

I recon she probably used the bin, was mortified on your behalf at the state of it, felt she had to cover her tracks by emptying the bin, and then gave everything a wipe to make it seem more plausible in context as to why the bin had been emptied. i.e. she was embarrassed for you and trying to spare your feelings.

A similar sort of thing happened with SIL. She was looking after her baby DGD and cleaned DNephew and his DWs kitchen.

They'd probably describe it as messy and have blamed it on lack of space the time we visited, but honestly it is disgusting with dirty dishes piled up all over the place and things laid out that shouldn't be and gunk on all the surfaces.

I'm certainly no clean freak, but I was itching to get it to a state of basic hygiene when I sae it.

Anyway DsIL cleaned it when looking after a 2 week old and was treated very frostily for a few weeks,

I demanded DH demand them back.

I would love her to come and clean my main bathroom. My MIL can be hard work but I’d invite her over more if she cleaned things.

The DC used some sort of Harry Potter bath bomb and now the bath is coated in swampy green substance. There are sunflower seeds all over the floor (something to do with the hamster). Tween DD has taken to using face masks, but hasn’t taken to cleaning the sink.

Nothing much in the bin though 😁

Maybe your husband secretly didn't mind her doing it & was grateful? I wouldn't have gone away all weekend & left used sanitary stuff in the bin, it can start to hum. I'm sure your mil wouldn't have invaded your privacy too much by rifling through that lot but just quickly emptied it.
You're really busy, the room needed a spritz so she did your son a good turn as he cooked lunch for her? Nasty woman. I'd just be grateful for the help if I was that busy!

Meh. I couldn’t be bothered to be bothered.

I don’t supposed she cleaned your bathroom to annoy you.

That bathroom bin sounds revolting btw.

I suspect she was trying to be helpful.

Lol most posters would be offended as they'd already paid their cleaner to do it my MIL used to do this . Lovely woman no longer with us. Wish she was here to annoy me again.

Agreed. What a very mumsnetty thread this is.

My mil would never do it but my mum would. It would come from a good place and it is true I don't have the same high standards as her at the moment. I wouldn't like it but maybe she knows what your usual standards are like, knew her son hadn't had the gumption to clean it so wanted to be nice and do it for you? Don't assume the worst.

Your bin must have stank. The stuff you describe as being in it, that bin needs emptied daily.

🤢

It's a tricky one. I recently deep cleaned MIL when we were house sitting for 2 weeks. It's bloody needed it! I was worried she would take it badly, as personally I would be mortified. But she was really grateful.

I'd be chuffed.

I bet she did it as you were away and her mind couldn't imagine her son cleaning the bathroom as it's no doubt your job. That said I would love people doing my housework though when round for dinner it is odd.

I wouldn’t like that either - it’s a passive way of criticising your house.

What did dh say when this was going on?