To be annoyed MIL cleaned the bathroom

[Clementinemist]

I went to a hen party over the weekend, and DH's parents popped round for a dinner while I was away. We keep our flat very clean and tidy. Our main bathroom wasn't dirty, but could have done with a light clean; probably some of my hair in the plug/around the shower, cabinet was a bit dusty, mirror needed a polish, a bit of limescale around the taps. I've just started a new job and an evening course, been really busy, and didn't have time to give it a once over before I left. (Just to note DH does his share of housework, I usually do the bathroom).

Anyway, MIL decided to thoroughly clean the bathroom while she was here. She emptied the bin which included my used tampons/sanitary towels, possibly condoms. I'm not awkward or uncomfortable about periods/sex or anything, but that's pretty personal. I'm a bit annoyed that she took it upon herself to clean my home, it's not like it was filthy, and has gone into my bin for no reason whatsoever. AIBU?

I would assume it's a power trip and wouldn't like it all you can say is please don't feel you have to. Definitely don't show your bothered she's more likely to lose interest.

Serves you right. Eeeew 🙃
Fair play to her. I would do it for my own daughter but yes that's intrusive. Maybe she just loves you like a daughter. ❤️💐

Agree with this. How skanky to leave a bin like that.

That bin 😖
Why don’t you just clean her bathroom to repay the favour when you next go round to her home?

I'm going away soon for a month with the family. My DM said she'll come over and clean my house when go so it's all tidy for when we get back after a 24 hour flight.

She said just concentrate on getting everyone packed, she'll tidy.

She's amazing my DM ♥️

Mind you, she managed to work mostly FT and keep her house super clean so I feel disappointed I don't have her ability desire to keep everything just perfect.

Unless there is a backstory here, your MIL behaved the way that I would hope all guests behave when I have given birth. She cooked, cleaned and took care of everything days after you gave birth so that you could rest and look after your baby. The part where you said: "including the cosy relationship they had - they spent hours out shopping and chatting together in the kitchen." What are you insinuating here? What an odd thing to say. I hope my son's don't marry someone who would judge them for having a nice relationship with me and would begrudge them talking to their parents.

I think I need to be clear here that I don't begrudge reasonable time spent with a parent. But when I say they spent hours chatting together, I'm not exaggerating. They spent hours, and they excluded me. They would huddle in the kitchen when I was in the sitting room and when I moved to the kitchen they would fall silent and then move to the sitting room, or decide they needed to go out shopping and give no expected time of return. There were no mobile phones back in the early 90s so if I needed help with anything, too bad. It doesn't take four hours to buy half a dozen items in a nearby supermarket.

The backstory here is that exMIL was appalled by breastfeeding and was trying to get exH to talk me out of it. She managed to harass her own oldest DD into stopping after three months - SIL lived a few minutes away from exMIL by car but I was several hours away. When little 2 day old DD cried when I had just sat down (gingerly, because I had had an episiotomy and stitches) to the first dinner exMIL made, she barked at me not to go to her because she would end up spoiled, and exH sat there like a lump, completely silent. Cue whispering together after I left the table and fed DD.

A few years later I had an early miscarriage on Christmas Day while staying at the ILs' for the holiday and was told by the doctor who saw me at the crack of dawn to confirm the MC was underway to spend the day lying down as much as humanly possible, and head back to the emergency room if the bleeding and cramping got worse. exMIL grumbled and complained that I 'wouldn't' join the family around the dinner table until exFIL, who was a doctor, said quietly, 'Math needs to follow the orders of the doctor who saw her this morning'. exH never uttered a word.

This was never a question of a MIL who was being considerate.
I realised after a few years of exH never speaking up for me that he hadn't really developed his relationship with MIL beyond what it was when he was about 8.

I think the OP needs to address the fact that her H didn't step in to stop his mother.

Just depends.
If I went into someone's bathroom and it was grubby I might spritz the toilet with spray before I used it and if the sink is dusty, it takes 5mins to wipe after washing my hands.

I wouldn't however start moving stuff around the cupboard and looking in bins or cleaning a shower and floor.
But please God, empty your bathroom bin of used tampons etc.
Unless individually wrapped and sealed, that will stink.

I think you're probably just annoyed she's seen your grubby bathroom.
I'd expect your dh to have cleaned before she came over.
He's idle.

Would all the people here saying it's a lovely thing to empty someone else's bathroom bin and rearrange the items in your bathroom cabinet feel the love if a friend went to your bathroom and came out carrying the bin, and telling you she had decided to rearrange your stuff - your hemorrhoid cream, your thrush cream, the tampons, the wart medication, the stool softener, etc...

I doubt she rummaged through the bin contents!!! I imagine she just tipped it into a larger bin

I'd be delighted

If this is the worst thing you can think of about your MIL to moan about, then you are a very lucky woman-a pretty filthy one, but a lucky one.

My parents would because they are helpful and anal. My ex MIL just to make me out to be slovenly and she is absolutely shit at cleaning. Would break stuff, put clothes conditioner on my clean floor, scratch my pans, chuck away my perfume boxes. So I used to have to hide stuff in the garage and try not to leave her too long in my house.

My best friends help clean and tidy when they stay sometimes and it is done to help me out.

Yeah my MIL does shit like this. Once she cleaned our flat while we were out and took away some “clutter” that was mainly my belongings INCLUDING MY DIARIES.

That’s s is such a strange response. The OP has described her MIL as nice. So on what basis would you assume her MIL’s actions to be a power trip ?

Well she didn’t ‘go into’ your bin, she just emptied it, so probably didn’t inspect the contents. But I think yanbu to feel uncomfortable with this. It’s the kind of thing my mum would do. Comes from a good place, and is something they instinctively want to do to help, but somehow crosses a line.

OMG! What did you do then?

Your definition of clean isn't mine. 'Very clean and tidy'. Your bathroom wasn't clean at all.
And the condoms left is beyond grim, and will have started to smell.

YABU! Say thank you!

This. The OP’s attempt to demonstrate how intrusive her MIL’s actions were by describing the objects in the bin has kind of backfired , shining a light on her filth.

Bathroom doesn’t sound grim or filthy at all
to me, just a normal bathroom which, like many, could do with a clean. If MIL ‘popped’ round perhaps there wasn’t much notice to give it a once over. OP, given your feelings, I think it’s worth trying to convey tactfully that there’s no need for her to do this again.

It wasn't overstepping if her son was there saying 'yes please.'

Maybe she said she was going to the loo and he apologised for the state of it, or said you'd been too busy to clean it, so she offered.

Either way, if I visited my dd and ended up cleaning her bathroom, with her permission, I wouldn't expect my son-in-law to be annoyed with me about it.

I am sorry and I take back what I said. She sounds horrible and I wouldn't have wanted her around me/in my house either. I am glad that your MIL is now your EXMIL.

I can't believe you would pull your adult son up about this. If you did, I would not be surprised if they told you to bugger off.

If you weren't there, the bathroom was probably messier than you left.

A bin full of condoms and sanitary products and limescale around taps don't equate to the cleanliness levels you claim exist. There may have well being a smell you've grown accustomed to that isn't pleasant for guests.

Could you say to her that you'll return the favour and clean her bathroom next time you're round there for dinner? See how she likes it.

I can imagine the back story, MIL comes around for dinner, uses the bathroom, says to her DS, I can clean the bathroom if you like, yes please mum, OP didn’t get the chance to before going away. No need for a dramatic reaction. She was trying to help.