To be annoyed MIL cleaned the bathroom

[Clementinemist]

I went to a hen party over the weekend, and DH's parents popped round for a dinner while I was away. We keep our flat very clean and tidy. Our main bathroom wasn't dirty, but could have done with a light clean; probably some of my hair in the plug/around the shower, cabinet was a bit dusty, mirror needed a polish, a bit of limescale around the taps. I've just started a new job and an evening course, been really busy, and didn't have time to give it a once over before I left. (Just to note DH does his share of housework, I usually do the bathroom).

Anyway, MIL decided to thoroughly clean the bathroom while she was here. She emptied the bin which included my used tampons/sanitary towels, possibly condoms. I'm not awkward or uncomfortable about periods/sex or anything, but that's pretty personal. I'm a bit annoyed that she took it upon herself to clean my home, it's not like it was filthy, and has gone into my bin for no reason whatsoever. AIBU?

If DP was smart he'd have claimed he did it to help OP out

Haha Ihatethenewlook

OP it depends on the relationship you have with your MIL. Is she usually a bit sniffy/critical about your house or other things in your life?

If my MIL did this, I’d know it was coming from a kind and loving place, to be helpful. But if it was my mother, it would definitely be passive-aggressive and wind me up (she’s the sort to comment about housework, run her fingers along my mirrors to check for dust, etc).

So DH had guests coming and didn't clean the bathroom or even just empty the skanky bin because it's your job? He told her you didn't have time?

Semen and menstrual blood don't have a long shelf life, surely the bin was honking after 24 hours? You husband should have emptied it as a curtesy to your guest.
My MIL in law doesn't care for housework under any circumstances, but still gets it wrong the majority of the time.

Why would you do this? Surely it would be none of your business and very rude when you had been invited round for dinner.

😱😱😱😱

Oh I would hate this!!!

I knew you’d get loads of responses on here saying lucky you, can she come and do mine.

But I’d feel the same as you. It’s judgemental and overbearing to do that.

This.
My opinions would be: can she come round every day? And: leaving sanitary towels and used condoms in a bin is minging.

If anyone is in the wrong here, it’s your lazy DH. He should have cleaned the main bathroom, which I presume is also the guest bathroom, before guests arrived.

Leaving a bin full of offensive, unhygienic waste is frankly, rank. Imagine chucking something in there yourself and being exposed to all kind of odours 🤮 that is not aimed at you by the way. Totally at your DH.

Both of my (rather lovely) in laws are do ers. They cannot sit still, they have to be tidying, cleaning or fixing. I’ve had to get used to it. Mil doesn’t even like being cooked for, she wants to be involved, which does sometimes irritate as I love to host guests in my own home. But, it comes
from a good place, so I let them get on with it. Most of the time. Sometimes I put my foot down and let it be known that I’m hosting! she doesn’t like it but the old MN saying is right, ‘your house, your rules’...

I’d have left your home very disappointed that my son and his partner were so grubby

Some limescale and a cabinet that needs dusting/mirror in need of a polish is hardly ‘so grubby’.

The bathroom bin, sorry but I can't get over it. Why would you leave such dirty/smelly items for so long? I don't have a bathroom bin as the smell/germs are horrific. In fact I have no bins in my house.

No bins? If you ever have visitors they are carrying used sanitary products around your house, wrapped in loo roll, worrying about what do with them.

We are talking about the homeowner’s own menstrual blood, not toxic waste.

I used to hate my MIL coming round when I wasn't here as she would do the same and I felt judged.
But, since I've got older and work has basically taken me hostage and I have zero time for anything I now don't care. She can come round and clean as much as she wants.
Learn to accept a kind gesture. It's saved you a job and she was probably entertaining herself by doing something constructive that would help the pair of you. It's not like she went through your knicker drawer giving it a tidy.

Such horror over used tampons.

So your MIL popped round for dinner and I'm assuming your dh was there when she started cleaning so the issue is him not her.

He should have said no thank you.
See I think if it were your own mother you'd probably think it was great she was helping. If op's mother had done it he may have gone to OP saying what she said! My mil would probably have done some of wh as t you've said (the bin thing probably not). When we didn't get on as well I would have had an issue, now I'd thank her!!! (And now I'd be really thrilled as health wise she can't do this kind of stuff now, not a guilt trip but I miss her activity and she definitely tidied whilst over for a tea which I'll probably do when my kids are older too!!) Basically depends whether it came from a good place

My mum does this sort. She likes cleaning/gets bored and thinks she’s doing a nice thing. I don’t take it as judgmental and just a kind gesture - I cook her lovely meals in return 🙂

Overall think it’s the relationship you have. Maybe she thought “just started a new job, probably really tired, I’ll just give this a quick go over as that’ll be nice” vs something else.

I don't have a problem with the tampon. But, Condoms stink. I know for a fact, as recently Ds1 left one, by mistake. It was beyond grim, quickly.

Ah, I remember the days when my MIL would passively aggressively clean my house.

She stopped when I started leaving her instructions...

Yanbu, it feels like a comment about you, if she felt any need to critique the flat she could have told her son that he needs to pick up the slack when his partner is ramping up work for a but

She was not asked to, she didn't offer and was not at a loose end - eg pet sitting or baby sitting and FA to do in the evening.

In fact I have no bins in my house

yeah, that’s just batshit

For all the posters who think it is an okay thing to do, can you explain why it is okay to open the bathroom cabinet and rearrange things. Why was there any need to go into the cabinet at all?

Would it be okay to rearrange the wardrobe, kitchen cupboards whilst she was there as well?

Next time you go to someone’s house you try this and see how they like it.

And why is it only women who do this?

Does she want to come stay at my house? That sounds amazing.

@Sexnotgender so would you do that in someone else’s house when you had popped round for dinner?

My mum does things like this, she’s trying to be helpful and make herself useful rather than it coming from any place of judgement.
She likes to feel like she has helped us on a visit or made our lives a bit easier.

I cleaned my mums kitchen and bathroom last week when I stayed with her. I wasn’t trying to suggest it was filthy, just saving her a job.