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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed MIL cleaned the bathroom

421 replies

Clementinemist · 06/05/2022 00:14

I went to a hen party over the weekend, and DH's parents popped round for a dinner while I was away. We keep our flat very clean and tidy. Our main bathroom wasn't dirty, but could have done with a light clean; probably some of my hair in the plug/around the shower, cabinet was a bit dusty, mirror needed a polish, a bit of limescale around the taps. I've just started a new job and an evening course, been really busy, and didn't have time to give it a once over before I left. (Just to note DH does his share of housework, I usually do the bathroom).

Anyway, MIL decided to thoroughly clean the bathroom while she was here. She emptied the bin which included my used tampons/sanitary towels, possibly condoms. I'm not awkward or uncomfortable about periods/sex or anything, but that's pretty personal. I'm a bit annoyed that she took it upon herself to clean my home, it's not like it was filthy, and has gone into my bin for no reason whatsoever. AIBU?

OP posts:
toomuchlaundry · 08/05/2022 06:27

@NoCleverNickname biohazard is a bit extreme!

Helping someone is only helpful if they wanted your help. So you might think you are being helpful but you really aren’t

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 08/05/2022 06:35

@NoCleverNickname Saying you're not judging whilst declaring 'biohazard '! 😂

Vikinga · 08/05/2022 06:45

NoCleverNickname · 08/05/2022 01:56

This whole thread reminds me of when, after I had redecorated my lounge and had a new suite delivered, I had taken some pictures to work.

Everyone kept saying "wow, your house is so clean" and by the time the fifth person said it, I was quite paranoid. Luckily this person was also a good friend so after she also made a comment, I told her that everyone had been saying this and asked her if people thought I lived in sh1t. Well, she roared with laughter, because my poor little neurodiverse brain really thought that but she explained that people usually say that when their houses aren't quite the same!

I just like cleaning and seeing the results which are immediate!

With regard to the bathroom bin and the tampons and condoms. I doubt very much that MIL raked through the bin, she probably saw that it was full and needed emptying.

Two of my children that still live at home have periods and they have to put their used sanitary products outside immediately. I also buy them scented nappy bags to put the products in before they throw them away.

I think to be having menstrual blood and seminal fluids in the bin for 5 days is way too long and also a biohazard.

I get that the bin has a lid, but if it's the only bathroom in the apartment and guests have to use it, then I'm sure it would be quite simple for either you or DH to put your rubbish in the bins on the way out to work in the mornings.

If I went to someone's house and had to put something in the bathroom bin and saw used sanitary products and condoms in the bin, I would also take the bag out, tie it up and ask where the outside bin is. Because it's a biohazard. I'm not knocking the OP, I would just worry about that from a clinical point of view.

Also to add, I've never had anyone take my tidying up of their home in a bad way. Possibly because my friends all know what I'm like by now but also because it's not a judgement, it's to help that person.

So to make it even more wasteful, you wrap them in nappy bags?? Wtf?
I and my daughter put sanpro in the bins and empty the bins when needed and it isn't every day - usually when I clean or the bins are full. What do you mean by bio hazard?? Menstrual blood has some sort of fumes that leak into the air and attacks you?

Blarting · 08/05/2022 08:43

Mollymoo67 · 07/05/2022 21:35

I think those who are throwing up their hands in horror at the contents of the bathroom bin are missing the point. Yes, ideally it would have been emptied before the ILs visited, but its contents are nobody's business except the OP's and her DH's. MIL would never have been any the wiser about them if she hadn't been overstepping.

I'd hazard a guess that some of those who think the OP should be grateful the MIL 'did a nice thing' are MILs themselves and would do the same thing.

What about if she needed to use the bathroom bin? The loo roll had finished and she wanted to throw the empty one away? Would that be over stepping? She would've seen the contents then?

Anyway OP has been back, got angry with people saying she is BU, flounced off again and I don't think she'll be back.

stuntbubbles · 08/05/2022 08:57

What about if she needed to use the bathroom bin? The loo roll had finished and she wanted to throw the empty one away? Would that be over stepping? She would've seen the contents then?
Take the empty loo roll to the kitchen or wherever OP and her husband keep the recycling? She’d have seen the contents of the bin had she needed to use it, yes, and that’s not overstepping; but deciding to deal with the contents is overstepping. It’s like flipping someone’s loo roll from front hanging to back because you think it’s better, or rearranging their bookshelves because you think they’ve categorised them wrong.

Original poster
Clementinemist · 08/05/2022 10:04

Blarting · 08/05/2022 08:43

What about if she needed to use the bathroom bin? The loo roll had finished and she wanted to throw the empty one away? Would that be over stepping? She would've seen the contents then?

Anyway OP has been back, got angry with people saying she is BU, flounced off again and I don't think she'll be back.

Show quote history

Oh I'm back :) very much enjoying the escalation to 'biohazard.'

A lot of things seem to have been presumed/made up as this thread has moved on, so taking it with a pinch of salt. I've said several times the bin wasn't full at all. The bathroom genuinely wasn't dirty. I've been to people's houses with actually dirty bathrooms, trust me. I didn't know MIL or anyone would be coming round the weekend I was away otherwise I'd have given everything a once over, or asked DP to. This thread wasn't about my bin contents, it was about whether my MIL should have started cleaning my bathroom (and throwing away my things) when she came over for dinner.

OP posts:
Winecrispschocolatecats · 08/05/2022 11:48

I'd find this both intrusive and judgemental. Fortunately my MIL doesn't give two hoots about housework and does the bare minimum in hers to meet basic hygiene standards, so it isn't anything I need to worry about 😂

girlmom21 · 08/05/2022 12:00

This thread wasn't about my bin contents, it was about whether my MIL should have started cleaning my bathroom (and throwing away my things) when she came over for dinner.

Well what actually happened? Did DP ask her to? Did she offer and he said yes? Did she just do it?

Did he then tell you she'd done it or did she? If it was him, why did he tell you?

NoCleverNickname · 08/05/2022 12:59

@NoToLandfill Blood is a biohazard simply because it's a bodily fluid.

@mathanxiety No, my friends don't mind and I often get invited around to their houses. I guess we've all known each other so long, we are comfortable. Plus I wouldn't be invasive and look through drawers or cupboards unless it was the kitchen, scullery or laundry.

To put minds at rest, I buy biodegradable nappy sacks as in my country, we take marine life very seriously and are aware of plastics in the ocean etc., so please do not think I'm contributing. Plus one of the people who has periods has been using period briefs during the day, that I bought for them a few months ago.

newnamethanks · 08/05/2022 13:14

Send her to me, please, my bathroom could do with a proper scrub. I will be thrilled and grateful.

nokitchen · 08/05/2022 13:19

My daughter did mine a couple of weeks ago. I was delighted. What a treat. I know she reads MN so Abbie if you see this bring your marigolds tomorrow

YayitisfinallySpring · 08/05/2022 13:22

My 10 year old DGD cleaned mine yesterday. Apparently her standards are higher than mine. She really enjoyed doing it. 😂

Bobbins36 · 08/05/2022 13:24

She was properly overstepping and your DH should have told her not to. I’d be furious.

AnnieSnap · 08/05/2022 17:05

Honestly, I’d just see it as a kindness if she is usually a nice person. After all, she’ll know how busy you are. A older woman wouldn’t be phased by sanitary wear and condoms. She’ll be very familiar with such things. I wish someone would do mine!

Blarting · 08/05/2022 18:25

A lot of things seem to have been presumed/made up as this thread has moved on, so taking it with a pinch of salt. I've said several times the bin wasn't full at all. The bathroom genuinely wasn't dirty. I've been to people's houses with actually dirty bathrooms, trust me. I didn't know MIL or anyone would be coming round the weekend I was away otherwise I'd have given everything a once over, or asked DP to. This thread wasn't about my bin contents, it was about whether my MIL should have started cleaning my bathroom (and throwing away my things) when she came over for dinner.

She was saving you a job and it's not your bathroom, you share it with your DH! He's as entitled to have an opinion as you are. He was happy with it, so your not being happy with it doesn't trump him.

toomuchlaundry · 08/05/2022 18:31

@Blarting but the MiL threw something of the OP’s away which was in the bathroom cabinet, so I think her not being happy about it does trump her DH’s feelings

Iamnotokifyouarenotok · 08/05/2022 18:31

HN RTFT but I think you are more concerned about the contents of your bin than the fact she cleaned your bathroom!
It is pretty disgusting having used tampons in the bin …it must have been quite smelly TBH !

BellaVita · 08/05/2022 18:46

I do this sort of thing for my son and his partner all the time 🙄.

Whilst I do work full time, they both have two jobs (saving for a mortgage), so if I can help in any small way I will.

I have asked if they mind and both have said no.

DIL sent a text to DS last week whilst he was still at work saying “your mum has been” with a smiley face.

Blarting · 08/05/2022 19:02

toomuchlaundry · 08/05/2022 18:31

@Blarting but the MiL threw something of the OP’s away which was in the bathroom cabinet, so I think her not being happy about it does trump her DH’s feelings

But that wasn't known on her first whinging post! She was angry way before that and it was a drip feed later when she was being handed her arse on a plate!

Blarting · 08/05/2022 19:04

toomuchlaundry · 08/05/2022 18:31

@Blarting but the MiL threw something of the OP’s away which was in the bathroom cabinet, so I think her not being happy about it does trump her DH’s feelings

Sorry to be clear even OP didn't know that when she first posted, so her feelings do not trump her DHs!

mycatisannoying · 08/05/2022 21:56

It does feel like overstepping, OP.
I wouldn't mind it from my own mum, but wouldn't like it from a non-blood relative!

Stressedout65 · 08/05/2022 23:54

@Clementinemist
How much of the stuff is your husband producing to become a bio hazard 😂

me109f · 09/05/2022 02:30

Sometimes if you are left in a house with nothing really to do, you turn to a bit of cleaning, particularly if you see a mess.
I have been known to thoroughly clean kitchens because it can be interesting in someone elses house. I do it only if it is chaotic, and I see myself as doing a favour.
If offence is taken, tough titty, it is a disgrace to have someone in your house if it is a slum.

Scurryfunge12 · 09/05/2022 03:38

The bin will have stank! No wonder she emptied it for a start.

whydoesthedog · 09/05/2022 05:11

This thread has been a very entertaining bun fight. Between this and the jizz thread it doesn't get any more entertaining.

She didn't happen to change your sheets while she was there and find them covered in jizz did she? And do you use a mattress protector?

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