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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My husband won't tell me who he voted for today?

339 replies

FreeFlowersForAll · 05/05/2022 23:25

AIBU?

I spoiled my ballot.

My husband won't tell me who he voted for, and he's annoyed that I keep asking? Surely this is the kind of info that should be shared between a man and wife?

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 05/05/2022 23:26

Are you likely to argue with him about it? That’s probably why he didn’t tell you

Lunar27 · 05/05/2022 23:27

If it's going to cause a potential argument then YABU to ask.

We went as a family of 4. I didn't ask and is none of my business to know.

Heyisforhorses · 05/05/2022 23:28

It's his own business, I wouldn't even ask my partner unless it was beforehand to get some knowledge as he's more interested and balanced than I would be

HorribleHerstory · 05/05/2022 23:28

I don’t know who my partner voted for. I won’t tell anyone who I voted for. I never knew who my parents voted for.

oh and it’s man and woman, or husband and wife.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 05/05/2022 23:28

If he’s annoyed you keep asking, why DO you keep asking? Just because you want to know and that trumps anything else?

BattenburgDonkey · 05/05/2022 23:28

It’s none of your business, if he doesn’t want to tell you just leave him alone.

Bratnews · 05/05/2022 23:29

Nope I know who my husband voted for but have no need or want to tell him who I voted for and wouldn’t tell him if he asked - he wouldn’t agree and I don’t feel any need to explain my choice. I’d be annoyed if he kept asking me to tell him.

ObjectionHearsay · 05/05/2022 23:30

I've never asked anyone family/spouse who they have voted for. It's a private ballot for a reason and who needs an argument at 8:30pm outside the polling station 🤣

Leave him be, it's genuinely his right to have a private ballot.

Aquamarine1029 · 05/05/2022 23:30

Who he voted for is none of your business, and you being married to him is irrelevant. He is entitled to make his own choice, privately, and you are not entitled to know what that choice is.

Mumwantingtogetitright · 05/05/2022 23:30

I think you will get lots of people saying that he doesn't have to tell you, that it's a secret ballot etc. And of course, they are right, but personally, I agree with you. This is definitely the kind of information that I would expect husbands and wives to share, and I would be fucking annoyed if my DH refused to tell me.

Given that you spoiled your ballot paper, I assume that you didn't feel that any of the options were worth voting for. Is it possible that he thinks you will disapprove of his choice and give him a hard time for it?

AnotherTroyforHertoBurn · 05/05/2022 23:31

You clearly haven't heard of the secrecy of the ballot box.

In 1872, the Secret Ballot Act was passed by Parliament. As a result of the 1872 Act, every elector is entitled to mark the ballot paper without being seen by anyone else, and there are safeguards against tampering with ballot papers after they have been cast.

Justmuddlingalong · 05/05/2022 23:32

DP asked me if I'd voted. I told him I had and that was the end of the conversation. Both he and I know, understand and accept that it's really nobody elses business. You spoiling your ballot and sharing that information with him is your choice. Him keeping shtum is his.

Plutoisaplanet · 05/05/2022 23:32

Any political affiliation is private unless the person themselves chooses to divulge this info. Drilled into me from a very early age.

MorrisZapp · 05/05/2022 23:40

Blimey. How the other half live. I grew up knowing not only who my parents voted for but exactly why. We cracked champagne on Portillo night, it was the first GE I'd voted in. We had posters on the walls and in the windows. Both parents wore badges too 😂

Obviously the ballot box is private but it's your husband, not the greengrocer. I'd feel really weird if DP didn't tell me who he voted for.

Don't people usually just chat about this stuff?

wobytide · 05/05/2022 23:40

Will be fairly obvious who he voted for if he isn't willing to admit it. Anyone voting away from the norm will probably want to explain " why" when asked

Chilledchablis1 · 05/05/2022 23:42

His vote is between him and the ballot box. I have no idea who DH voted for but I do know it wouldn’t be the same as me !

Jellycatspyjamas · 05/05/2022 23:43

It’s a secret ballot for a reason, if he doesn’t want to tell you that’s his right. My DH and I discuss politics a lot but I don’t know who he voted for a vice versa.

LakieLady · 05/05/2022 23:46

MorrisZapp · 05/05/2022 23:40

Blimey. How the other half live. I grew up knowing not only who my parents voted for but exactly why. We cracked champagne on Portillo night, it was the first GE I'd voted in. We had posters on the walls and in the windows. Both parents wore badges too 😂

Obviously the ballot box is private but it's your husband, not the greengrocer. I'd feel really weird if DP didn't tell me who he voted for.

Don't people usually just chat about this stuff?

I grew up in a politically motivated family, too, and I feel the same @MorrisZapp .

I am very political, and would never enter into a relationship with someone whose political views were the opposite of my own. And there was much cheering in my house on Portillo night too (and from many other houses along my road too.)

caringcarer · 05/05/2022 23:46

I don't see why it is a problem for you. It is a private ballot. He does not have to tell you. I did not ask my DH who he voted for and he did not ask me. I suspect he voted for same party he usually votes for as did I. Stop pestering him or you will just cause an unnecessary argument.

Justanotherlurker · 05/05/2022 23:46

He probably understood the pretext of you asking, If you are prepared to critically think through the situation of why someone would vote (considering you spoiled your ballot) or vote differnetly to how you would, you wouldn't really be asking on a forum if you are that politically aware.

MadMadMadamMim · 05/05/2022 23:46

I think you are being unreasonable for the act of 'spoiling your ballot' personally.

It's a ridiculous waste of time and no one will give a shit. After what people went through to get the vote then this type of princessy flouncing is just silly.

You didn't bother to vote, basically. Your choice. But it doesn't gain you the moral high ground in any way and certainly doesn't make you superior to your DH or give you the right to know how he voted.

PlasticineMeg · 05/05/2022 23:47

I didn’t ask and I didn’t share either.

id tell DH to fuck off if he demanded to know who I voted for. What difference does it make? If you’re together and happy it’s because you like each other as people, voting choice and all.

HorribleHerstory · 05/05/2022 23:47

MorrisZapp · 05/05/2022 23:40

Blimey. How the other half live. I grew up knowing not only who my parents voted for but exactly why. We cracked champagne on Portillo night, it was the first GE I'd voted in. We had posters on the walls and in the windows. Both parents wore badges too 😂

Obviously the ballot box is private but it's your husband, not the greengrocer. I'd feel really weird if DP didn't tell me who he voted for.

Don't people usually just chat about this stuff?

What other half do you suppose I’m part of?

I was raised to never discuss salary or politics. Hence I never knew how my parents voted or what they earned. They were dead before it really became an issue but I don’t know how my partner votes nor what he earns nor would I ask my friends (or divulge my own)

PlasticineMeg · 05/05/2022 23:49

MadMadMadamMim · 05/05/2022 23:46

I think you are being unreasonable for the act of 'spoiling your ballot' personally.

It's a ridiculous waste of time and no one will give a shit. After what people went through to get the vote then this type of princessy flouncing is just silly.

You didn't bother to vote, basically. Your choice. But it doesn't gain you the moral high ground in any way and certainly doesn't make you superior to your DH or give you the right to know how he voted.

I completely agree with this.

I used to work in the counts, and nothing special happens with a spoiled vote. No one goes “WOW, this is clearly an amazing person, brava, thank you for making that valid point, and I’ll be sure to pass your message on that you’ve wrote to the relevancy political party.

either vote or don’t but what a pointless waste of time spoiling a ballot

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 05/05/2022 23:49

MorrisZapp · 05/05/2022 23:40

Blimey. How the other half live. I grew up knowing not only who my parents voted for but exactly why. We cracked champagne on Portillo night, it was the first GE I'd voted in. We had posters on the walls and in the windows. Both parents wore badges too 😂

Obviously the ballot box is private but it's your husband, not the greengrocer. I'd feel really weird if DP didn't tell me who he voted for.

Don't people usually just chat about this stuff?

In other words, ‘My life was a certain way, so surely everyone else’s should be too and anything else is weird!!’

I knew who my parents voted for too. They probably have a good idea who I vote for. That doesn’t mean they, or anyone else else, has the right to know.