My husband won't tell me who he voted for today?

[FreeFlowersForAll]

AIBU?

I spoiled my ballot.

My husband won't tell me who he voted for, and he's annoyed that I keep asking? Surely this is the kind of info that should be shared between a man and wife?

A spoiled ballot shows you are engaged enough to vote whilst also feeling unrepresented by the candidates. A high proportion of spoiled ballots is notable. A high proportion of non-voters is expected

But the fact of the matter is that the assumption will be that those who spoiled their ballots were too thick to know how to vote properly. If you want to show you feel unrepresented by the candidate, you should stand for election yourself.

Me too. I would know a potential partner's political allegiance long before I ever contemplated entering into a committed relationship with them.

I know almost all my friends' voting inclinations too, now I come to think about it, including the one who doesn't vote "because they're all the same".

"Wanker"? Your household is a lot more polite than mine. 😆

Absolutely it’s private but I do think it’s weird not telling your other half how you voted. It’s the sort of thing that must come up in conversation.

DH and I always vote differently from political party to Brexit. We are similar in class but he’s more urban with arts based job whereas I’m from rural roots with a solid career in education. We disagree with each other but essentially both us know we like in country we just think there is different ways of doing it. It’s no big one.

I agree, I ended my first serious relationship decades ago because I realised I couldn't live with someone whose politics were so different from my own. As I've aged, it's become more, not less, important for me to be in political agreement with my spouse on the majority of topics.

My Mum has never told anyone who she votes for. I could guess who and certainly who not but nobody bar her knows as it’s nobody else’s business.

I find it odd that someone disengaged enough to spoil their paper cares enough who someone else votes for. By spoiling the paper you may as well have stayed at home.

I find it weird that you don’t know and he won’t tell you. But then I also find it weird when people are secretive about who they voted for generally and tend to assume they voted Tory/current further right party and are embarrassed about it.

Although my oh and I discuss politics all the time and I couldn’t be with someone where our views didn’t align so I would never be so in the dark as you seem to be.

I know who most people in my life voted for. If you’re embarrassed about it then you shouldn’t vote that way 🤷🏼‍♀️

A party rep turned up at my door last night about 8pm. The woman said ‘Oh, actually it’s your husband we’d like to talk to, we know you don’t vote for us, is he in’. I told them he’d already voted and she asked if I knew whether he’d voted for them and I said I had no idea. I thanked her for reminding me to go and vote! Also wondered how she knew I wouldn’t vote for them - I must have told them straight at some point and gone on their ‘don’t waste any time on this one’ list. Haha.

I know my husbands political leanings and everyone in my house is left in no doubt who I vote for (although had to vote tactically this time) but I wouldn’t then ask him to confirm to me who he’d voted for or ask him to tell this random woman,

Leave your husband in peace - presumably you do already know his views on society, welfare, health, education, environment, the economy, taxes etc.

another person who is surprised too, DH and I have somewhat but not wildly diff views and learn a lot from each other when deciding who we vote for. I like understanding what drives people in a certain direction, especially if they’re on the fence. If no one ever talked about it then the only info you’d have to go on would be the crap that MPs spout on TV.

as for spoiling ballot? It’s completely legitimate and if enough people did it, it would be a message to whoever won that they have a lot of work to do. Unfortunately our govt was not honest enough to acknowledge last time that the reason the won was because people hated Corbyn more than they hated Johnson. At least that was something Macron acknowledged when he won in France last week. We aren’t given much choice, so I think it’s perfectly reasonable to essentially say “none of the above”.

LTB, he clearly voted Tory 😉

I would expect he voted Tory. The 'hidden' Tory is a well recognised feature of opinion polls.

However, it is a secret ballot, and anyone should be able to keep it that way. Asking once fair enough, if the response is not to tell you, that should be the end of the conversation.

%Given that you spoiled your ballot, he probably thinks you will start an argument with him over whom he voted for.^

Exactly. However he voted would be wrong in your book!

DH asked who I voted for, I told him. I never vote for the Conservatives in a GE, but will vote for a Conservative candidate at local council elections, if I think they will do the job well.

Neither the counter nor the chief counter have time to appreciate whatever witty/sweary/obscene doodle is on the paper, so spoiling a ballot paper is just a waste of your time.

Some can give you a a bit of a laugh on a long boring day/night. The spoilt or ambiguous ballots are shown to candidates and agents to agree on decisions.

I dint know who dh or dd voted for nor do i care. I did my own vote and haven't said who I voted for either

Absolutely

Maybe he spoiled his too and was too embarrassed to say.

Why would you not share who you voted for? I’m proud of who I vote for - Labour. Unfortunately there weren’t any elections where I live yesterday.

It's private. I have been married over 30 years & we discuss politics and have broadly similar views. But we have never discussed/asked about who the other voted for. I could make an educated guess most of the time, but why should I? Just because a person is married doesn't mean there not still an individual with their own opinions.

Some of these replies are weird. If a Woman complained her partner wouldn't accept her refusal to name who she voted for and he kept pestering for an answer posters would be claiming abuse.

It really is a secret ballot and it is controlling of you to want to know. If he chooses to tell you that’s fine.

This.
People are getting a little fed up of the personal attacks.
You sound like hard work.

Because it’s nothing to do with anyone else.

people have just as much right not to share as they do to share. It’s an individual choice.

YABVU.You don't have the right to know how anyone votes. The more someone asks, the less likely you should tell them IMO; regardless of who they are, why are they so bothered? Don't cause the row they're no doubt spoiling for.

I don't specifically ask my DP. We are mostly politically aligned (dating must have for me) but he's entitled to privacy and his vote might change based on key policies or simply being unable to support a particular stance or manifesto. Just don't ask.

I think it’s super weird for a couple to not know/discuss who each one voted.

Also spoiling ballots. What a waste of time, the counters have to work quickly, they don’t have time to read your rantings, it just gets put away separately to check for definite spoiling then is chucked away. I always imagine ballot spoilers walking out of the booth, hands folded with a satisfied glow of superiority. In reality it’s just a waste of time and makes them look like a bit of a tit.

I’m betting the DH didn’t tell OP because she won’t respect his decision/yell. Probably on MN too much and would scream ‘but they don’t know what a woman is!!!!!’ if he’d have said he’d voted Labour.