My husband won't tell me who he voted for today?

[FreeFlowersForAll]

AIBU?

I spoiled my ballot.

My husband won't tell me who he voted for, and he's annoyed that I keep asking? Surely this is the kind of info that should be shared between a man and wife?

We voted in Northern Ireland today, a very important election for our local assembly. It's proportional representation so lots of candidates and vote 123 etc for as many as you want. My husband and I agreed between us who we'd vote for and in what order in an effort to vote strategically and maximise votes for moderate parties.

DH and I discuss politics but it's unbelievably rude to outright ask someone, even your partner, who they voted for.

Absolute tosh, if anything more people should spoil their ballot instead of opting for the most appealing dreg in the barrel. I would love to see a high turn out election where the majority spoiled their ballots.

Thanks for sucking up that sweet sweet Russian propaganda that’s been trying to bring down western democracies via voter disenfranchisement for a decade now. Bravo. Much bravery for opting out. Well done.

🙄

Given that you spoiled your ballot, he probably thinks you will start an argument with him over whom he voted for. Poor guy, looks like he is going to wind up in one regardless. If its annoying him, then stop behaving like a petulant kid and stop asking him. You are lucky he didn't lie to you and say that he spoiled his ballot too, just to shut you up.

YABU my parents have been married almost 50 years and my mum still never shared who she votes for.

Thanks for sucking up that sweet sweet Russian propaganda that’s been trying to bring down western democracies via voter disenfranchisement for a decade now. Bravo. Much bravery for opting out. Well done.

My granny used to talk about spoiling ballots instead of not voting. As a woman she felt strongly that we needed to show up. Even if the donkeys on the ballot were unelectable. Not entirely sure she was Russian, although my granddad's Polish so maybe. Stinking Ruskie spy my granny.

During the count spoiled or ambiguous ballot papers are put to one side by the individual counter and then shown to the chief counter for the ward who then makes a decision as to whether or not the ballot is spoiled. If spoiled it goes to a basket and spoiled votes are counted separately. Neither the counter nor the chief counter have time to appreciate whatever witty/sweary/obscene doodle is on the paper, so spoiling a ballot paper is just a waste of your time.

We have secret ballots for a reason, so people cannot be bullied or derided in any way for making an independent choice.

You don't need to know, it is not your concern and your dh sounds like he knows how to deal with your manipulative tendencies.

Voting is a personal choice. You don’t have a right to push someone for an answer.

He’s a secret Tory lol.

NOYB and YABU for spoiling your ballot paper. What a waste of time.

Must have voted Tory........
It's really weird and stupid that he won't tell you, though.

YABVU for spoiling your vote. That's help to neither man nor beast.
When we see the clamour for democracy in so many countries that shows contempt for the rights that you have here.

I've just got home from a vote count and I can tell you now that no one cares about spoilt votes. They go into a separate box and then all the candidates get to see them and agree they're spoiled. No one pays any attention to what's written on them... there was a bit of a laugh when the returning officer refused to read out the swear words on one but that's all.

I would have struggled to marry someone who's political values I didn't know. We talk openly about who we vote for.

I didn't realise not sharing this info with one's partner was a thing ! Don't you talk about political issues at home?

I mean, unless you never talk, wouldn’t you have a pretty good idea who he voted for? Yours seems a bit of a weird marriage.

I'd never ask DP who he voted for because that's private information unless he chooses to divulge it but I know him so I know who he's very likely to have voted for.

I find it really weird that couples wouldn't discuss that. Obviously each to their own, but that's strange (in my opinion).

‘I mean, when the news is on, who does your husband shout 'wanker' at? That would be a big clue’

OH shouts at everyone on the news, & the weather slot as well. He’s gone way past being a Big Clue 😉

Don't you know who he voted for, because you know him well enough to be able to tell? DH didn't need to tell me who he voted for and I didn't need to tell him, because it's clear what our opinions are from talking generally, watching the news etc. We aren't that political, but I still know his views.

Neither the counter nor the chief counter have time to appreciate whatever witty/sweary/obscene doodle is on the paper, so spoiling a ballot paper is just a waste of your time.

As someone who has been a counter many times, I always appreciated the witty/sweary/obscene doodle 😜 if they just spoiled it with a line, now that’s boring. A good spoiled paper would add some levity to a long count.

If he had any sense he’d just tell you what you want to hear as there’s no way to disprove it.

Good grief, don't you people allow yourcOHs any privacy? Why should you be told? One's vote is one of the last bastions of privacy in the country; we are cctv'd beyond belief, Alexa and similar gadgets record your conversations, you can track your OH or kids usingva phone app...
So give them a sodding break and keep your nose out of other's business

Thing is, OP spoiled her ballot so clearly only the same answer would do from her dh.

Spoiling the ballot is essentially not voting, and IMO if you don’t vote, then you can’t complain.

As for people demanding to know who someone voted for, there is currently a lot of campaigning going on, in fact there has been campaigning going on for years to gain people with a visual impairment the right to vote in private, something which doesn’t currently exist as someone has to go with you into the ballot box.

So for those people complaining that others are entitled to a secret ballot, thank yourselves lucky that you actually have that right.

For those reasons I have a postal vote,and my DS helps me fill it in. It still means I can’t vote entirely in secret, but I trust him over some random person in the poling station who I can’t possibly be sure they won’t point me to the wrong box on the paper.

YABU for coming on here to brag about spoiling your ballot, and dressing it up as another question.

I know how DH votes / voted but I wouldn’t cause an argument about it however he voted and I wouldn’t keep pestering him to tell me.
I haven’t told anyone else how I voted or asked them who they were voting for - it’s between them and the ballot box.