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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My husband won't tell me who he voted for today?

339 replies

FreeFlowersForAll · 05/05/2022 23:25

AIBU?

I spoiled my ballot.

My husband won't tell me who he voted for, and he's annoyed that I keep asking? Surely this is the kind of info that should be shared between a man and wife?

OP posts:
Valeriekat · 06/05/2022 07:41

MorrisZapp · 05/05/2022 23:40

Blimey. How the other half live. I grew up knowing not only who my parents voted for but exactly why. We cracked champagne on Portillo night, it was the first GE I'd voted in. We had posters on the walls and in the windows. Both parents wore badges too 😂

Obviously the ballot box is private but it's your husband, not the greengrocer. I'd feel really weird if DP didn't tell me who he voted for.

Don't people usually just chat about this stuff?

So you were indoctrinated by activists then?

diamondpony80 · 06/05/2022 07:42

I don’t know who my husband voted for. I do have an idea, but I didn’t ask as tbh it doesn’t really matter. I asked DS who he was voting for as it was his first time voting. He hesitated, so i immediately said it was fine, he didn’t have to say. It’s none of my business and I was just curious. We’re not a family that discusses politics so it makes no difference who anyone voted for.

BorisJohnsonatemyhampster · 06/05/2022 07:43

Oh and at least he voted. Ballot spoilers are no better than people who don’t bother to turn up to the polling station at all. It’s those two groups who are equally as responsible for Brexit as Leave voters.

yoshiblue · 06/05/2022 07:45

Agree with @BorisJohnsonatemyhampster I find it weird you wouldn't know, how politically inclined you are.

We aren't 'into politics' but discuss the news and the world around us, so as part of that talk about political parties. Certainly had discussions about Brexit and voting intention at the time too.

Mumwantingtogetitright · 06/05/2022 07:47

I was raised to never discuss salary or politics.

And I guess this explains why we end up with such crap politicians and so little proper accountability. If people are being raised to not talk about politics, even with those who are closest to them, then there is really very little hope for our democracy.

A healthy democracy relies on proper scrutiny and open discussion and debate. If politics is considered a taboo subject for many, to the extent that they can't even talk about it in their own families, then the result will almost certainly be a politically illiterate electorate who make ill-considered choices.

Politics is ultimately about values. It's astonishing to me that so many people care so little about the values of those who are close to them.

StoneofDestiny · 06/05/2022 07:48

Ballot paper spoiling is just the same as not voting at all. Not much to talk about.

Shinyandnew1 · 06/05/2022 07:50

I have never seen the number of spoiled votes shared. Nobody is interested. All anyone cares about is who got the most votes.

Everydayisabadhairday · 06/05/2022 07:52

Spoiling your ballot is a childish waste of time.

orangeisthenewpuce · 06/05/2022 07:52

I think this country was a better place when people didn't tell others who they voted for. Was sick of posts on FB and Twitter yesterday saying 'Vote ' like that was going to persuade others to vote for said political parties.

LagunaBubbles · 06/05/2022 07:54

Love all the pious "none of your business" replies, in real life I can't imagine any normal married couples not talking about it.

PurassicJark · 06/05/2022 07:56

MadMadMadamMim · 05/05/2022 23:46

I think you are being unreasonable for the act of 'spoiling your ballot' personally.

It's a ridiculous waste of time and no one will give a shit. After what people went through to get the vote then this type of princessy flouncing is just silly.

You didn't bother to vote, basically. Your choice. But it doesn't gain you the moral high ground in any way and certainly doesn't make you superior to your DH or give you the right to know how he voted.

This. Should have voted independent instead. That says more than not voting at all, because you haven't picked a party and they want you to. It's a vote against the parties.

I voted for the only two independents in my area. Refused to give the rest of the twats a number at all, they don't deserve it.

orangeisthenewpuce · 06/05/2022 07:57

Also my OH doesn't know who I'd voted for. He didn't ask and I didn't ask him. Not really interested tbh.

grapewines · 06/05/2022 07:57

MadMadMadamMim · 05/05/2022 23:46

I think you are being unreasonable for the act of 'spoiling your ballot' personally.

It's a ridiculous waste of time and no one will give a shit. After what people went through to get the vote then this type of princessy flouncing is just silly.

You didn't bother to vote, basically. Your choice. But it doesn't gain you the moral high ground in any way and certainly doesn't make you superior to your DH or give you the right to know how he voted.

Absolutely agree with all of this.

Sirzy · 06/05/2022 07:59

LagunaBubbles · 06/05/2022 07:54

Love all the pious "none of your business" replies, in real life I can't imagine any normal married couples not talking about it.

Well my parents have managed nearly 50 years happily married without my mum ever disclosing who she has voted for and my dad respecting that.

AverageJoan · 06/05/2022 08:00

MadMadMadamMim · 05/05/2022 23:46

I think you are being unreasonable for the act of 'spoiling your ballot' personally.

It's a ridiculous waste of time and no one will give a shit. After what people went through to get the vote then this type of princessy flouncing is just silly.

You didn't bother to vote, basically. Your choice. But it doesn't gain you the moral high ground in any way and certainly doesn't make you superior to your DH or give you the right to know how he voted.

100% this. As for him not telling you how he voted, it's none of your business.

queenMab99 · 06/05/2022 08:02

The secret ballot is secret for a reason, and everyone with any sense will understand why. The fact that some families share their views and votes is fine, but some people are living in relationships where pressure could be put on them to vote a certain way, or voting differently will cause arguments. If a partner wouldn't tell me how they voted, I would be looking at my own behaviour to check that I wasn't an argumentative controlling arse, and certainly wouldn't pester them for an answer.

Sirzy · 06/05/2022 08:02

And you can still discuss politics and views on key points without telling people which box you ticked.

even people with similar views on things may decide on the day to vote differently because of key factors in their lives at the time.

elizzza · 06/05/2022 08:06

Never had a problem telling anyone who I voted for because I’ve never been ashamed of my vote - have always voted in the interests of those less fortunate than me. All these people chatting about the secrecy of the ballot (you get that law was passed to stop political persecution, right? People being imprisoned because of their vote and such?) are 100% Tory voters who don’t want to admit they voted for this shitshow.

Testina · 06/05/2022 08:08

“Man and wife”
🙄

LeftFootForward · 06/05/2022 08:12

It's a secret ballot OP, that's the whole point. However, if I were your husband I'd have just told you what you wanted to hear and kept the truth to myself if it were different :)

hangrylady · 06/05/2022 08:12

It's weird he won't tell you, what's the big deal? YABU to say 'man and wife' though, its not the 1950s.

Tontostitis · 06/05/2022 08:12

If my dh voted Labour given their attitude to me I'd be very insulted and questioning our whole marriage luckily he loves me, his mother and daughters. You are entitled to feel the same or to loathe the Tories so much you'd rather spoil your ballot. You are not entitled to know who he voted for though, honestly it would really worry me if myself and dh couldn't at least discuss it.

nonevernotever · 06/05/2022 08:13

I'm in the your vote is private camp but Im surprised by the number of posters who equate that with not discussing politics/ not knowing your partner's views on issues etc etc. We discuss politics a lot. I could tell you my partner's views on most issues pretty accurately I suspect, but I still wouldn't dream of asking how he voted .

Cornettoninja · 06/05/2022 08:13

He might have voted Labour and not want to enter "Do they know what a woman is" discussion

this would be my first guess too.

OP, you don’t have any right to know how your husband has voted, he’s perfectly entitled to not want to get into a discussion about it with you.

if it’s bothering you figure out why that is. Is it because you feel uncomfortable in a relationship where your politics are potentially miles apart? Do you feel like he’s keeping secrets from you? Ultimately you need to figure it out because all the issues/potential solutions rest firmly in your lap, he’s not doing anything wrong.

Cakeandcardio · 06/05/2022 08:17

YABU to have spoiled your ballot. You had the chance to do something positive. He won't tell you because you've probably been going on a bit.