My husband won't tell me who he voted for today?

[FreeFlowersForAll]

AIBU?

I spoiled my ballot.

My husband won't tell me who he voted for, and he's annoyed that I keep asking? Surely this is the kind of info that should be shared between a man and wife?

You ought to be able o talk about this even if you disagree.
if your husband can discuss his political views with you even if they oppose yours YANU.
If your husband has reason to be concerned expressing political views with which you don’t agree YABU.

What does it matter if you disagree on what you call fundamental things? I'm in favour of private education, my OH isn't for instance. We have differing views on many many things. But I like that, I'd find it very bored if we agreed on everything.

What does it matter if you disagree on what you call fundamental things? I'm in favour of private education, my OH isn't for instance. We have differing views on many many things. But I like that, I'd find it very bored if we agreed on everything.

I agree that it would be boring if we agreed with our partners on everything - debate is good and healthy. But not agreeing on the fundamental things can be the cause of a lot of tension and potentially relationship breaking. I mean what do you do about your children's education if one if you is very pro private and one very anti? There is no compromise to be had there. If you disagreed on say private healthcare then ok, you each can do your own thing. You can't do that with your children's education? Even more so if one wants boarding and the other doesn't.
If you have different opinions about money - one believes in saving for the future, one lives for today and spends accordingly - that is more than a different opinion, it affects your lifestyle and relationship.
Back ti politics - I'd be ok if my DH voted for a different party but one more clisely aligned to my own views. However I'd struggle to have a relationship with someone who voted the polar opposite to me, as that would mean we had very different values.

It’s interesting that the couples that must vote the same way or it’s a “dealbreaker” are all Labour supporters and the couples that aren’t fussed how the other votes have at least one Tory voter.

I think that's your interpretation. It would be a deal breaker for me if DH voted for a right wing candidate but that doesn't necessarily mean I want him to vote the same way as me, or that I always vote Labour.

I don't think this is surprising. If you believe that politics is about fundamental values such as fairness, social justice, compassion for the more vulnerable people in our society, then a) you're much more likely to vote for a left wing party (not necessarily Labour), and b) you're much more likely to view the decision as a question of basic morality, so of course you're likely to care about whether your partner is a decent person or not.

If you see voting as more of a pragmatic decision about who is going to put more money in your pocket, then you might conclude that the Tories will benefit you more, but you wouldn't necessarily be bothered if your partner reached a different conclusion. Of course, there are ideological Tories as well, who believe that the poor and vulnerable should just get off their arses and work harder, but I don't think the majority of Tory voters really buy into that.

Perfect analysis of both sets of voters, imo.

And yes, DH and I don't always agree on how to vote and neither of us have a problem with this in the slightest, because our values are still aligned. Neither of us are committed to any one particular party, but we are both committed to a certain way of looking at the world and to what we think is right and wrong.

If DH suddenly decided that he wanted to vote Tory or for whatever name UKIP etc is now trading under, then that would be a different issue because it would suggest that our values had become fundamentally incompatible.

What I omitted to say was that there will of course be voters who choose left wing parties for pragmatic reasons as well, ie because they believe that they will be better off in that way. However, I don't think they're the ones saying that they couldn't accept it if their partners voted Tory.

The people who are most likely to be upset about a partner voting differently from themselves are the ones who see their vote as being about something bigger than themselves. Especially those who might be voting for a party that might actually be contrary to their own self interest because they believe that it is for the greater good.

Meeting somebody who voted alternatively to myself? I doubt we would get off the starting block, unless he was decent looking and a ONS might be in order. 😎your political stance reflects your own outlook on life, so it's a massive issue. However, sure there will be plenty of times where couples don't see it as a deal breaker because their feelings supercede anything else.

Er, no, you're nosy. And he probably doesn't want to talk politics with someone so dense they think spoiling their ballot does anything. What a waste.

Between me and the ballot box. I never tell anyone who I vote for and never will.

It’s just the principle. It is supposed to be a secret ballot. Also, I do tend to vote for who most people who know me would expect me to vote for. But you never know, there may be circumstances in future where I might change my mind for various reasons so prefer never to discuss it.

I get the stereo types but you’d think the self serving Tory voters would be less tolerant of a partner that doesn’t agree with them. Like a Republican, But in fact they would appear to be more accepting of difference from the thread than Lib Dems or Labour.
As for putting money into your own pocket I have yet to met any of my leftie husbands well paid, arts based career mates do anything different to a Tory actually. Private school, investments, buy to let’s ..the list goes on.

The amount of intolerance ( on many things) from the “kind and decent” left is pretty much why I never vote for them .

The electoral system of England & Wales is built upon the Chartist principles that include a SECRET ballot. It's a fundamental of our system.

If he chose to tell you, he has the right, but you are given no rights over and and above those enshrined in Law due to marriage. And why should he choose tell you when you wasted your vote - something that people have literally died to ensure was available?

You'll just have to wonder forever more.

But somebody does indeed ' give a shit' . The number of votes spoilt by feminists made the news in Wales. Of course parties are aware of the votes they should have had if they weren't sexist. Like Mike Tapp who blocks GC feminists who disagree with him. He lost by four votes.