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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS Bullied By Child with SEN

446 replies

ellie21 · 03/05/2022 21:11

My son who is at a mainstream Primary School is being bullied by another child who is undergoing assessment for ADD.
Initially this was low level bullying ( name calling etc) but has developed into threats of violence. In the last two weeks he has been physically assaulted three times by this child. The school have confirmed that this is one sided and is happening to other students too.
I have been into school a number of times to talk to staff and whereas they are sympathetic they say they have a duty of care to the child with SEN as he is struggling to cope at school.
AIBU to think that this is separate issue? I am absolutely furious my child is being hurt.

OP posts:
Danikm151 · 03/05/2022 21:12

They do have a duty of care to a child with SEN but they also have a duty of care to all their pupils.
if this is a pattern they need to have a plan in place to prevent this happening. It’s not fair on the children getting hurt

PumpkinsandKittens · 03/05/2022 21:13

I had the same issue with my child at school being bullied by a child with sen threatening to punch him in the face, school weren’t interested and wouldn’t do anything about it, even when I walked past him with my son the boy was pointing at my son calling him stupid, didn’t get anywhere with the school.

AnneLovesGilbert · 03/05/2022 21:14

They have a duty of care to all of the children. I’d keep him off till I was sure of their plan to keep him safe. What’s their bullying policy? Are they following it?

Original poster
ellie21 · 03/05/2022 21:15

Thank you. When I speak to them they say they are dealing with things sensitively due to the needs of the other child. I feel the needs of my child are being taken less seriously.

OP posts:
1940s · 03/05/2022 21:15

Three physical assaults in one week? Take to governors and tell school you'll call police the next physical assault

Original poster
ellie21 · 03/05/2022 21:15

I'm not sure of their bullying policy. Good point. I need to find out.

OP posts:
ihmlsnwidhks · 03/05/2022 21:16

Im a mum of a violent sen child at mainstream. What would you like to see?

Maytodecember · 03/05/2022 21:16

They have a duty of care to ALL children in their care, they can’t pick and choose.
id be having strong words with the school.

FairyCakeWings · 03/05/2022 21:17

Remind them that they also have a duty of care to your son who is struggling to remain unharmed at school.

Every time you go in, follow up with an email. Conversations can be forgotten and denied, emails provide evidence that this is an ongoing issue. They’re probably relying on you having sympathy with the child with SEN, but harsh as it sounds, that child isn’t your problem. It’s the schools problem, but no doubt they are struggling too. They need as much evidence as they can get that this child isn’t coping so that appropriate provision can be given, and your written complaints will help with that.

DeeCeeCherry · 03/05/2022 21:19

Remind school that they have a duty of care to your child too.

I had similar and went to the local authority Education Department, because school and governors werent listening.

They soon listened after that

AnneLovesGilbert · 03/05/2022 21:19

ihmlsnwidhks · 03/05/2022 21:16

Im a mum of a violent sen child at mainstream. What would you like to see?

To see her son attend school and come home every day without having been physically assaulted. Probably.

Freddiefox · 03/05/2022 21:20

You can do one of two things, talk to the school and raise an official safeguarding issue. They have a duty of care toward all the children. Find out what and who is putting in a plan to support you child and ensure your child is safe.

or tell your child to hit them back.

Original poster
ellie21 · 03/05/2022 21:20

Thank you. I think writing an email is a really good idea.
In response to the parent with a child with SEN I would like the child to be supported at school so he that he is happy and can cope.
I would also like to make sure he is not physically attacking other students.

OP posts:
1940s · 03/05/2022 21:20

ihmlsnwidhks · 03/05/2022 21:16

Im a mum of a violent sen child at mainstream. What would you like to see?

That their own child can enjoy school without ever coming into contact of a violent assault. I'm sure you want that for your own child too?

Newrumpus · 03/05/2022 21:20

1940s - if you were to report this to the police, they would tell you to report it to school.

1940s · 03/05/2022 21:22

Newrumpus · 03/05/2022 21:20

1940s - if you were to report this to the police, they would tell you to report it to school.

I'd still do it so that at the very least a report was in the system and the school knew how serious I was. 3 physical assaults in one week is horrific and could seriously change the child's relationship with school / learning and damage their mental health.

ihmlsnwidhks · 03/05/2022 21:22

AnneLovesGilbert · 03/05/2022 21:19

To see her son attend school and come home every day without having been physically assaulted. Probably.

Show quote history

But how ? My child has a 1 to 1 and the violence still continues. What's the answer?

Original poster
ellie21 · 03/05/2022 21:25

This is mostly happening in PE lessons and at break. But this is also happening in lesson time. I would like the staff to deal with it then and there. I'd also like to make sure that there is supervision in place so that the violence does not escalate any further.

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 03/05/2022 21:25

@ihmlsnwidhks Im a mum of a violent sen child at mainstream. What would you like to see?
Are you posing your questions rhetorically, or are you really looking for input?

bellac11 · 03/05/2022 21:27

The other child having SEN is somewhat irrelevant. Firstly are they telling you this about the child in assumption that this is the cause/contributor to their behaviour?

Secondly it may lead them to overlook that the child may be acting this way and its not due to his SEN

What actions have they taken, just because a child has SEN (which is a massively broad and quite unhelpful term) it doesnt mean that they shouldnt experience consequences necessarily.

Children need to be protected from violence whether at home, school or in the community no matter who is causing that.

TyrannosaurusRegina · 03/05/2022 21:27

ihmlsnwidhks · 03/05/2022 21:16

Im a mum of a violent sen child at mainstream. What would you like to see?

Personally I'd be taking my kid out of school if they persisted in bullying and physically assaulting other children and look into a school more suited to their needs. It would break my heart to know that other children were going into school terrified and being hit at the hands of my child.

bellac11 · 03/05/2022 21:30

ihmlsnwidhks · 03/05/2022 21:22

But how ? My child has a 1 to 1 and the violence still continues. What's the answer?

Show quote history

Remove the violent child Im afraid. One child's difficulties do not trump another's right to be safe and engage with education.
Some children may never be able to engage with parents/teachers/society without lashing out due to their needs but that doesnt mean that they can negatively affect others.

WhatsHoppening · 03/05/2022 21:30

ihmlsnwidhks · 03/05/2022 21:22

But how ? My child has a 1 to 1 and the violence still continues. What's the answer?

Show quote history

If that is the case and other children are regularly at risk of being injured then they shouldn’t be in school. It should be a place of safety for every child.

lunar1 · 03/05/2022 21:30

When you speak to school again, don't make it about the other child at all.

Focus completely on the fact that your child is being repeatedly harmed in their care, at an escalating rate.

Ask to see the log of incident reports with names of the other child redacted. Ask to see the plan of action to maintain your child's safety.

Don't let anyone make it about the other child, that's the school's responsibility to sort out. It's their headache and playing on your emotions over this isn't fair. If they try to do this, interrupt and say you don't want private and confidential information on another child, and bring it back, every single time to what they are going to do to keep your son safe.

There are absolutely no excuses for them knowingly letting him be harmed.

MandUs · 03/05/2022 21:33

My DC is in the same situation. Assaulted weekly by a child with SEN and the school can't cope. My DC has got anxious and depressed. He's been off school more than in it this term.

If a child with SEN is so violent that even a 1:1 can't stop it, then surely they aren't able to go to mainstream school but need to be placed somewhere where their needs are being met.

Children have a right to not be assaulted in school.