DS Bullied By Child with SEN

[ellie21]

My son who is at a mainstream Primary School is being bullied by another child who is undergoing assessment for ADD.
Initially this was low level bullying ( name calling etc) but has developed into threats of violence. In the last two weeks he has been physically assaulted three times by this child. The school have confirmed that this is one sided and is happening to other students too.
I have been into school a number of times to talk to staff and whereas they are sympathetic they say they have a duty of care to the child with SEN as he is struggling to cope at school.
AIBU to think that this is separate issue? I am absolutely furious my child is being hurt.

When the EHCP statutory requirements were relaxed, my LA issued a contract they wanted schools to get parents to consent to about reduced provision etc. It was utter nonsense, but it just showed where their priorities are. They never move so quick on anything beneficial to disabled children!

So well put. This is it exactly. And I think it's a really urgent matter for the government to address. The safety risk to pupils in particular, but everything else should be top of their list.
Make sure you all vote today!!

My son's special school was closed throughout both lockdown,s apart from to the most "vulnerable" although how you decide in a school full of children with complex disabilities,and every child has an EHCP is most vulnerable??
I'm guessing it waschildren where there may have been welfare concerns.

People saying things like "sen children need to learn to control themselves"
YOU LITERALLY HAVE NO CLUE ABOUT CHILDREN WITH SEN
Please do some research and educate yourselves

@Overthebow it's exactly the same. Person in a wheelchair is unable to /struggles to walk. A person with a neurological disorder such as asd does not process/react to things in the same way a person without one does. And they can not be taught to be 'normal' hence why they need adaptations/support/ sensory breaks etc to enable them to manage. If it's done properly then a child should not need to meltdown. A neurological disability is no less a condition than a physical one.

So how do you manage do restrain dc to drive?

I take it you’ve not read the full thread then or if you have you haven’t taken any notice of whst people have been saying about sen changes and the green paper and inadequate funding,Go ahead not caring as your the one going to be affected if your child is in mainstream. I don’t need to be bothered with it as mine is in specialist but I keep warning others if what is about to happen and things getting worse but go ahead not caring don’t say you weren’t warned

That's really dangerous to be fair, not sure of the answer but God forbid if you were in an accident- jeez.

I didn’t say a neurological disability is less a condition than a physical one, nor did I say everyone can be taught to be ‘normal’.

what I actually said was that regardless of the reason, it is not acceptable for someone to be injuring children. I agree that there should be processes in place to help, and more SEN support and schools available, but that doesn’t change the fact that it should not be tolerated for someone’s child to be injured by another child whilst attending school. Especially not multiple incidents.

So no, it’s not the same. As I said, the person in the wheelchair is not injuring others. If they were then that shouldn’t be tolerated either, but is a separate issue to the wheelchair. I wouldn’t expect someone in a wheelchair to just learn to walk, and I wouldn’t expect someone to learn to control their violence if SEN means they can’t. That doesn’t change the fact that they shouldn’t be put in a position where they can hurt others though, especially not in a school setting which should be a safe place for all children.

Whatafustercluck I was one of those that was shocked by your thread. Not because I don’t understand, believe me I do, but because your situation wasn’t safe and you needed to get a crelling harness instead.

I really don’t get the attitudes on here. If I was walking down the street and someone lashed out at me and injured me, or started attacking me, I wouldn’t care if they had SEN or not. I wouldn’t stand there thinking, oh they may have SEN so that’s ok I’ll put up with it. No, I’d get myself to safety and then go straight to the police and report it so hopefully they can’t hurt anyone else. So why is it ok for our children to put up with it? To be honest I’d do the same if someone was attacking my kid multiple times, I’d be reporting it to the police. I’d be absolutely horrified if another child attacked mine and injured them and would do everything I could to make sure it never happened again.

No-one on this entire thread has said that the kids just have to put up with it.
No they shouldn't have to put up with it and I'm quite sure every single child who has ever been hurt by a child with SEN has reported it to teachers/their parents or the parents have complained to school.

But the situation we are in is like being attacked on the street and then reporting it to the police and they say "sorry we don't have enough money to deal with it"

People aren't saying it's okay, are they? I don't think it's about people thinking they should 'get away with it', but that there isn't alternative provision for these children, so is it far to deny them an education? The cuts to education, and specifically to spend on SEN affect everyone, and everyone should be angry about it. It's a tricky situation as to which there's no real solution at the moment. It's unfair all round, yes of course children should be safe when at school, but the gov should be providing children with the provisions they need.

No one has said it is alright for a child to hurt another. What is being said is that support should be put in place not the child being locked away. Remember your child could be the attacking child. Would you want them locked away for life?

As I said earlier in this thread, my daughter was attacked daily by another child with very complex needs. Lots of bruises, a black eye, a bite that broke the skin and finally a broken arm. ( I removed her from school immediately after the broken arm after lots of broken 'promises' from the school.
I was actually told that my dd needed to build resilience.

However, having said all of that we cannot just remove children from school nor blame the parents. No one sends their child to school not caring if their child harms someone else.

Personally I blame the school. The pressure needs to come from them to get the right funding. Using 1:1 TA's in different areas should not be allowed. This is what allowed my daughter to get hurt.

This thread shows how divided we all are as parents. And that suits the Lea's and schools because while we argue amongst ourselves, we aren't arguing with them.

Utterly appalled at this thread. I had no clue. It's so shocking and I can entirely understand the entrenched and bitter positions on both sides.

There should be better, properly funded specialised provision for these children to protect themselves and others, and so they can benefit as much as possible from their time in school.

For those children who have uncontrollable violent outbursts, do meds not help? Or in some cases is it a question of them not being administered correctly ? Or maybe a case of seeing what works, and in the meantime things get worse?

to you all, on both sides of this. It is an appalling situation. I will look at the green paper.

Adhd medication is notoriously difficult to get prescribed and needs to have a diagnosis first , and nhs wait lists for assessments are around 2-3 years. But it can help in the right dosage etc.

There isn't any medication for autism.

There are obviously other conditions and disabilities but these are to be the main two that are known to cause meltdowns and outbursts that may result in violence.

so you wait years for diagnosis, and in the meantime presumably teenage hormones kick in as well. God.

And in the meantime- well it's obvious what is happening in mainstream school.

When you say there are no meds for autism, do you mean there is nothing available to enable the child to at least feel more comfortable in their skin or less prone to sensory over stimulation ?

What @blinkybilll said about the meds.

But a lot of the meltdowns/outbursts are caused due to a child being overwhelmed with information/sensory stimulus which could be avoided if there was a teacher available to take them to a safe space or perhaps if they were consistently learning in a calm environment. Or sometimes they might need some extra stimulation, some fresh air, a run around etc. it would need a skilled member of staff to notice when things were perhaps getting to this point and taking appropriate action.

Basically we need different learning environments for different children.

Anxiety medication can help some children with autism because the behaviours are due anxiety but should only be used alongside giving the right environment and support. Not usually given to younger children.

No there's no medication for autism, because it's a developmental disability that needs strategies to help manage the symptoms of it.

Medication might be available to help some more extreme or complex side effects such as seizures, insomnia, trouble focusing. But there's nothing specific to help with autism in general.

It really is an absolute shit show.

My friends son has been waiting three years for adhd assessments and is still waiting. It's just horrendous knowing how much kids are struggling and all they need is the right strategies/support/funding etc to help them thrive and therefore limit or stop the effects they can have on other kids.

Exactly this.

Anger needs to be directed at the people making these decisions and more needs to be done to push for better for all children.

Children with SEN deserve more. They can not be forced out or the education system they need to be integrated into mainstream school with personalised support or given a place in a more specialist setting if that's what they need.

Children without SEN deserve more. They should be able to go to school without the worry they another child might harm then.

I have a real issue with the parents on here who are talking about children with SEN in the most vile way, exclaiming they need to be removed from school, their parents are shit etc etc etc. So many not willing to see both sides and at least have some compassion and understanding while rightly prioritising their own child and their right to a safe education setting. It's a good job vulnerable children aren't relying on people like you.

This thread has really opened my eyes. In my anger and worry about my own child being attacked I honestly didn't factor in the other child who attacks. I didn't factor in the absolute nightmare it is for the parents of that child who are seeking help and getting nowhere. I didn't factor in that these parents DO care and care very much but they need to fight for their child too like I am fighting for mine. I didn't factor in that it is not a matter of sides and every family affected is fighting a war that cannot win until something changes.

I am glad this thread exists because it has educated me. it is very hard to see another side when your child is coming home injured and terrified and you tend to get defensive and blinkered. My frustration and judgement was directed in the wrong direction. When you know better, you do better.