DS Bullied By Child with SEN

[ellie21]

My son who is at a mainstream Primary School is being bullied by another child who is undergoing assessment for ADD.
Initially this was low level bullying ( name calling etc) but has developed into threats of violence. In the last two weeks he has been physically assaulted three times by this child. The school have confirmed that this is one sided and is happening to other students too.
I have been into school a number of times to talk to staff and whereas they are sympathetic they say they have a duty of care to the child with SEN as he is struggling to cope at school.
AIBU to think that this is separate issue? I am absolutely furious my child is being hurt.

Ask for a meeting, go in armed with copies of the bullying, discipline and safeguarding policies and talk through how they are operating those policies and how they will keep your child safe. Emphasise that if they can't come up with a plan that will achieve that you will have to escalate this to the council's safeguarding team and consider involving the police.

Point out to them that if the child with SEN is still regularly hitting other children then it doesn't appear that his needs are being met.

Take someone with you to take notes (or record the meeting) and afterwards circulate details of exactly what they have agreed to do so that it's fully on record.

Probably that your child's needs are met so that he doesn't express his difficulties through violence.

We had similar with DD.

she was repeatedly hit, came home covered in mud where she’d been pinned down, bitten (this was reception through to yr2). School were awful in handling it.

we moved her.

4 other lots of parents also moved their children due to this one child with SEN (not officially diagnosed til yr4).

the child in question still kicks, bites and is now a rather large yr6. I feel for the kids and DD is now worried in case they meet again at secondary school.

The violence won’t stop and I would suggest the child needs to be in an environment more suited to them. Mainstream cannot be adapted to the extent that some of the kids need.

Your post come across as confrontational. What are your suggestions? Do you think it's OK for your child to be violent because they have SEN or should everyone else just suck it up?

Exactly this

And there is the crux of the matter. The child in question needs to be told in no uncertain terms that his behaviour is wrong and that he will be punished if he continues. Having worked with SEN children i can assure you if this child has got to mainstream school before being assessed then he will have the ability to understand why he is not allowed into the playground during break because he hits other children. Too many children are tip toed around because the Heads don't have a backbone.

It doesn't look like you have followed the process for situations like. Read the school policies and follow them. You need a paper trail and you need to keep records. Email the school with every incident you are told about. This is how parents of children with sen get support for their child. They get the same fobbing off if they do not follow procedures and keep records. The other child having sen is irrelevant in this situation. You concentrate on the school must keep your child safe

Then it is a meaningless word. That isn’t how language works. The definition needs to be separate from any individuals perspective

@OnTheGoAlways what a measured and sensible response from someone with a sen child. Thank you.

Ridiculous response. @ihmlsnwidhks has a legal duty to ensure her child is in full time education and her child is entitled to be educated. It's highly unlikely that he's happy if he is violent. If the school is unable to meet her child's needs they should be applying for an EHCP and/or calling an emergency review to discuss amending it. It may well be that, for instance, his behaviour arises from frustration at being unable to communicate or from sensory difficulties that are not being met, so help in those areas may make a major difference.

None of that means that the school shouldn't be taking steps to make other children safe. But it does mean that it's not up to the parent to break the law to make their lives easier.

Such a lot of tone deaf ignorant posts about sen on here. If you know nothing about it keep quiet.

In this situation, those are not the alternatives available. The question is whether the child's SEN should be met or should other children suffer the violence. The answer is, or course, obvious.

"Having worked with SEN children i can assure you if this child has got to mainstream school before being assessed then he will have the ability to understand why he is not allowed into the playground during break because he hits other children."

My non verbal, not understanding speech, no understanding of the effect his behaviour had on others and functioning similarly to a 12 month old was placed in mainstream school without full time support, because " his needs can be met in mainstream'.

Nonsense. Every child is entitled to full time education and to have their needs met. It is not the responsibility of parents to go into debt or to try to home educate just because state schools aren't adequately resourced. It is also not the responsibility of parents to monitor their children's behaviour when they are in the care of schools.

Often children with SEN become violent not because they want to hurt anyone but because they are incredibly frustrated because they don't understand what is happening in lessons, can't communicate that fact, and are constantly stressed by factors such as noise, bright lights, crowds, tactile sensations such as tight school uniform, etc. Local authorities aren't good at getting these difficulties properly assessed, and they aren't adequately funded to provide for them properly anyway.

The more parents are guilt-tripped into hiding their children with SEN at home, the less inclined this government in particular will be to assign adequate funding to help disabled children.

@Luculentus well said

@Luculentus sorry I have to disagree

My son had adhd and he if becomes violent at school , regardless of the reason why and lack of funding etc I will be removing him and home schooling him

It's not acceptable for my son to be injuring other kids and I have a duty of care as his mother to make sure his behaviour doesn't harm others. It's not only up to the school , the parents have to take responsibility and action for their child also.

If a child is being aggressive at school then they cannot cope on mainstream school and if there is no other options available for education then the parents need to give them a education at home. I'm sorry but child is your responsibility more than anyone else's.

Well that's nice are inclusive language towards the hearing impaired.

So sorry for your poor child OP and for you too. I can imagine it’s very frustrating to see that your child doesn’t get the safeguarding it’s legally entitled to at school. I agree with everyone else that the situation of the other child should not and does not matter for your child. You have no business with others problems and the schools incapacity to deal with them. Your child is entitled to a safe environment and how they’re going to ensure that is their issue to solve. I’d be telling them that as well and escalate it further rather sooner then later if they do not take their responsibility. There is literally no excuse why a child would have to tolerate bullying, absolutely never.
Best of luck.

Then you will be failing your child, unless you have specific training and expertise in assessing for communication, sensory, cognition and emotional and mental health needs and providing for them. It makes much more sense to use the mechanisms available to you to get your child's needs properly assessed and met.

Since when did tone deafness have anything to do with hearing impairment? Trying to be a clever dick never works.

"If a child is being aggressive at school then they cannot cope on mainstream school and if there is no other options available for education then the parents need to give them a education at home."

That is not what the law says and laws exist for a reason.

@Luculentus whilst I applaud your defence of Sen. That term is offensive to deaf people.

I dont think im naive about this topic at all. I have 3 children with SEN. Two who had EHCPs, one who ended up in a SEN school, one who ive just removed from secondary school who I previously had to remove from primary for a number of reasons.
Making sure your childs needs are met is a bloody nightmare, but you absolutely dont leave them all day in situations they are lashing out in. I absolutely get that its a hugely difficult situation, but if my child was aggressing others then I would consider this a crisis situation and if the school were being pathetic about it, then id force the issue by keeping them home without deregistering and be speaking to whatever charity support was in your area. I cant say exactly what to do because its a minefield, but just allowing it to happen is not ok either.

@Luculentus completely agree the system needs to do better. Sen children out of sight at home is just a money saving option rather than investing in properly supporting/training staff in schools to accommodate Sen children. It's not fair on the children with Sen or their families.

It's also not fair on other kids at school being physically assaulted.