DS Bullied By Child with SEN

[ellie21]

My son who is at a mainstream Primary School is being bullied by another child who is undergoing assessment for ADD.
Initially this was low level bullying ( name calling etc) but has developed into threats of violence. In the last two weeks he has been physically assaulted three times by this child. The school have confirmed that this is one sided and is happening to other students too.
I have been into school a number of times to talk to staff and whereas they are sympathetic they say they have a duty of care to the child with SEN as he is struggling to cope at school.
AIBU to think that this is separate issue? I am absolutely furious my child is being hurt.

Focus on your DC, make it about them only. "My child isn't safe, what are you doing to remedy that?" If they bring up the other child's SEN, "the other child's possible SEN isn't relevant I'm not asking you what you are doing to support child X I am asking you how you are going to ensure a safe learning environment for my Child. The school has a duty of care to ensure the safety of all children. If you can't demonstrate in the next couple of days that you're taking meaningful steps to keep my child safe I will have to escalate this through the complaints procedure," and then do so, take it as high as you need to. It's the one thing they might respond to.

In terms of the needs of the other child the school say this is relevant because he is aware he is different to others and is struggling to cope with school. They say this is a contributing factor to his behaviour.
I don't know what their plan is. I've just been told that they are dealing with it. I need to find out.

Are you kidding?! Take your violent child out of school! He clearly can't cope and why should other kids suffer?!

School are telling you it's relevant to give them an excuse to do nothing.

They shouldn't be going into details on another child, the only child you are entitled to information on is yours, reming them of this if they do it again.

@ihmlsnwidhks take your child out of school then, the other kids aren’t his personal punch bag ffs… just let all the other kids get beaten up and traumatised but oh that’s ok if your child is happy

In my area there are nowhere near enough special school places so children who should be educated in a specialist setting are being taught in entirely inappropriate environments to the detriment of everyone involved.

Parents cannot just transfer their child to a special school unless they can find (and afford) a private one.

Thanks for all your advice. I will ask to speak to them and find out what their plan of action is and focus on my childs needs alone. This has been really helpful.

No you dont need to find out what their plan is for the other child. They are probably in the process of a managed move or trying to exclude or building evidence for an EHCP or any number of things in order to ensure he goes to a specialist school (and that wont mean that his behaviour stops and it may be that specialist schools decline to take him too due to violence, that is also commonly the case)

But you do need to know what the plan is to protect your son, what actions safeguard your son?

Yes, sorry thats what I meant. I need a plan of action to deal with the bullying, not the plan of action for the other child.

Its true and will get worse. However its also the case that many children's needs are such that the violence doesnt stop once at a specialist school, its just that fewer people are affected because of staff ratio or in extreme cases the staff have ability to restrain but those are specialist placements.

Many specialist schools wont take violent children either so its not even a case of just identifying a possible school and asking the education authority for a place.

Don't worry about what their plan is for the violent child, tbh they shouldn't even be telling you, that's an excuse to make you believe they are doing something. Remind them that they have a duty of care to your child and that's all you're interested in. I've been there with dd1, it's an awkward situation but you need to protect your child.

The school actually shouldn't be telling you the other child has SEN unless it is generally known, I know I'd be furious if school told anyone of my DC SEN. They shouldn't be telling you how they're dealing with the other child at all, what they should be doing and talking about to you are how they are going to keep your child safe.

I've dealt with violence from SEN in the home, and what PP was asking, if my child was hurting other children and even with a 1-2-1 there was no way to stop this I would be seeking a place in a special school or withdrawing my child. I know how it feels and I wouldn't want to put a child through that.

It’s relevant to them but it’s not relevant to you or your child. It sound like they’re trying to fob you off quite honestly. They shouldn’t be telling you details like the other child is aware he’s different, that’s not your business. How they keep your child safe from ongoing physical abuse is your business. If you don’t have decent reassurance by the end of this week, I would escalate and go through the formal complaints procedure.

Everyone that’s saying a child that repeatedly harms others should be removed from the school, you’re not wrong. I agree they shouldn’t be there, but where else can they go? The special school places don’t exist in the numbers that they’re needed, and every child is entitled to an education even if they do hurt other kids. The school don’t have the power to solve this problem on their own.

why is the violence still continuing with a one to one? Is your son in the right placement. If he has an EHCP and a 1 to 1 and he is still aggressive to other students, clearly they arent meeting his needs and hes not coping, let alone safeguarding the other students. Id be insisting on an emergency review as whats in place isnt enough

Can I please urge you ALL to write to your MPs about this.

Funding for education has been cut to the bone, teachers are overwhelmed and stressed, parents are struggling to get their children to attend and enjoy school and kids are suffering.

Better funding would mean more specialist teaching staff, more training and better facilities such as sensory aids and safe rooms.

For those saying the child shouldn't be in school - where does he go? There are a lack of spaces in special schools, and if the parents work then where does this child go?

SEND funding affects everyone.

I am fairly sure @ihmlsnwidhks child isn’t happy, and that the poster would love dc to be in a different school. It really isn’t that easy though. To all the posters saying “pull the child out”, I would ask you to actually think what this means.

If child is out of school one parent can’t work. Child can’t gain any skills. Child won’t be being assessed for better provision. Child won’t be learning. Child won’t have any socialisation to improve skills. Child will no longer be an issue for council so won’t stand a chance of getting an ehcp and a place at more appropriate provision.

I very much doubt all those posters who are saying remove the child would be prepared to sacrifice their dc for the good of others.

The negative sides of Utilitarianism are rarely promoted by those whose loved ones would suffer.

The school could be dealing with it but also they could also be waiting months for an educational psychologist to come and assess IF the parents agree or they could be waiting for a special school place for child. Honestly it's a no win situation.

Complain loudly, ask for meeting, in person. You focus on your child and how they can be kept safe.

This is incredibly naive. What do you think would meet the needs of a child who lashes out, unpredictably, without trigger, not always in response to specific situations or emotions but also including that as well (not saying thats the case for the poster you're talking to)

I see this all the time on here, that if a child's needs are being 'met', then their behaviour would be different. What do you think a 1-1 is going to do. How do you think a child will 'cope' and what does that look like?

Even if some children are in the 'right' placement they may still have episodes of violence and lashing out physically.

In DSs case the school have done a lot to manage the behaviour of the bully with new measures each time there's an incident.

I do feel for the child as her needs are blatantly not met in the environment and she now has to have:
1 to 1 in class
No outside time at all ever
1 to 1 during all PE lessons / excluded from a lot of team games

It's not fair on her or the other kids who live in constant fear of her kicking off. The last time she had to be locked out of the classroom with teachers barricading the doors and this has been going on for 3 years now.

We keep a constant communication with school reporting all incidents minor / major and I follow up with an email. Anything physical gets an immediate meeting with school and they usually introduce something else as a direct result but they've nearly reached their limit of what they can do

I'm not saying OP’s child should suffer either- just that removing the child is rarely an option.

The child with Sen is communicating, the school need to support the child better and protect the othe students better. It's the schools responsibility and they are failing

Until (and if) the system changes then we cant allow the majority of children to be disadvantaged

Another poster is correct, SEND funding affects everyone but until it changes we cant allow the majority of the children in school to suffer either.

I am behaviour lead at a primary, we have a few violent children that need restraining often and can often injure. One of my main focus points is letting the children know we must keep them and others safe. If that means we have to de escalate a situation by removing a child then we will. You need to have a firm word with the school over the well-being of your own child and get them to take action. This definitely should not be allowed to continue! Sen or not we ensure children do not hurt other children. Some schools however I am aware are very soft and cautious when it comes to disciplining or stopping sen children.