DS Bullied By Child with SEN

[ellie21]

My son who is at a mainstream Primary School is being bullied by another child who is undergoing assessment for ADD.
Initially this was low level bullying ( name calling etc) but has developed into threats of violence. In the last two weeks he has been physically assaulted three times by this child. The school have confirmed that this is one sided and is happening to other students too.
I have been into school a number of times to talk to staff and whereas they are sympathetic they say they have a duty of care to the child with SEN as he is struggling to cope at school.
AIBU to think that this is separate issue? I am absolutely furious my child is being hurt.

I'm a parent of a child with SEN. I've been fighting for a number of assessments because there are times/situations where he's not coping. I waited 2-3 years for a couple of assessments. Now they've come back with recommendations for how to help him cope better, school are saying they don't think they can put them in place (despite having an EHCP).

Many SEN kids just don't have the support they need through lack of assessments or school unwillingness/lack of resources.

It's no-win.

Notanotherwindow - does the behaviour being described on this thread really sounds like bullying to you?

If a child has 1 to 1 supervision how are they being violent to other children?

OP go to the governors, your MP, move schools don’t accept this.

we DO have a choice of where our children go to school.

I dont agree with the posters 'solution' but no one has any idea on what the trigger for the behaviour is. Are you suggesting that a child with SEN is automatically unable to behave badly by virtue of the fact that they have SEN?

Ask to see the school Peer on peer abuse policy and refer to that as well.

That’s not going to work on a SEN child, struggling to communicate, is it?

A 1:1 doesn’t have a magic wand to stop the behaviour. There is no way of knowing what someone is going to do before they do it.

This. OP you shouldn't care about whether that child has SEN or is Royalty. If he's a bully who assaults your son and other kids, he needs to stop or be expelled!

Yes it does. Starting out with name calling and nastiness and escalating to violent assaults that target only the OPs son. Sounds like classic bullying to me.

I was very quiet and bullied the entire time I was at secondary school and half of primary. Not a single one of them stopped without violence.

One stopped after my mother collared him, took his phone and rang his parents and told them to come and get him and sort him out. They did and his father gave him a wallop and told him if it happened again he'd be sorry. It didn't.

Bully number two was waylaid by my older cousin and told to leave me alone. He didn't, my cousin came back and punched him and he stopped.

Bully number 3 was the worst and pushed me under a bus, shoved me down spat on me, didn't give a shit about the teachers, police talking to him, his parents didn't care. My dad put a stop to him after the bus incident. Followed him, caught him hurting me, grabbed him by the throat and told him if he saw him near me again he'd kill him. Guess what? He stopped.

4th Bully I eventually stood up to myself. Aggressively. He went to A&E and never touched me again.

All this was after years of raising with the school, police etc and getting nowhere.

They speak one language. Just tell him to hit back.

@XelaM you clearly know little about SEN provision.
The option you've unhelpfully suggested simply isn't possible.
There are not scores of specialist schools to choose from and those that do exist have waiting lists and hefty criteria for entry.

If a child with SEN is violent it means that he struggles at school and doesn’t receive right support, and probably the setting is not right for him. However it’s not OP’s problem, her DS has right to be safe at school. I would check bullying policy on the school website and complaints policy and follow the procedure putting everything in writing. Don’t ask for policies, check them on the website or at the school somewhere. Ours was on the wall near school reception.

I am going to go in and ask what their bullying policy is and what their plan of action to safeguard my son is.
I don’t want my son to retaliate physically. If anything I want him to understand why it’s happening and try and communicate positively with this child. That may sound ridiculous. I may also change my opinion!
But I’m also absolutely not having him hurt or put in a position where he no longer wants to go to school.

So what? Why should this be the OP's problem or that of the vast majority of other children at this school who are suffering violent attacks?!

They have a duty of care to ALL children. Your son has a right to go to school to be educated in a safe environment.

Email them asking for a breakdown of their bullying protocols and what measures they are putting into place to adhere to their duty of care towards DS. Also ask their safeguarding policies in these situations and state you and DS are extremely unhappy with the current way things are being dealt with. Reiterate DS feels unsafe in the school environment and as his Mother you have reservations about sending him into an environment where he is habitually being assaulted with little to no intervention. If it happens again you will be contacting the governors and the police. You hope it doesn't come to that and you welcome an update asap.

This in spades.

Keep him off school until they have a plan in place to keep your son safe. Involve the head and then the governors

This post saddens me as the parent of a non violent autistic child. The ignorance is outstanding.

You would really suggest hitting back as hard as you could, a potentially vulnerable child that may not have the mental capacity to understand why they are lashing out?

Do people really think this will help? Let me tell you I repeatedly have to stop my child from stepping out in front of cars, because he doesn’t know the cause/effect. Same for many SEN children. If they get hit back, it will only escalate this situation.

OP, I hope you find a solution for your child.

Bullying = being mean.

Violence, or threats of violence = assault. Is the child age ten or more? If so report the assaults to the police. SEN are not an excuse for assault.

Also, go absolutely mad at the school, demand meetings with headteacher and ask how they are going to keep your chikd physically safe, ask where in the health and safety policy it states that assault can be ignored and managed ‘sensitively’, threaten to sue the school and the head personally for negligence, complain to Ofsted and govenors, etc. Be the biggest nightmare the school will ever seen and then you will have their attention.

Personally? I’d move my child. The school sounds shit.

My child was assaulted and left with a scar in primary school by a child 2 years above who was claimed to have additional needs and was prone to lash out. Except he never lashed out at adults, or kids bigger than him. Funny that.

I told the school they had a duty to protect my son and his peers, and any repeat I would inform the police (boy concerned was 11) and OFSTED.

Thankfully it never happened again.

I hope you get some resolution OP. This is not acceptable on the schools part.

@DeeCeeCherry what did they do?

Be careful with the ‘trying to understand and communicate positively’. It sounds great, but I’m not at all sure it’s healthy for your child to try to understand the point of view of the person attacking him. Sounds dangerously close to victim-blaming. Most importantly it will not protect your child or help him at all.

Your child has a right to be protected by adults until he’s physically big enough to defend himself. You should be his number one defender.

OP the anti bullying policy is useless on its own, you need to see the behaviour policy and the complaints procedure (this is worth a read) all should be published on their website or that of the LA -

Use all 3 to email the head teacher - verbal isn’t good enough.

Then if they ring back, email a thanks for your reply, where you confirmed x y z and a review in x time per y policy -

Then document every incident and report every incident -

truth is parents voices are louder than teachers

Google ‘keeping children safe in education’ read the part on peer on peer abuse and quote it in writing to school. Google CPOMs and ask if it’s being updated with every incident. No joy after that do a formal complaint.

I have a Sen child in a Sen school and I’m a Sen governor. The above policy can not be ignored by any school for any reason. They have a duty of care.