DS Bullied By Child with SEN

[ellie21]

My son who is at a mainstream Primary School is being bullied by another child who is undergoing assessment for ADD.
Initially this was low level bullying ( name calling etc) but has developed into threats of violence. In the last two weeks he has been physically assaulted three times by this child. The school have confirmed that this is one sided and is happening to other students too.
I have been into school a number of times to talk to staff and whereas they are sympathetic they say they have a duty of care to the child with SEN as he is struggling to cope at school.
AIBU to think that this is separate issue? I am absolutely furious my child is being hurt.

Also agree with this.

It's irrelevant what is happening with other child , that's confidential and for school to mange re SEN

You have a physical safeguarding referral not just a bullying one, of 3 physical assaults within one week by Child X on your minor Child Y whilst in school care.

Report that safeguarding to local CSD and OFSTED and copy it to school that you want your child safeguarded from further physical assaults whilst at school

then have your meeting at school

We have had the same. Several physical, ongoing verbal, and basically school have shrugged it off and said they can't do anything due to other child's needs. So basically my kid has to expect and accept physical and verbal abuse, and it won't stop because the other child isn't ever held to account. I disagree strongly with this. Everyone can be held to account in some way, and should. I accept strategies may need to differ depending on the offending child's needs, but a blanket, they are SEN so it's alright is also doing the aggressive child no favours

No - I didn’t suggest that. That doesn’t make much sense. However, behaviour which may look like and feel like bullying could well be something very different such as a highly anxious child’s response to a stressful, inappropriate and ill-managed environment. Encouraging children to escalate violence in these circumstances could well have catastrophic consequences.

There should be better schooling and funding for children with SEN/behavioural issues. Mainstream schooling isn't the best approach for some children despite the push for it. For many SEN children the noisy, busy and structured classes don't suit their way of learning and they do struggle, even from early years.

All children deserve an environment to learn in their works with them and their needs. A mainstream child deserves a safe learning environment without disruptive children spoiling their learning time.

Working in early years I can already see the effect that a few disruptive children bring to the learning of the others and it isn't fair on any of them. Provision needs to come from the government via proper funding and specialist facilities where needed to give all children the chance to reach their potential.

Definitely speak to the school about how they are going to keep your child safe in the future.

@XelaM
So what? Why should this be the OP's problem or that of the vast majority of other children at this school who are suffering violent attacks?!
This is what. Your suggestion the later simply finds a specialist school is naive to the system and too the majority of SEN children is out of reach. Specialist places sadly are at an all time low.
ALL children have the right to an education.
ALL schools have a legal obligation to deliver an education, inclusive of SEN. MS settings often wilfully fail, using records of behaviour as described on this thread to unlawfully exclude/offroll children in efforts to maintain their own ratings etc...
you're very much oversimplified suggestion isn't a choice any SEN parent can just decide on a whim. It takes months, years snd shedloads of evidence/specialist input and reports to achieve even a managed move never mind a specialist place.
A decent solution would of course be for MS schools snd their leadership teams to be qualified and open to meeting the needs of children with SEN snd challenging behaviour, which 99% of the time is a communication effort on behalf of the child whose setting, despite funding are failing to meet needs.

I am not suggesting a specific specialist school. I am suggesting expelling the violent child to protect the majority of the children at the school. Whether the violent child then has to be home educated should not be the concern of the children who are being assaulted on a daily basis. Would you accept being assaulted every day at work?! Would you be concerned about whether the attacker has SEN? Why is it ok to subject children to this?

She'd probably just like to see the same thing that you would - for all children to feel safe from physical violence at school. I'm a mum of an SEN child but if children are being assaulted then something needs to be done.

@XelaM
I am not suggesting a specific specialist school. I am suggesting expelling the violent child to protect the majority of the children at the school. Whether the violent child then has to be home educated should not be the concern of the children who are being assaulted on a daily basis. Would you accept being assaulted every day at work?! Would you be concerned about whether the attacker has SEN? Why is it ok to subject children to this?

But isn't just it? You're not suggesting any solutions.
Excluding a child does not negate their right to an education. The legal duty still exists for the LA.
If a school is struggling with said child with supposedly qualified teams, what value would there possibly be in home education ? Could the parents need to work? Are they able to home educate/access specialist resources etc. EHE (Elective home education) means that all LA funding is ceased. That includes specialist input which for SEN children is vital if they're ever to learn to socially interact and engage positively. Which of course would be impossible if your suggestion was followed as the child would have zero social interactions to learn from, hence exacerbating the problem longterm, denying education and permitting a school to neglect their duties. It's not anywhere near as simple as you state-it's exhausting, stressful and supremely challenging for SEN parents.
It's not okay- but neither is the fact that children are failed daily (with and without needs). Because the system permits it. If you honestly believe SEND and it's woeful doesn't or shouldn't impact you or anybody else for that matter you're ill informed. Funding, attitudes, tailored strategies and consistent adult support all matter- funding is the challenge not the child.

*woeful funding

Er, protection for other children on the receiving end!

The same thing you would like to see if your child got assaulted 3 times in the space of a week. Regardless I would be fuming.

I found with one of my children who ended up being stabbed under the eye with a just sharpened pencil, the tactic that worked was to I make it very clear that next time I would 100% go to the Police, as I would if a random person assaulted me in the street. My child was never harmed again.

A child who is violent to other children - for whatever reason - and where it cannot be stopped, doesn't belong in school. Other pupils, SEN or not, have the right to learn in safe environment without being beaten up.

@Justkidding55 you have no idea what you're talking about. You're probably the same sort of person who says that autism wasn't around when you were younger.
People wait years for a diagnosis sometimes! They don't just hand them out willy nilly.

My child goes to a special school and very few children get 1-1. Classes are smaller of about 10-12 and have 1 teacher and 1 TA per class. Violence is not tolerated, either towards staff or a peer. If violent the aggressor goes into an isolation room until calm. A few children spend some time there each week. One child broke another child's arm by pushing him over and then he kept kicking him in head. He had to stay in isolation for 3 days, victim in hospital.

Good luck OP.

Eldest DS went to a primary school that was a small rural one. So only about 12 kids in his class. 1/2 of them were diagnosed as SEN, so from Autistic to ADD. This was a reflection throughout the years too.

DS suffered greatly. And I mean he was really very unhappy! He was bullied and distracted like your DS on a daily basis.

The school did NOTHING. They refused to even help because these kids had the priority with their needs. Moving schools wasn’t an option as living rurally there isn’t choice.

Eventually that head teacher left and a new one came in who didn’t put up with this kind of behaviour or situation. She was there for a good few years so DS and other DC got through ok.

However, she was removed by the PTA eventually for not giving priority to SEN kids.

It seems to be a VERY difficult position to be in and I totally empathise with your situation. I hope you manage to get things sorted.

This.

It's really sad to read these posts. There was a time when Sen children were locked away in institutions or beaten to submission or just didn't attend school. Treated as separate lesser individuals. Then it was decided these children would fair better in mainstream learning with their peers in a inclusive environment. The problem is there isn't enough money/resources to provide the adjustments some Sen children need to thrive in mainstream so instead the lazy approach of the sen child needs to learn to fit in is adopted. Children with Sen can't just fit in so then behaviour issues start as the child can not cope. What we are left with is distressed Sen children, a disrupted class and stressed teachers and everyone's capacity to learn suffers. Then who gets blamed? the child with a neurological disorder and their parents.

Btw those speaking scathingly of diagnosis, my Sen child saw his hv, salt, Sen officer and was observed by the senco at his nursery for a year, before seeing a paediatrician for two observations and was then observed over several sessions by a panel consisting of an educational psychologist, a nursery nurse, a second salt and a teacher. He had his hearing, eye sight checked and bloods done. The process took around 18m, he was seen in total by 12 professionals in that time and the decision based on all the information collated plus the observations from the panel led to my son being diagnosed with asd and gdd. Diagnosis is not just handed out to any child.

It's happening during unstructured times (such as break time) because the child with additional needs cannot cope with that environmental situation. My DD was exactly the same. I told school that she needed supervising at break time but they wouldn't do it. I offered to go in and supervise but they wouldn't allow that either. In the end I actually removed my DD from mainstream, home educated for a while and then got her into a special school. Never had any problems after that.

I don't know what to suggest for the solution but the school should not be disregarding your child's physical and emotional well-being either.

You're correct the issue is funding and lack of resources and not the children. That doesn't mean though that other children should be scared of going to school because they're attacked.

The problem the school then comes up against if they exclude someone on the grounds of their disability is prosecution based on discrimination. They are in a tough position.

Sen or not, it is not acceptable to just accept child is violent and let other children pay the price. You wouldn't accept sen as a reason for being regularly assaulted in the work place, why is school any different?

They can't manage this child's violent outbursts towards other children to the extent that multiple children are being assaulted 3 times a week, it's ridiculous!

I'd suggest removing the SEN child if the school is failing to keep your child safe. The school have admitted he's struggling to cope and it's happening to other children as well. Maybe he'd be happier in a special school that can keep him and his fellow pupils safe.
And I'm sure removing him isn't practical for the parent of the violent child but that's not the OP's problem. And the OP shouldn't have to arrange for her son to change schools because he isn't the problem here.

Years ago there actually was a middle road between being "locked up" and in a classroom. Most schools had a "unit" where kids with needs who couldn't be in a classroom would go. They would learn basic skills, gardening, house care, self care, etc and they would join in with whole school activities. A couple of teachers would run it. Ours was called the "love to learn" group.

But then cuts, and inclusion policies made it necessary to have them back in a classroom where now the teacher must often provide, as I do, work from the p scales up to year 7 in.one class whilst trying to get some kids through sats. With no TA and no help and a full third of my class with needs of some sort.

People have no idea what cuts have done to schools. When I first started teaching the idea of an 11 year old lobbing a laptop at me and calling me a cunt would have been appalling. Now it's just a form filled, incident logged and a chat with mum about his behaviour and adhd medication.

It isn't ok.