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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Comment after oral sex (this may be TMI for some ppl)

655 replies

Limebazil · 30/04/2022 16:06

I am seeing a guy the last few weeks we are both early 30s. He seems like a nice guy, and things were going great. Last night we slept together for the first time, it was great he was very generous in bed but after he had gone down on me he said "I think you should drink more water you taste kind of strong". This was really hurtful to me, I'm sure he didn't mean it to be hurtful and maybe I'm overly sensitive but why would you say that when it is widely known that women/ girls are paranoid about how they look/ smell/ taste down there. He's not a gynaecologist so the health advice was not appreciated. He could see he had upset me and tried to back track saying "he didn't mean it like that" and "I'm crazy about you the last thing I want to do is offend you I was just trying to help" but now I'm just seeing it as a red flag. AIBU?

OP posts:
bravastrava · 30/04/2022 16:11

Have you noticed that you smell quite strongly? Could he have been right? He sounds as if he felt a bit awkward too but kind of respect him for bringing it up and not waiting for you to ask why he doesn't do it anymore and then be embarrassed. But only you know the tone in which it was said but no immediate red flags for me.

Original poster
Limebazil · 30/04/2022 16:13

@bravastrava No I haven't and haven't had any complaints before although admittedly I don't drink enough water.

It's more the fact that he was so blasé commenting in a negative way about my body the first time we slept together. Its kind of given me a weird feeling about him to the point that I don't want to talk to him today.

OP posts:
SockFluffInTheBath · 30/04/2022 16:14

Is your period due? DH reckons mine tastes stronger just before my period starts.

Try not to fret OP, men can be rubbish with words in these situations. If it was grotesque he would have stopped a second in.

Aquamarine1029 · 30/04/2022 16:15

I think you'd have to be crazy to ever see him again.

bravastrava · 30/04/2022 16:16

Then you should one hundred percent trust your instincts. He made you feel ashamed when you were possibly in a vulnerable position after the first time you had sex. You don't need to do anything you don't want to. You don't owe him a thing.

Fit50 · 30/04/2022 16:16

I’m an ex healthcare professional and I might have even advised a partner with strong smelling odor to go to the GP and get their kidney function checked too! I even insist my husband eats a lot of pineapple before I will schedule in oral sex! If it was me I would find this man’s openness endearing. Buy a couple of pineapples to eat together and make a joke about it.

Oysterbabe · 30/04/2022 16:16

Yanbu. That was a very rude and hurtful comment from him. I'd have been upset too.

mum2jakie · 30/04/2022 16:16

Wouldn't let that charmless idiot near my nether regions again!!! Jeez.

LoveSpringDaffs · 30/04/2022 16:20

I can understand why you feel a bit upset, but surely it's better he said something than just made excuses not to do it next time. A man that has some understanding that what we eat/drink affects the way we smell/taste isn't a bad thing.

you know you don't drink enough water, that's not good for you, so maybe use this as a kick up the bum to drink more water.

not talking to him because he was honest about it, is a bit daft. He didn't say anything derogatory (ya minge stinks).

worriedaboutmoney2022 · 30/04/2022 16:22

Fit50 · 30/04/2022 16:16

I’m an ex healthcare professional and I might have even advised a partner with strong smelling odor to go to the GP and get their kidney function checked too! I even insist my husband eats a lot of pineapple before I will schedule in oral sex! If it was me I would find this man’s openness endearing. Buy a couple of pineapples to eat together and make a joke about it.

Am I missing something here? Pineapple????

aSofaNearYou · 30/04/2022 16:24

YANBU, this was a really stupid and insensitive thing to say after having sex for the first time.

pedropony76 · 30/04/2022 16:24

It’s a bit cringe and embarrassing for you but I think it’s always best to be honest during sex.
It’s better he tells you then comes up with excuses as to why he doesn’t want to give oral sex anymore and you’re left feeling paranoid.

Surley if you gave him a blowjob and there was a smell down there then you’d say something? If not, more fool you to put something smelly in your mouth. I think he was right in saying something even if you would have preferred it was worded differently

planetme · 30/04/2022 16:24

Noooooooo this would put me off him massively 🤢🤢🤢🤢

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 30/04/2022 16:25

Limebazil · 30/04/2022 16:13

@bravastrava No I haven't and haven't had any complaints before although admittedly I don't drink enough water.

It's more the fact that he was so blasé commenting in a negative way about my body the first time we slept together. Its kind of given me a weird feeling about him to the point that I don't want to talk to him today.

That would be it for me. Attraction dead.

planetme · 30/04/2022 16:26

Also didn't know not drinking enough water can make it smell down there ?? Is this a thing ?

Glad I drink loads of water 💦🤣

Tothemoonandbackx · 30/04/2022 16:26

@Fit50 are you for real!?!?.......maybe if they'd had sex a few times, he could have discreetly mentioned it as to not cause embarrassment, BUT just after the very first time. OP I would have felt the same as you, how would he have liked it if you mentioned that he himself tasted pretty strong then again, he maybe have eaten some pineapple first 🙄🙄

BonnesVacances · 30/04/2022 16:26

He obviously feels comfortable talking about sex etc. which is good. But it depends if he said it straight away or more conversationally after you'd DTD. It sounds like you're not compatible though.

JaninaDuszejko · 30/04/2022 16:27

Pineapple?

Fit50 · 30/04/2022 16:28

Conflicting research results I know but it works for us 🍍

Original poster
Limebazil · 30/04/2022 16:28

@Fit50 I'm an interior designer but there is no way on earth that I would be rude enough to give unsolicited decorating advice to anyone whose home I visited for the first time.

@LoveSpringDaffs for me I think it's a red flag that he commented negatively about my body the first time we slept together. I think I'm just going to be honest. I don't think I want to see him again.

OP posts:
Patienceisntvirtuous · 30/04/2022 16:32

worriedaboutmoney2022 · 30/04/2022 16:22

Am I missing something here? Pineapple????

Show quote history

It's renowned for causing a sweeter scent/taste in one's secretions.

OP do you do a sniff test on yourself? Does it smell strong?
Use some balance active and drink more/eat healthily. It makes a hell of a difference. If it doesn't, get thee to a gyno.

IhopeYourCakeIsShit · 30/04/2022 16:34

bravastrava · 30/04/2022 16:16

Then you should one hundred percent trust your instincts. He made you feel ashamed when you were possibly in a vulnerable position after the first time you had sex. You don't need to do anything you don't want to. You don't owe him a thing.

Absolutely this.

Mellowyellow222 · 30/04/2022 16:34

I would see this a red flag.

some people like to have to power in a relationship - chip away at the other persons self confidence.

be careful with this one.

pedropony76 · 30/04/2022 16:35

Limebazil · 30/04/2022 16:28

@Fit50 I'm an interior designer but there is no way on earth that I would be rude enough to give unsolicited decorating advice to anyone whose home I visited for the first time.

@LoveSpringDaffs for me I think it's a red flag that he commented negatively about my body the first time we slept together. I think I'm just going to be honest. I don't think I want to see him again.

Why is it a red flag if what he said may actually be true? You yourself have just said you don’t drink enough water and that does affect what happens down there.

Would it have been better if he said something in 6 months time? You would have been asking why he took so long to tell you no? Or are you bothered that he said anything at all because that’s kind of what it sounds like…

Oysterbabe · 30/04/2022 16:35

Is he negging perhaps?