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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Comment after oral sex (this may be TMI for some ppl)

655 replies

Limebazil · 30/04/2022 16:06

I am seeing a guy the last few weeks we are both early 30s. He seems like a nice guy, and things were going great. Last night we slept together for the first time, it was great he was very generous in bed but after he had gone down on me he said "I think you should drink more water you taste kind of strong". This was really hurtful to me, I'm sure he didn't mean it to be hurtful and maybe I'm overly sensitive but why would you say that when it is widely known that women/ girls are paranoid about how they look/ smell/ taste down there. He's not a gynaecologist so the health advice was not appreciated. He could see he had upset me and tried to back track saying "he didn't mean it like that" and "I'm crazy about you the last thing I want to do is offend you I was just trying to help" but now I'm just seeing it as a red flag. AIBU?

OP posts:
RitaFaircloughsWig · 30/04/2022 16:36

I don't blame you - you will always feel sensitive and on edge with this now. He is no gentleman.

IhopeYourCakeIsShit · 30/04/2022 16:36

Prepares for boom in sales of water and buys shares in Evian.

Original poster
Limebazil · 30/04/2022 16:37

@Patienceisntvirtuous I don't have a problem with how I taste or smell. I don't think I smell bad and I haven't had any other complaints. This guy has a problem with it clearly but that's easily fixed. Bye Boy.

OP posts:
VladmirsPoutine · 30/04/2022 16:37

Tbh you don't need to have sex or see anyone you don't want to. It's totally your call. But having said that I'd take his advice, drink more water, eat more vegetables. Think of your life as a train journey. Some people come in and sit at different places then get off at some point. Others stay, others move further down the carriage. If you choose to no longer see him that's fine but think of him as only going one stop just to let you know one or two things. Eat veg and pineapple and drink water - the next man who gets on the train will thank you for it.

pedropony76 · 30/04/2022 16:38

The comments are bizzare wow!

He’s not a gentleman because he suggested you drink more water because you tasted a bit strong. Was he just meant to keep on giving oral sex despite the taste? I’d genuinely love to hear what the solution is from his side

EL8888 · 30/04/2022 16:39

Wow! I’m a nurse but even l think that’s a bit close to the bone. What does he even mean by “strong”?! I’m sure you would know if you had thrush or BV or something like that. He does know that people’s sexual secretion often taste of something right?

IhopeYourCakeIsShit · 30/04/2022 16:39

I think it's great you are going with your gut.
I'm sorry he's made you feel so crap.

Cottoncandyycloudss · 30/04/2022 16:39

He could just be the first person that’s been honest with you about it? He’s clearly hurt your feelings but he doesn’t seem to have said it in a nasty way.
Least you can fix the issue now

Midlifemusings · 30/04/2022 16:43

I am not sure what your preference would have been, similar if you had gone down on him and found a strong unpleasant odor.

Rather than just not giving you oral sex ever again, why not mention it. I am all for honesty. Have no desire for games. If I went down on a guy and found the smell overpowering, I would also suggest he clean up or do something as well.

Had he said nothing, how would you have felt when he no longer wished to give you oral sex but wouldn't say why. Wouldn't you then have also felt frustrated and upset?

CutesyUserName · 30/04/2022 16:43

The point for me is that whether or not you did 'taste kind of strong' but that someone would be insensitive enough, unaware of how hurtful it might be and how vulnerable you would likely feel, to tell you the first time you slept together.

I definitely wouldn't see him again.

Loopytiles · 30/04/2022 16:44

not ok to make that comment: it’s such a sexist trope. Especially bad given the context.

Fit50 · 30/04/2022 16:44

I’m sorry I didn’t mean to offend anyone and I am a very direct person when it comes to sex and bodily functions in general. This has never happened to me so on that note my opinion is not based on me actually being on the receiving end of such comments. I respect your decision to not see this man again. However I don’t feel it’s fair that I should be berated for my opinion either. We are all different after all.

RitaFaircloughsWig · 30/04/2022 16:44

Cottoncandyycloudss · 30/04/2022 16:39

He could just be the first person that’s been honest with you about it? He’s clearly hurt your feelings but he doesn’t seem to have said it in a nasty way.
Least you can fix the issue now

It is one man's comment - how can you say she has an issue?

Fireflygal · 30/04/2022 16:44

Did he apologise...I think "didn't mean it like that" is defensive. What way did he mean it?

Trust your instincts. If he can't be kind during the early days then it doesn't bode well for the future.

Sidge · 30/04/2022 16:46

What’s drinking more water got to do with it unless he was drinking your urine?

I can only assume he means you have a strong natural scent that he found overwhelming. Was he right to tell you? Probably not and it’s obviously upset you, and I can understand why. But I guess the alternative is that he avoided ever going down on you, and you’d wonder why.

A lose/lose situation really.

Northernsoullover · 30/04/2022 16:46

Could you have had disco minge?

IhopeYourCakeIsShit · 30/04/2022 16:48

"Fix the issue" ?
There might not be one, this is one bloke commenting.
Whilst as a result of reading this thread there might be many of us upping our water intake just in case, but bloody hell, it could make you totally paranoid.

Original poster
Limebazil · 30/04/2022 16:49

@pedropony76 Yeah honestly I'd have preferred he said nothing and just either not gave me oral sex again or stopped seeing me if it bothered him that much.

Giving out unsolicited medical advice on a woman's body the first time you have a sex is a dealbreaker for me. I agree with the posters above I won't ever feel safe with him.

He was trying to organise a date for tonight but told him the truth about why i don't want to see him again.
He has text back saying he didn't mean it please don't let this be the end because of a stupid comment. "I love the way you taste I'm just an idiot" but nah I'm done

OP posts:
Midlifemusings · 30/04/2022 16:49

As a woman, I find the idea that women can't handle honesty and must be treated with kid gloves to be pretty insulting. The idea that we are all so sensitive that men must lie or only ever say positive and complimentary things and that any honesty that doesn't fit that descirption, even if said kindly and with respect is too much for a woman to handle.

While any one person can feel however thye feel - please stop attributing this sensitivity and inability to cope with a comment to women. Women as a whole are not incapable of coping with honesty and do not need to be treated like fragile, childlike beings.

IhopeYourCakeIsShit · 30/04/2022 16:50

What the heck is disco minge?

aSofaNearYou · 30/04/2022 16:50

CutesyUserName · 30/04/2022 16:43

The point for me is that whether or not you did 'taste kind of strong' but that someone would be insensitive enough, unaware of how hurtful it might be and how vulnerable you would likely feel, to tell you the first time you slept together.

I definitely wouldn't see him again.

This.

He could have told her at a later point as the trust in their relationship built but this was so far from being the right time to do it.

Bagelsandbrie · 30/04/2022 16:52

Very insensitive of him to say that after the first time you’ve had sex! I don’t know if he deserves an bad award for honesty or one for having no filter whatsoever…!

jytdtysrht · 30/04/2022 16:52

I’d definitely get rid. First time and he says that. Kills everything stone dead. Your instincts are telling him not to see him so don’t. And I don’t think water would have much effect anyway. It’s vag fluids not piss. And if you’ve have no other complaints, from LTRs especially, then ignore.

Absentmindedwoman · 30/04/2022 16:54

"I think you should drink more water you taste kind of strong"

Do you not ever taste yourself? Either directly from the source or did he not kiss you after oral?

Also, possibly being a bit thick here but - surely him saying you taste a certain way is not the same thing as hinting that you smell, which some of the comments on this thread seem to be along the lines of?

Sure smell and taste are related but not quite the same are they?

Maybe he just means your juices were like those bottles of the very concentrated squash and need to dilute yourself down a bit more Grin

Original poster
Limebazil · 30/04/2022 16:56

And the fact that now suddenly he "loves the way I taste" just because I'm refusing to see him again. I feel like it wasn't just a "helpful comment" from him it felt at the time like he wanted to take me down a peg.... like that's how it felt to me. Like a put down.

OP posts: