Comment after oral sex (this may be TMI for some ppl)

[Limebazil]

I am seeing a guy the last few weeks we are both early 30s. He seems like a nice guy, and things were going great. Last night we slept together for the first time, it was great he was very generous in bed but after he had gone down on me he said "I think you should drink more water you taste kind of strong". This was really hurtful to me, I'm sure he didn't mean it to be hurtful and maybe I'm overly sensitive but why would you say that when it is widely known that women/ girls are paranoid about how they look/ smell/ taste down there. He's not a gynaecologist so the health advice was not appreciated. He could see he had upset me and tried to back track saying "he didn't mean it like that" and "I'm crazy about you the last thing I want to do is offend you I was just trying to help" but now I'm just seeing it as a red flag. AIBU?

He could have told her at a later point as the trust in their relationship built but this was so far from being the right time to do it.

Yes. Honesty about anyone's genitals is only ever okay from someone they can trust.

Really glad you asked

Good for you OP. You just don't say things like that, especially at that time. Might give him a few thoughts in future.

Surely if you're having sex with someone you should feel you trust them?

Exactly @StrychnineInTheSandwiches it’s a conversation for further down the line. To my mind saying such a personal thing at such an early stage is either insensitive and tone deaf (in itself not ideal), or actually very consciously said to rock confidence (probably more likely).

It doesn’t take a genius to recognise that his comment was going to be hurtful and if he really was well intentioned he’d have said nothing. whatever the motivation for his comment I think you’re right @Limebazil to forget about him.

Pineapple I thought it was strawberries

He should have known why it wasn't fresh then. What a cock. Man liquid takes a day or so to trickle out completely. He was probably tasting himself.

You’ve done the right thing. Who does this the first time they sleep with someone? It’s so effing RUDE. The sheer arrogance! I mean, perhaps a sensitively timed comment to your spouse or long-term partner, but not with someone you’ve just shared the first throes of passion with. It would kill not only the moment but every moment there on in surely? How do you go forward confidently from there??!!

If I were in your shoes I’d have shown him the door right then and there for insulting me when I was in such a vulnerable state. How belittling. How crushing. What an insensitive twat.

Best rid of that one - he clearly has the emotional intelligence of a teaspoon.

I'm just here for disco minge..

I agree that you've dodged a bullet though. It does sound like he was putting you down knowing you were in a vulnerable position then, judging by his texts today. Either that or he's just realised he's knobbled himself out of a regular shag.

I wouldn’t like it if I were in your shoes OP. Someone saying that to me after the first time sleeping together would put me off them completely and I simply wouldn’t want to shag them again as I would be worried about what they would say next etc and obviously you want to be completely relaxed! It would give me the Ick 100%

YANBU I would ditch him x

Ummmm.......pretty sure he was tasting his own earlier deposit fermenting .

Google negging

YANBU
Some people have no filter and can’t help it but I wouldn’t be seeing him again.

When I have sex I went my partner to make me feel like I’m the most beautiful woman in the world, not make feel crap and self conscious.

If this was me I would have just stopped doing it but not said anything.

I like your style haha 😛

Googling Safe Sex would be of more use.

OMG I am frankly amazed that even one single person would think his comment was ok in any way, shape or form!! It's beyond belief that he said it and as massive a red flag as I have ever heard about.

He just sent me this..... this is gaslighty right?

"Please don't throw away what we have over a stupid comment which I honestly don't even remember saying. If I said it I'm sorry I never meant to hurt you, you came so hard last night we have amazing chemistry I think you are just scared of getting close to someone so you're picking fault where there is none. I'm a good guy. Just let me come over and make you come like that again, I'll make it up to you and you'll forget all about the comment that I supposedly said"

Now he's denying that he said it? Like wtaf.
BLOCKED.

I'm not one to casually say LTB but I think you are doing the right thing not seeing him again and I think you're right that it was a power move on his part. It reminded me of something my ex did. Similiar story - met on online dating and started seeing each other then the put downs started. He actually texted me when I was at work asking if I could do some more pelvic floor exercises as "the last time we fucked he couldn't feel anything". Then when I got upset and didn't want to see him that night he tried to backtrack. I wish I'd ended it then as things only got worse.

BTW like a PP said I smell a lot stronger when my period is due - almost acidic as opposed to very sweet when ovulating. My partner would never bring it up though and when I asked him he said he can't tell. And if you'd just had penetrative sex there's be all sorts of fluids down there mixing together.

That latest text is 🤢

He's realised he's going to have to put the graft in to get laid again from scratch. Anyone that says their a good guy deserves blocking just for that.

Ugh yes that text would get my hackles up!

Good you're moving on.

I was in two minds through the thread?

That message though? Block,bin and run.

Fuck that shit. His conflict resolution tool seems to be making you cum until you forget you were upset? Just gave me the ick.

And yeah the message is gaslighty and following the i didn't do it, and if i did it wasn't that bad etc. script.

They knew each other well enough to have sex 🙄

I think you're a legend OP, good for you.