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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Comment after oral sex (this may be TMI for some ppl)

655 replies

Limebazil · 30/04/2022 16:06

I am seeing a guy the last few weeks we are both early 30s. He seems like a nice guy, and things were going great. Last night we slept together for the first time, it was great he was very generous in bed but after he had gone down on me he said "I think you should drink more water you taste kind of strong". This was really hurtful to me, I'm sure he didn't mean it to be hurtful and maybe I'm overly sensitive but why would you say that when it is widely known that women/ girls are paranoid about how they look/ smell/ taste down there. He's not a gynaecologist so the health advice was not appreciated. He could see he had upset me and tried to back track saying "he didn't mean it like that" and "I'm crazy about you the last thing I want to do is offend you I was just trying to help" but now I'm just seeing it as a red flag. AIBU?

OP posts:
lightisnotwhite · 30/04/2022 17:28

Sproutpie · 30/04/2022 16:57

He said strong that’s all. He didn’t say awful or nasty. Why are you taking it to be a bad thing. If he’d have thought it was nasty he’d have stopped.
I don’t think YABU. but maybe a touch over sensitive.

Why mention it at all? It’s a well known rule that if the person can’t change something in 5 minutes then don’t mention it (ie you’re fat, that’s a bad dress as opposed to you have spinach in your teeth or your flies undone)

It was their their first time and the Op is under no compulsion to follow his guidance about how her body should taste.
If he felt she tasted “too strong” he should have stopped. It’s a conversation for down the line when you trust each other’s motives.

SunshineCake1 · 30/04/2022 17:28

If there was his fluids too did you not use a condom?

thecatsarecrazy · 30/04/2022 17:28

He's a pig op. I don't see what drinking water would do anyway. Last guy I gave oral to was stinky, he was always OK before but last time not great but I still wouldn't say anything even though he's an ass.

aSofaNearYou · 30/04/2022 17:29

It was after penetrative sex?? Grin

I don't think I've ever received oral after he's finished during PIV, because it would obviously be covered in semen. Surely be realises this was 90% him?

Wereeaglesdare · 30/04/2022 17:29

Yeh I don't think you can come back from that he is clearly an idiot. Obviously your vaginal pH changes when penetrative sex has taken place and he was actually tasting himself. Which let's hope you have had a lucky escape from because he clearly thinks it don't taste good.

Don't get me wrong a bit of discreet honesty is great I'd much rather my partner suggest we took a nice bath together or just stopped going down on me than said something so stupid and idiotic. Like I don't even know what he could do or say at this point to make you even feel better about it. But please don't go tasting urself and shovelling pineapple down your throat. Because god fucking knows they don't give a shit where their dick has been. I'd just put it down to him being an idiot who obviously forgot u had sex before oral also a true gentleman knows its ladies first right? I think it's great how u are not willing to sacrifice your confidence for some guy it's really refreshing tbh.

TheAugusta · 30/04/2022 17:32

LittlePearl · 30/04/2022 17:20

I think you've dodged a bullet OP.

It's not the fact that he said something but it was your FIRST TIME. And the 'I think you should......' just reeks of mansplaining.

Totally agree with this. I would be concerned he was trying to make you insecure - it’s a bad sign. Coming from a place of concern after at least a few dates would be different, but saying something which would obviously knock your confidence right after your first time together throws up big red flags.

anonacfr · 30/04/2022 17:32

So what's disco minge?

anonacfr · 30/04/2022 17:33

Some of us are waiting to find out... 😉

JudyGemstone · 30/04/2022 17:33

He was obviously tasting his own jizz the idiot!

Did you not point this out to him at the time?

Furrbabymama87 · 30/04/2022 17:33

He was politely trying to tell you he didn't like the taste. That's fair enough if you do actually smell down there or are unhygienic, but as you say, it was after intercourse so what was he expecting. Surely he knows it's going to be less than fresh. I would have to ask him about it.

Puffalicious · 30/04/2022 17:34

Limebazil · 30/04/2022 17:23

@StrychnineInTheSandwiches I know you're right. I have a latex allergy and to his credit he bought non latex ones but we didn't use them.

Why not? I'm a bit worried about you now. Do you plan to get tested? It seems extreme, but it's not.

I do think you're making the right call, actually. I'd feel the same, he offended you when you were naked and potentially feeling vulnerable after first-time sex. At the very least he's selfish/ unthinking.

PS Is everyone cool with oral sex after penetrative without condoms? It just has never been something I would do- I've always been an oral before kind of girl- him or me. I love oral sex but need to make sure I'm freshly washed. Maybe I'm just not with it, but don't reckon DH would want to be down there slurping around with his semen!

JudyGemstone · 30/04/2022 17:34

I can’t honestly believe anyone would enforce pineapple eating for 5 days in a row before sex!

I have sex pretty much every day; pineapples expensive!

Popsicle33 · 30/04/2022 17:34

You had unprotected sex?? He's a twat for not realising he was tasting himself. Gross

Absentmindedwoman · 30/04/2022 17:39

Why mention how much water she’s drinking then? I’m not sure if vaginal secretions taste or smell different with fluid intake but everyone knows pee smells stronger if you’re dehydrated.

Different drinks and hydration levels do make a difference, yes.

An ex girlfriend of mine tasted different when she'd had lots of coffee and not enough water - a really intense taste, not remotely bad though. And it was certainly nothing to do with piss or not washing. The taste was in the fluid itself, caused by her aroused state.

ManateeFair · 30/04/2022 17:40

planetme · 30/04/2022 16:26

Also didn't know not drinking enough water can make it smell down there ?? Is this a thing ?

Glad I drink loads of water 💦🤣

Why is everyone going on about smells when the guy didn’t say there was a smell, ffs? He referred to taste, not smell. If someone smelt bad then yes, there might be an issue. But the way someone tastes is unlikely to be a health issue. Also not actually convinced that drinking water would make any difference.

FabFitFifties · 30/04/2022 17:44

He might be lovely, but he might also be an abusive controlling monster, who can't even wait until you are hooked, before he starts. Testing the waters, no pun intended. I think you've made a wise decision.

Original poster
Limebazil · 30/04/2022 17:48

The reason we only slept together yesterday for the first time after 7 weeks of dating is because we attended an STI clinic together and were waiting for results (which incidentally were both negative) however he could have been seeing anyone else in the meantime so I did plan to use condoms just got carried away and we didn't in the end so I'm an idiot.

Timeline of events for those that are interested;

Went for dinner at 9 shared a bottle of wine.

Came back to my place around 11pm and had sex almost immediately on the couch. It was nice but quick I didn't orgasm he did.
I cleaned myself up afterwards as we didn't use a condom.

Brushed teeth had a cuddle went to sleep.

Woke up at 2am and started to fool around again. I'm sure there was some leakage from the sex earlier but despite that at this point he gave me oral sex (which he was very good at and I finished). Almost immediately afterwards he popped his head up and said the comment about drinking more water.

I think he was hoping to get oral sex back but I was pissed off at that stage so he didn't get it. Both fell back asleep. I made breakfast but told him I had family coming over early so he left at 9am.

He tried texting throughout the day and eventually I told him I didn't want to see him again.

OP posts:
CrumpetStrumpet · 30/04/2022 17:48

Well done for dumping him. He's an arsehole.

Please get an sti check though and please don't have any more unprotected sex with men you aren't in an established relationship with!

CornishLamb · 30/04/2022 17:50

Well done for following your instincts. I agree with the previous poster who said it sounding like negging.

DaisyStPatience · 30/04/2022 17:50

Good on you for going with your own instincts and not letting him talk you round. He sounds insensitive at best, a neggy abusive arse at worst. I'm sure there's nothing wrong with you.

Scianel · 30/04/2022 17:51

He tasted his own elderly semen ffs Grin

CrumpetStrumpet · 30/04/2022 17:51

Oh and I canr believe he said you smelt a bit strong at 2am after you'd already been asleep. Of course you're going to taste a bit funky by then. What an absolute tit he is.

carbay · 30/04/2022 17:53

He's correct about one thing though....he is 'just an idiot'.

StopStartStop · 30/04/2022 17:53

Aquamarine1029 · 30/04/2022 16:15

I think you'd have to be crazy to ever see him again.

This. Not polite? No more sex.

Cliftontherocks · 30/04/2022 17:54

Oysterbabe · 30/04/2022 16:35

Is he negging perhaps?

This.

anything like this is a massive red flag.

years and years ago I was dating someone and we slept together a few times and he struggled to come explaining it as he felt a lot of pressure as it was the first time in a year after his divorce. I thought ok no problems I can live with it and be empathetic.

the next time he was really going to get ‘into’ it he told me - he was bossing me around - there’s take the lead, being dominant etc but this was ridiculous ‘on your knees’ ‘legs apart’ ‘legs close together’ ‘I said close together squeeze me bitch’ etc take it hard whore etc loving me banging you my big cock blah blah blah - absolutely no focus on me or you pleasure or if he was hurting me or not. He was digging his fingers in my hips so hard I knew I would have bruises. I told him to stop - he made some comment about how HE was loving it and I got out from under it and said but I’m NOT. I don’t like the way you are treating me, I don’t like your language and I’m not doing this. He had a wobble and said ‘that’s why my wife left me but I just like it hard and to imagine I’m paying for it etc ‘ - I said we aren’t compatible you need to go it was 11 pm and I was glad but he went. He tried to respond messages etc saying most women liked porn and liked it hard from behind - for the 10
years that I lived local to him - he got girlfriends pretty quickly and lost them quickly.

trust Your gut. Don’t dress it up as he was confident or he was authentic or whatever - when you have sex again you’ll be thinking do I smell - is he going to say anything. Maybe if you’d been together a while and away from the bedroom he said something in an empathetic two way process as it - can we talk about something / am I ok at ? ….. and bring it up gently. But trust your gut.