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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Comment after oral sex (this may be TMI for some ppl)

655 replies

Limebazil · 30/04/2022 16:06

I am seeing a guy the last few weeks we are both early 30s. He seems like a nice guy, and things were going great. Last night we slept together for the first time, it was great he was very generous in bed but after he had gone down on me he said "I think you should drink more water you taste kind of strong". This was really hurtful to me, I'm sure he didn't mean it to be hurtful and maybe I'm overly sensitive but why would you say that when it is widely known that women/ girls are paranoid about how they look/ smell/ taste down there. He's not a gynaecologist so the health advice was not appreciated. He could see he had upset me and tried to back track saying "he didn't mean it like that" and "I'm crazy about you the last thing I want to do is offend you I was just trying to help" but now I'm just seeing it as a red flag. AIBU?

OP posts:
GrandRapids · 30/04/2022 17:09

Limebazil · 30/04/2022 16:58

@Absentmindedwoman It was after we had a penetrative sex so it was a lot of his fluids down there too. Maybe he should take his own suggestion.

Exactly! I would have bloody told him that is was likely his own semen he had an issue with.

But yes extremely insensitive of him to have said that. You're best rid.

Sunnytwobridges · 30/04/2022 17:10

Aquamarine1029 · 30/04/2022 16:15

I think you'd have to be crazy to ever see him again.

This. I believe in being honest but this went over the line to me. Especially since you barely know each other.

Scianel · 30/04/2022 17:10

Ponoka7 yep, I'm mid-forties and I remember lots of tittering/slurs about the smell of woman's genitalia as I hit pubescence, lots of nasty jokes about fish etc.

MissPolliezDolly · 30/04/2022 17:10

Limebazil · 30/04/2022 16:58

@Absentmindedwoman It was after we had a penetrative sex so it was a lot of his fluids down there too. Maybe he should take his own suggestion.

Honestly Op, I wouldn’t want to see him again.

Powerofthedog · 30/04/2022 17:10

Fit50 · 30/04/2022 16:16

I’m an ex healthcare professional and I might have even advised a partner with strong smelling odor to go to the GP and get their kidney function checked too! I even insist my husband eats a lot of pineapple before I will schedule in oral sex! If it was me I would find this man’s openness endearing. Buy a couple of pineapples to eat together and make a joke about it.

How romantic and spur of the moment. Darling please add pineapple to the Ocado order and schedule in a blowy for a week on Tuesday at 8:45pm.

Prettybubblesintheair · 30/04/2022 17:10

I think you’ve made the right call op, he took you down at a time you were vulnerable with him and you’ll never feel safe or confident with him. And is he bloody thick?! You tasted “strong” yet he failed to take into account that he was tasting himself as well as you?! Well done for trusting your gut on this and ending it.

Absentmindedwoman · 30/04/2022 17:11

He’s trying to politely say you smell of old pee

Woah, I think that is leaping to a conclusion.

A strong intense flavour is not the same thing as smelling/ tasting of piss or being unclean Hmm

Scianel · 30/04/2022 17:14

Don't most women smell different and more or less strong depending on where you are in your cycle? I notice it round about when I'm ovulating. And not it's not a piss smell or a dirty smell Hmm

pedropony76 · 30/04/2022 17:14

Limebazil · 30/04/2022 16:49

@pedropony76 Yeah honestly I'd have preferred he said nothing and just either not gave me oral sex again or stopped seeing me if it bothered him that much.

Giving out unsolicited medical advice on a woman's body the first time you have a sex is a dealbreaker for me. I agree with the posters above I won't ever feel safe with him.

He was trying to organise a date for tonight but told him the truth about why i don't want to see him again.
He has text back saying he didn't mean it please don't let this be the end because of a stupid comment. "I love the way you taste I'm just an idiot" but nah I'm done

Ah fair enough then. I thought you may wonder why he’s never giving you oral again but if you would have been fine with that then what can I say🤷‍♀️

I would find it awkward if anything. Defo not a dealbreaker if I actually liked him but everyone’s different so you have to do what’s write for you. I do agree with a pp who said it seems like a lose lose situation regardless

StrychnineInTheSandwiches · 30/04/2022 17:15

without wanting to lecture you (proceeds to lecture) if it was your first time having sex with this man you shouldn't have any of his fluids in you. condoms, my love!

Fit50 · 30/04/2022 17:18

I’ve never been a romantic ha ha! I am clinical and goal orientated when it comes to sex.

MissPolliezDolly · 30/04/2022 17:20

Absentmindedwoman · 30/04/2022 17:11

He’s trying to politely say you smell of old pee

Woah, I think that is leaping to a conclusion.

A strong intense flavour is not the same thing as smelling/ tasting of piss or being unclean Hmm

It was my first thought too.

or does water also make vaginal secretions taste differently the more water a person drinks?

ThrowawayBerna · 30/04/2022 17:20

He should have held fire on giving (gentler) advice anyway, because he was tasting his own semen at the same time.

LittlePearl · 30/04/2022 17:20

I think you've dodged a bullet OP.

It's not the fact that he said something but it was your FIRST TIME. And the 'I think you should......' just reeks of mansplaining.

LemonJuiceFromConcentrate · 30/04/2022 17:20

bravastrava · 30/04/2022 16:16

Then you should one hundred percent trust your instincts. He made you feel ashamed when you were possibly in a vulnerable position after the first time you had sex. You don't need to do anything you don't want to. You don't owe him a thing.

^^ This

Penguinsaregreat · 30/04/2022 17:20

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Penguinsaregreat · 30/04/2022 17:21

Fit50 that should say.

Original poster
Limebazil · 30/04/2022 17:23

@StrychnineInTheSandwiches I know you're right. I have a latex allergy and to his credit he bought non latex ones but we didn't use them.

OP posts:
Goldengoosey · 30/04/2022 17:23

@StrychnineInTheSandwiches exactly what I was thinking

Bristlenose · 30/04/2022 17:24

He’s shot himself in the foot….unless he has the IQ of a fruit fly. Didn’t he think that you’d remember his comment every time he ventured south if you continued to see him?

Hes either dumb or very clever and says derogatory things to women so he doesn’t have to be the bad guy and say he doesn’t want to see them again.

EarthSight · 30/04/2022 17:25

Limebazil · 30/04/2022 16:58

@Absentmindedwoman It was after we had a penetrative sex so it was a lot of his fluids down there too. Maybe he should take his own suggestion.

Can't believe he said that after penetrative sex!! Of course it will taste different! Also, a bit weird that now he loves how you taste?? Sounds like he hoped he could get a few extra shags in before saying goodbye.

Fit50 · 30/04/2022 17:25

I don’t give oral sex every time that’s a special treat! I climax really easily with penetrative sex tbh oral sex is not something a person like me being so clinical enjoys much.

mycatisannoying · 30/04/2022 17:26

He didn't comment negatively about your body. It's not the same as saying you have a baggy pussy or a flabby tummy! By your own admission, you don't drink enough water either! I think you're being over sensitive but plenty will disagree.

Franklyfrost · 30/04/2022 17:27

Absentmindedwoman · 30/04/2022 17:11
He’s trying to politely say you smell of old pee

Woah, I think that is leaping to a conclusion.

A strong intense flavour is not the same thing as smelling/ tasting of piss or being unclean

Why mention how much water she’s drinking then? I’m not sure if vaginal secretions taste or smell different with fluid intake but everyone knows pee smells stronger if you’re dehydrated. I feel a bit sorry for the guy, assuming he’s not a total weirdo, it’s a very gentle way to ask someone to wash and really good communication to mention it straight away.

Scianel · 30/04/2022 17:28

It's irrelevant really, the point is him saying it has given OP the ick and no-one is forced to carry on seeing anyone they don't want to.

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